Teabag Tarot: Today's Gratitude

Buddha Tea

This morning I woke softly with gentle wisps from a dream circling my head. Not that the dream itself was soft or gentle. So much more than that, it was significant.

The details remain deep within me. They provide a pattern of explanations for much that I've been experiencing these past few weeks.

So, what does that have to do with being grateful? I'm grateful for the nudging of the issues which arose recently. Honestly, some shoved more than nudged. All seemed relatively small and even unrelated, until the dream. I'm grateful for the perspective.

When people talk about being grateful for adversities which arise in our lives, I generally get annoyed or even angry. "Be grateful for your car accident." or "Thank the Divine for being downsized out of a job." are absurd statements that border on being abusive for so many reasons. Adverse situations, feelings of fear or personal losses are nothing to make flip comments about.

My issues tugged at me, took me into dark moments, created feelings of fear or overwhelm. They nagged at the back of my mind as I slept. Enough so that I lost sleep over them. Enough so that I dreamed about them. Then, last night, the dreams coalesced into one ~ and took me for an unexpected ride into my past and my emotional attachment to a story I had from it. Like an arrow, they pointed to one particular incident and one forgotten feeling. Shot by that arrow, I woke chuckling quietly and thinking, "Oh! So that's where all this is coming from!"

Gratitude is a practice. I could have gone through that entire dream process and never allowed it into my heart. My practice of gratitude ~ noticing and being thankful for even the littlest things in my life ~ helped seal the lesson in place. I'll probably continue to work with it. Each time it surfaces, the lesson will go a little deeper until I finally shower it with enough light and gratitude to break it apart. For that, I am thankful.

What little things nag at you? How do they show up? Do they ever join together? What do your dreams tell you about them? Do you practice gratitude? If so, how does it affect your life? If not, why not? How does that affect your life?

11-11 A Day to Remember

Armistice Day in Philadelphia

"The 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month...."

11 is the number associated with faith. The significant timing for the beginning of peace ~ or more precisely, the ending of armed combat ~ after the War to End All Wars.

And yet, it didn't end all wars. Just over 20 years later, another World War began. And there have been skirmishes around the world ever since. As there had been prior to World War I.

An article came across my news feed yesterday. Though I can't provide a link to it, bits and pieces of the article remained with me, hid themselves in my mind and struck a chord in my heart. The gist of what stuck was two-fold. In a paratrooper's letters home, they described not only the conditions of war, but also the conditions of their training for war. Essential to the training is the building of camaraderie among the troops. A trust and companionship so deep that they would be willing to lay down their lives for each other. In truth, during battles, that's precisely what does happen. Even if they do not step in front of a bullet for one another, if they did not act as a group, a team, there's little to no chance of success ~ whether one deems that winning the battle or getting out alive or both. The resonance for me shimmered in an image I had of my father with other veterans: even if they had not fought in the same troop, the same battle, perhaps even the same war, they shared a deep connection. They knew a side of life I certainly did not.

The second bit that struck a chord was the casual way death was addressed in the letters. Death itself was not casual, but death walked with them on the battlefield, jumped with them from the planes. They spoke of knowing that death would come for some, might come for them. Though their words didn't say it directly, they seemed prepared for it. Calm. Perhaps because that's what they needed to be in order to stay safe with their comrades.

I am not, nor have I ever been, an advocate of war. I ache for the families who have suffered losses and for the lives that have been cut short. I detest that money can purchase someone's way out of participating while others are conscripted. Still, I honor and appreciate all those who join their life force with any Armed Forces. May they experience that honoring wherever they are.

How have you been affected by war? by Armed Forces? What stories have you read or heard? How has war ~ and armistice ~ touched your life? Where do you feel camaraderie?

Loneliness vs Solitude

FOMO is an expression meaning fear of missing out. Before recognizing repeated occurrences of FOMO in social media posts, I didn't consider that particular fear a phenomenon in and of itself. I thought of it more in the realm of an anxiety. That doesn't mean I didn't experience it, only that I didn't know others did as well.

In Paul Tillich's quote, FOMO would fall into the category of the pain of being alone, of a sort of loneliness. We humans are social beings. When we feel left out of something ~ whether by the choice or action of others or those of ourselves ~ we feel uncomfortable, edgy.

These moments can be anything: the need to study instead of going to a movie; not being invited to a TGIF; being a vegetarian/vegan at a company BBQ; discovering friends didn't tell you before eloped; listening to travel stories of family members. The list could go on for pages. All of us feel these moments. The weight of this kind of loneliness can be as light as dust or as heavy as an anvil or anywhere in between. The hope is that as we grow (not necessarily age-related), we learn ways to pass through these moments more easily. Though, in truth, passing through them is never really easy.

Solitude, on the other hand, is often chosen. A solo trip to a new location, from a friend's new home to Machu Picchu, Zion National Park or Paris. Going to a movie because it's one we want to see or we have the time to see. Taking a walk through a local park. Eating lunch away from the office. Solitude doesn't always mean we are off in the woods totally by ourselves. It does mean we are set apart from those who are generally around us.

For about a year, I wavered between these two emotional reactions to being alone. I was going through a health adventure, as I called it. Friends and family members helped me through it, cared for me, and listened to my stories along the way. Even so there were moments when I wanted to do something only to find that it was beyond me. I couldn't go to a concert for which I had purchased the tickets, so others got to go instead. I subscribed to an online course that I couldn't finish, so I was left out of the camaraderie. I felt the pangs of loneliness. On the other hand, many days spent alone with my cat, my thoughts and books on CD, taught me to cherish the solitude of that healing time.

What experiences of being alone have you had recently? How did you feel about that time? What experience of yours can you relate to FOMO? What helps you get through loneliness or FOMO? How is your experience of solitude different from your experience of loneliness?

The Floating Spirit

After handwashing the pan used for cooking my breakfast, I turned from the sink and hung it on its peg on the wall. As I walked away, a flicker of light caught my eye. A bubble! The size of a toddler's fingertip, it floated six inches in front of me and almost as far above my head. Fluidly and languidly, it bounced on every movement of the air. I played with that air. Gently waving my hand above it, under it, in front of it, behind it, the bubble moved liquidly on an invisible river. Not only my flitting hands moved the tiny rainbow shimmer, but also my breath and, of course, every movement of my body.

As I paused in the midst of my delight, I thought, how like the currents of my life were the dances of this bubble! Every movement it made was influenced by every movement of the air around which in turn was influenced by the movement of all in its environment. Connected to all. A fantastic floating spirit.

It was a good thing that no one was in the kitchen to see me as I stood in fascination with mouth agape and eyes alight. My entire being was electric with thoughts, ideas, feelings, images, dreams. Every atom focused on that teeny rainbow flicker. My only wish was to have a way to record all that was happening within me as I observed what was fleetingly happening.

Some of the thoughts and images, though brief and random, have remained with me. The first was simply awe. How often do we relax into the opportunity to feel awe?There are moments when I allow awe to sweep over me: a beautiful sunrise over the mountains on my drive to work; the first sweep of Spring flower blossoms; the delight of discovery shining in a child's eyes. Yet those are often only moments in the midst of moving on to do something else. Even so, I hope to always breathe a quick "thank you" for the nudge that awakens me to noticing it.

What was the last time you felt the sweep of awe? What do you recall of that moment? How often do you feel awe? Can you recall the sensations in your body? the responses in your mind? the focus of your soul?