God's Tools

I've spent entirely too much time in my life being afraid of making a misstep off the path. To paraphrase another famous quote, sometimes the path diverges and I've had a choice to make. Do I continue on the one I've been walking? Do I step onto another, that leads in an unknown direction? Which path at which time is the best one for me? The questions rise and fall like my breath flowing in and out of my lungs.

I've been afraid of making mistakes. Felt more of the perfectionist coming out in me. Ha! Not sure the status of being a perfectionist. The feeling arose more from the drive to not fail, not look like a fool, not be wrong.

Then there were the moments when I took the steps irregardless of the consequences. My moves from one place to another, across the country and the world, were like that. Stepping into and out of relationships was like that. My path often found me and I tripped onto it, making mistakes and friends along the way.

I've considered disappointment as God's tool. It's provided me the impetus to shift gears, to reach out, to lean into counting my blessings and looking for the brighter side. I've been afraid that it's meant I'm not good enough for or at whatever. I've sunk into the depths of feeling bad and wanting to run and hide. Somehow, I've found something to rest my gratitude on ~ a phone call or a card, a sunset or a quarter on the street. Something that slips a different tone into my vision and I am grateful.

How have you found your path? How many times has it changed, twisted, turned, diverged? How have God's tools kept you going? What or who has helped you get or stay on your path?

Leaving Stars

Images of the night sky always rumble deep within my being ~ as though the night time releases me to purr. Top that incredible sensation with Victor Hugo's insight that stars remain within when I open to the night ~ my innards unsure whether to implode or explode.

The brightness of the stars within the dark create imaginative heat when their light touches us. Yet we know that what appears to us in the night sky is an echo of what was and, despite what flickers before our eyes, is now darkness and cold.

And yet.... and yet.... we continue to wish on the stars, to look to them for answers, to place our hope in them. They remind us of both our fleeting presence and our quest for immortality.

I've always loved the night time. Velvet darkness surrounding me. Sounding silence penetrating my soul. Time standing still. Since earliest childhood, I've found myself deep within its solitude.

Hugo's insight hums within me. I've felt, as continue to feel, the pull of the stardust at my core as it brands me a Sister of Night. Tattoos star trails on my soul. Serenades my being with star song.

What do you think of the night? How does it affect you? Do you feel night within you? Can you feel the stars left within you? What time of day speaks most loudly to you? Why?

Altar of Not Knowing

Wow! It's been more than a fortnight since I posted a blog. The time has been eventful, as well as uneventful, in fits and starts. What it was, more than anything else, was full of life.

In the midst of this amazing fullness, this quote and image appeared. The image reminds me of places I've traveled. The concept of an 'altar of not knowing' resonates deeply. It sweeps me away....

The most remarkable element is that I intend to keep, or perhaps allow, things to remain undefined. In the midst of shift. Among the changes. Flowing outward. Definition would stop the movement and create a stopping place instead of granting the movement the space to create and define itself.

Daily bowing, kneeling, visiting the altar of not knowing keeps my focus on the flow, the moment, the possibility. It keeps me awake. It brings me to the limit of love with mystery.

Where are you? What would your altar be named? How are you with keeping things undefined?

One Dream

Dream:
I was outside a building with large glass doors and a staircase directly in front of me. Many people were on the street and inside the building. It was a linimal time of day, dawn or dusk. Inside the building was lighted while outside was in shadow. Coming from that shadowy space wearing a long, open overcoat, I pulled the door open and entered. Tears were running down my face. Someone had hurt me, not physically but emotionally, and recently though not in the immediate past moments. Keeping my head down, I hoped no one would notice the tears. Someone approached from the left across the lobby as I walked toward the stairs. This person wanted to talk with me about a project on which we were jointly working. Other people were simply going up and down the staircase and across the lobby. The person (he? she?) noticed I was avoiding eye contact and, rather than discussing the project, asked if I was okay. I answered yes and continued toward the stairs, forcing the person to fall into step beside me in order to keep the conversation going.
Feeling: Curiosity and wonder.
Also: after recording this dream, I "accidently" flipped a "magnetic poetry" word off the refrigerator door (something I've never previously done) ~ the word was 'from' ~~ [curiouser and curiouser...]

Dreams, for me, bear much life into my reality. I feel them strongly and often seek to interpret them in the most straight-forward manner. This one, however, brought with it a slightly different sense: wonder. I woke curious about my reason for tears but not feeling sad or hurt at all. The sense of wonder was at the surroundings and my coat and my capacity to not be seen when I chose not to be. Though when I shared it, one friend asked about the elements in it, I found the elements drawing me were different from the ones drawing that friend. My elements were shadow, light and tears. I'll continue to explore what those mean to me as time progresses.

Do you remember your dreams? If so, do you record them? Do you explore the meaning of your dreams? What elements showed up in your dream/s? What do those elements mean to you?

The 100

For the past several days, I've bean watching episodes of the dystopian TV show The 100. The online description:

When nuclear Armageddon destroys civilization on Earth, the only survivors are those on the 12 international space stations in orbit at the time. Three generations later, the 4000 survivors living on a space ark of linked stations see their resources dwindle and face draconian measures established to ensure humanity's future. Desperately looking for a solution, the arks leaders send 100 juvenile prisoners back to the planet to test is habitability. Having always lived in space, the exiles find the planet fascinating and terrifying, but with the date of the human race in their hands, they must forge a part into the unknown.

Fascinating prospects. I'm amazed at the continued creativity. Dystopian stories are a significant genre in recent years: the Hunger Games and Divergent series, to name two of the most popular. One thing this show has that the others miss is some level of specificity as to what created the altered future. This one clearly states that it was a nuclear war. Like others of this genre, there is an element of outside control ostensibly for the good of all. Yet in this one, that force has no inherent evil or hunger for power. It's more of an established mythos of who and what they are.

Another difference is the element of colonization and encountering unknown others who are similar yet different, infused with their own sense of how things should be. It takes the confrontation to a level that is not only internal, but inter-relational. The leaders, as with Hunger Games and Divergent, are young, flawed and adaptable.

I've written previously about dystopian literature. I like the genre. The stories have been around for a long time, showing up lately with more frequency. It seems to be a creative response ~ as the preceding books were ~ to the strong sense of destruction that permeates so much of our society today, including global warming, economic disparity, state-sponsored torture and military excesses.

Have you read or watched dystopian stories? Which ones? How does the genre affect you? What else do you see happening in response to the difficulties and destructive forces in our society?

Throw the Match

When I was in high school, my mother used to tell me to be careful regarding the bridges I might burn. She warned that I might want to cross back to the other side and need the bridge to do so.

I listened to her warning. Through most of my life, I laid careful plans to include others, to keep my opinions to myself and to be fair and kind.

Recently, I've discovered another version of my truth: the place where I am in total alignment with this quote. Burning a bridge isn't necessarily a bad thing. In general, it's not my first choice. Leave the doors and windows open, allow for fresh air and sunshine, support free movement in and out. Rarely, in all honesty, do I venture to throw that match and burn the bridge so I can never cross it again.

One occasion where I felt the need to do this concerned a man who repeatedly chose to ignore everything I said. When a man repeated my words or paraphrased what I said, this man would respond to the other man's words. I finally got fed up and left the work group, letting go of supporting concepts that were important to me and taking my considerable knowledge on the topic with me. It was not only the man who ignored me that was intolerable, but the others who, by their very silence, condoned his actions. Bridge burnt.

When would you consider burning a bridge? What would bring you to that action? Have you ever done it? What happened? How did you feel afterward? If you've been in a difficult or intolerable situation, what stopped you from burning that bridge?

Marzenna

From 365 Goddess by Patricia Telesco:

Marzenna's themes are spring, weather, protection, winter, death, rebirth, cycles, change and growth. Her symbols are dolls (poppets) and water (including ice and snow). The Polish Goddess for whom this holiday is named represents an odd combination of winter, death and fruit field's growth and fertility. As such, She oversees the transitions we wish to make in our lives.

I walked into a used bookstore and saw Telesco's book. When I picked it up to check the Goddess of the date, I saw a paper marking today's date. It was the page for Marzenna. Since my heritage is Polish, I decided to check Her out.

This is a time of transitions, of changes in our world. That's especially true for each person individually as well as the community in total. Spring is about rebirth, changing the death time of Winter into the new greening of Spring that blossoms into the fullness of Summer. It's a time of transformation.

My life right now is about celebrating the changes, the transformations, that are happening within its boundaries. Around me are a variety of changes: deaths, graduations, surgeries, retirements, marriages. Some of them are directly related to me ~ some are even mine ~ but many belong to the people around me. These affect me deeply in a manner different from those that are directly tugging on my heartstrings.

Marzenna is the Goddess ~ and the celebration of that Goddess, or more precisely, the passing of that Goddess of Death, Rebirth and Change. In the celebrations a straw poppet of Marzenna is burned so that Newness can come into being. It's a passage and Marzenna is the Guardian of Change at the gate.

What Spring holiday or holy day resonates most for you? How do you celebrate the passages of time? What is transforming in your life in this moment? How will you support it?