Sum Total

"Life did not begin at my birth. ... I am the sum total of [others'] experiences, their quests."

Although my thoughts and my dreams often circle around my personal life, I am continually expanding those horizons. I have the choice of limiting myself, of putting blinders on. All I see then is what's in front of my own face. It's easier to live that way. I don't have to see, acknowledge or encounter what is going on around me. I don't have to read opinions or ideas that I don't already have or agree with. That would be the simpler way to live.

What Wiesel suggests is that life is not that simple. When we stop learning, refuse to expand our knowledge and experience, we miss the fullness of beauty. We lose sight of the beauty that lies in diversity and difference. Just as a flower garden is made up of a variety of sizes, colors and blossoms, so the world around us is made up of beauty.

His words ~ "divine beauty" ~ suggest that through diversity, exposing ourselves to what has come before as well as what walks beside us, we are lead to whatever we find or name as Divine or Holy.

As we look beyond ourselves, we have the choice to envision a different world and create a different mythos for the present and the future. We have the opportunity to leave things as they are, to believe we are powerless, or to broaden and share our experiences and our quests, adding them to the sum total that balances our world.

In light of recent events, what do you want to learn? How do the stories of your ancestors affect your choice? What do you want to leave for the generations that follow? How will you contribute to the sum total balancing the world?

Learning from Pain

Yesterday I went to the medical center to have a small, simple procedure. When I went in for prep, the nurse put on a wristband in case, for some reason, something went amiss and I had to be admitted. I signed a release for them to give me a blood transfusion, should that become necessary. Neither of these were disturbing. My mind fully understood that they were routine. Even when the patch was placed for the heart monitor, I thought nothing of it. These pieces of the prep were non-invasive.

I knew I was going to get an IV. I thought the needle stick would be in my arm, at the crease of the elbow where others have been. But, no, the nurse felt (both physically, with the tapping fingers, and mentally) that the best vein would be in my hand. I was mildly curious about this. I have the commonplace fear of or aversion to needles. In general, I realize the pain goes quickly so I wasn't too tense about it. She placed a hot pack on my hand and sprayed a topical anesthetic on it as well. When she stuck the needle under the skin, it felt like she was driving a nail into my hand. I could not believe the sensation. She stopped fairly quickly and asked, "Do you want me to continue? or take it out and try again after giving you another shot with an anesthetic? That will definitely numb it. I'm not even in the vein yet." I hesitated about two seconds. "Take it out." She gave me the shot and everything went well. She added that I was lucky to get her because most of the other nurses were not trained to do the anesthetic shot.

The remainder of the procedure was a walk in the park, comparatively. Wow! If someone had told me when I was going in that the needle stick would be the most painful and problematic part, I would have laughed. No longer.

What came to me afterward, even as she was going to get the new needle and the anesthetic, was an image of friends in the hospital with bruises on their arms or hands from multiple needle sticks. I found myself marveling anew at their courage in facing even those repeated sticks. Along with that, I discovered another moment for prayer for them and gratitude for how strong and courageous they are.

Each of us faces pain, both physical and emotional. For each person, the pain is different. I endured the dental jackhammer used to remove a tooth a couple of years ago. Yet this needle stick overwhelmed me.

This put another issue I face into perspective as well. Currently, there is a bully in my life. Although I recognize she is in pain (because that's what makes bullies), I thought she should be able to easily overcome it. This event for me revealed that I am probably incorrect in my assumption. Maybe, whatever the emotional pain she is suffering, overwhelms her like the needle stick did me. Another teaching to ponder.

What pain overwhelms you? How do you handle moving forward with it? What do you do to get beyond it? How does your pain help you understand the pain of others?

October New Moon in Libra

Wow! It's been a long time since I've written in this blog. September was a wild ride month. Anyone else experience that? Lots of energy buzzing and zapping around with the eclipses, the equinox and Mercury retrograde. It's good to be on the other side of that.

Now there's a New Moon in Libra ~ which is all about relationships ~ and that will be greatly assisted by being past the wild and wacky energy of the past month!

Now is the time for balance. Settling in just enough to make me recognize my own need for self-care in all areas: mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It's also the time to honor communications as the leading edge for growth. Listen with an open mind. Speak from the heart's truth. Remember to express gratitude.

Continuing on the path of change, making big plans and keeping track of the details finds support at this time too. It's about Choice: tension or release? movement or stagnation? healing or rage? being awake or staying asleep? owning what needs to be healed or projecting it on others?

Personally, I'm being challenged to be more centered and reflect what is being mirrored to me by the world. I continue to learn to use ~ as well as to rest ~ my voice, speaking clearly from my own truth and expressing my feelings. If I believe in my purpose and myself, I can stand in relationship with those around me without causing harm to either myself or the other. I am also working through and with balancing the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine. For me, this balance has been going on for years. It's a dance I enjoy having.

I recall something one of my former teachers said: "Each time you let go, each time you learn a lesson, it will come back to you in the old way again. Only the next time, you will go deeper to release it. And so it will go until you are done." Learning the lessons, evolving to the next level, continues in a spiral, looping back over and over again so the mastery can get deeper and deeper.

What lesson are you learning? What is the truth that is seeking you? What change is poking itself into your life? How do your relationships support you? How do you balance it all?

Teaching and Discovery

As a teacher, by trade and by calling, I find this quote not only accurate, but also comforting. In an age where 'accountability' is being doled out like candy to every classroom teacher, there appears to be a strong tendency to forget that, although impressionable and somewhat malleable, children and youth have their own intelligence, will and self-determination. They have to be interested in the discovery.

As a teacher, I am also a perpetual learner ~ what is referred to as a 'lifelong learner.' My natural curiosity and desire to discover and do new things keeps me alive to the further discovery of myself. I have an understanding of the learning process as Galileo describes it. The discovery within myself is the passion and interest I have for a subject ~ some are more deeply embedded than others. Although I have a fair knowledge of and capacity for mathematics, that's not my passion nor my first choice interest. My passion lies more in writing, philosophy and other similar areas.

What strikes your passion? How do you learn best? What was the essential quality of your favorite teacher? How is that quality reflected in your life?