Before Beginning

In the aftermath of any world-changing news or event, grief bubbles up and overflows. It's difficult to even consider moving forward. There is a stuckness in the heart and soul. All passion focuses on grief ~ and not necessarily by choice. Sometimes it feels as though we are not in our own skin ~ something or someone else occupies a significant part of us.

Honestly, world-changing events can deal with our personal world ~ e.g., losing a job, a partnership break-up, the death of a pet ~ or with the wider world around us ~ e.g., a favorite/popular store closing, a tornado hitting a neighboring town, unexpected election results. Any or all of these can throw us into emotional turmoil. We live in a culture that says, essentially, Suck it up and move on. Which adds to the burden because now we feel guilty or shamed for not being able to let go.

Leonard Cohen ~ who's death this week touched millions of fans ~ had something to say about that: How can I begin anything new with all of yesterday in me? We can only get through when we allow yesterday to have its time in us, even if that moves on into tomorrow. To truncate that passage leaves us feeling even more uneasy, unsure and insecure.

Once we're working, crawling or climbing out of that grief ~ and it's not a linear action ~ we can begin the new work again. Some of the warriors among us can move on more quickly. That's part of who they are. Regroup and move forward. Some of the healers among us also move on more quickly. Assess the damages, move in to protect and heal. Some of the prophets among us are already making speeches, taking steps, encouraging. We need all of these people. We also need those who are open enough to feel the depth of the woundedness. Some of them are the recipients of the bigotry, fear and vitriol that is spewing forth. Each and all of us are needed. Some are quicker to get back to work. Others need more time to deal with all of yesterday. That's okay as we continue to support each other.

Where are you in the healing process? Where are those closest to you? What is your forest for trees blindness? How much of yesterday is still strong within you? What are you prepared to do to support others in moving on as well? What step will be your beginning?

Well-Burning Life

On my list of things I've never considered: whether or not my life is burning well. If I had thought about my life burning at all, I would not have considered it a great option. Under most circumstances, burning and life are not positively associated.

If my life is burning well ~~ what does that even mean? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that, for me, it means that I am living from my passion, living with passion. My expectation is that my life would shine with excitement. If that's the case, then I haven't been burning well. I don't think that is the case. I believe that passion is what keeps us in forward motion, what keeps us breathing. It doesn't have to be big and exciting. It can be simple ~ and bring us joy. When I find that place, that moment, that space between the breaths, I pause and write. What shows up is poetic and revelatory. I want to capture the moment in words and in images.

My well-burning life keeps me posting on this blog. It keeps me in motion. Speed matters less than intensity and continuity. I am grateful for every breath, every flame, every ash.

What does a well-burning life look like to you? How does it express itself? What is its definition and shape?

More on Cohen's Anthem

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Leonard_Cohen_2107.jpg

"That is the background of the whole record, ... if you have to come up with a philosophical ground, that is "Ring the bells that still can ring."  It's no excuse... for an abdication of your own personal responsibilities towards yourself.... "Ring the bells that still can ring.": they're few and far between but you can find them. "Forget your perfect offering", that is the hang-up, that you're gonna work this thing out. Because we confuse this idea and we've forgotten the central myth of our culture which is the expulsion from the garden of Eden. This situation does not admit of solution or perfection. This is not the place where you make things perfect.... The thing is imperfect. And worse, there is a crack in everything that you can put together, physical objects, mental objects, constructions of any kind. But that's where the light gets in, and that's where the resurrection is ..., that's where the repentance is. It is with the confrontation, with the brokenness of things."

~~ Leonard Cohen from Diamonds in the Line

I seem to be in a Cohen-state-of-mind lately. He is one amazing musical talent. His songs are poetry, philosophy and calls to action. The above quote is his explanation for the song Anthem, which I quoted in the past two entries.

There is no perfection in the world ~ we need to work with what we have, keep moving forward and find our deepest, truest selves in it all. Part of his explanation refers to the "central myth of our culture which is the expulsion from the garden of Eden" ~ which is true in terms of Western Abrahamic-based culture. Is it true in other cultures? Maybe. Maybe not. But I come from that particular culture and I understand his reference.

Do you agree with Cohen's philosophy? Do you believe that there is no perfection? that we are responsible for our lives in spite of that fact? For what do we need to repent? How does that repentance affect our lives?

Kintsugi

Expansion by Paige Bradley

Another view of Cohen's quote:

There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in.

I love the image of light entering my life through the cracks. Even so, it was surprising to learn about the Japanese art of kintsugi ~ a beautiful metaphor!

Kintsugi is the Japanese art of fixing broken pottery with lacquer mixed with powered gold, silver or platinum. The philosophy is akin to the Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi, an embracing of the flawed or imperfect.

Sometimes, if the break has left a gap, another piece of pottery is blended in to the original piece. What may seem useless or broken beyond repair is renewed. It doesn't look the same, but the gold which joins it, which brings it back to wholeness, provides a visible acknowledgement of value.

Many times in my life I've felt broken, sometimes even shattered. The outpouring of love, prayer and caring from friends has helped to mend me. It's been the golden lacquer of healing. I'm not the same as I was before that sense of brokenness. My flaws and imperfections are even more visible. My self-definition changes ~ I have the opportunity to see myself negatively, as broken or lost, or to see myself positively, as whole though different. I fluctuate between these definitions and images of myself. No matter what I project to others, I know what's happened. I know what I feel, what I've experienced, how I've been hurt. My heart is drawn into Cohen's words: "That's how the light gets in." That's how I allow others to patch me with their golden lacquer of love.

How do you heal? What do you allow when you feel broken? How does the light get into your world? How do you re-define yourself?

How the Light Gets In

from Leonard Cohen's Anthem:

Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in.

In the midst of dark, depressive thoughts ~ feeling broken into pieces myself ~ this snippet of Cohen's poem brings me hope. The final couplet repeats within my mind, yet I love all four lines. It's a reminder that parts of my broken self "still can ring" ~ they remain sound and whole and interact in the world in a healthy way. When my dark belief moans that only my most "perfect" form is good enough, I slip into the warmth of not needing to be a "perfect offering" in order to be useful, acceptable, healthy.

Those last two lines fill me with the same awe as any prophetic statement. Light can only enter my life, my being, my prayers through the cracks, the imperfections. The words resonate within me and I relax. I feel hope seeping in through the various cracks in my life. It helps bring me out of the Darkness and into the Light.

Do you ever feel darkness closing in around you? Are there other descriptions you give to that feeling of being alone in the world? What brings you hope? How do Cohen's words affect you? Are there other words that bring you more hope? light? prayer?