Before Beginning

In the aftermath of any world-changing news or event, grief bubbles up and overflows. It's difficult to even consider moving forward. There is a stuckness in the heart and soul. All passion focuses on grief ~ and not necessarily by choice. Sometimes it feels as though we are not in our own skin ~ something or someone else occupies a significant part of us.

Honestly, world-changing events can deal with our personal world ~ e.g., losing a job, a partnership break-up, the death of a pet ~ or with the wider world around us ~ e.g., a favorite/popular store closing, a tornado hitting a neighboring town, unexpected election results. Any or all of these can throw us into emotional turmoil. We live in a culture that says, essentially, Suck it up and move on. Which adds to the burden because now we feel guilty or shamed for not being able to let go.

Leonard Cohen ~ who's death this week touched millions of fans ~ had something to say about that: How can I begin anything new with all of yesterday in me? We can only get through when we allow yesterday to have its time in us, even if that moves on into tomorrow. To truncate that passage leaves us feeling even more uneasy, unsure and insecure.

Once we're working, crawling or climbing out of that grief ~ and it's not a linear action ~ we can begin the new work again. Some of the warriors among us can move on more quickly. That's part of who they are. Regroup and move forward. Some of the healers among us also move on more quickly. Assess the damages, move in to protect and heal. Some of the prophets among us are already making speeches, taking steps, encouraging. We need all of these people. We also need those who are open enough to feel the depth of the woundedness. Some of them are the recipients of the bigotry, fear and vitriol that is spewing forth. Each and all of us are needed. Some are quicker to get back to work. Others need more time to deal with all of yesterday. That's okay as we continue to support each other.

Where are you in the healing process? Where are those closest to you? What is your forest for trees blindness? How much of yesterday is still strong within you? What are you prepared to do to support others in moving on as well? What step will be your beginning?

Veterans Day 2016

In the midst of everything else that is going on in the United States right now, today is Veterans Day. I am proud that my state passed a measure to add to the monies for veterans benefits. Many of my friends and relatives have served in various branches of the Armed Forces. My father and uncles served in World War II. They all returned from their active duty. Other friends and relatives served in Korea, Vietnam and various bases around the world. Most of them returned as well.

What I recognized ~ with all but the WWII vets because I did not know them before they served ~ is that even if they returned with their bodies in tact, something had happened to their spirits. Not something I could define or label, though PTSD certainly comes to mind. What I noticed were those occasional times when they looked into the middle distance and I knew they weren't aware of my presence anymore. Some of those moments were subtle. I didn't see or hear any of the nightmares.

When I think of those things, I am humbled by their service. In their honor, I also pray that more will not be required to go to war.

Dislodging the Grief

"I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil."

~ Gandalf 

The Return of the King

We're one more day past the US election. There have been demonstrations in the streets of many major cities across the country. The continue tonight. So far, the demonstrations have been peaceful. Though they haven't been overwhelming in size, they have provided many ~ participating and observing ~ with an outlet for their grief.

It's nigh unto impossible to expect people not to grieve. Or to insist that they express their grief in one particular way. It's good that they are expressing it at all ~ and in a manner that remains peaceful if disrupting.

Grief shows up in several stages:

Shock/disbelief
Denial
Bargaining
Guilt
Anger
Depression
Acceptance/hope

Though we may think it's easier, we don't go through these stages in a linear fashion. Speaking with other people today, we all fluctuated through several of them in the past 48 hours. One person, still registering shock, spoke of waking up with the sense that it had all been a bad dream. Another, in the midst of denial, insisted there must be a way to demand a recount. Someone shook her head wondering if only she had been part of the calling or door-to-door campaign, the results may have been different. And on it went..... Not that any of us stayed in one place. As each person spoke, others chimed in with their stories.

I've cycled through several of those stages myself. In my own grief-bearing terms: Shock that what was thought to be a significant win one way, went so horribly wrong. Bargaining for a calmer and less phobic atmosphere. Guilt that I could have done more. Anger at people telling me how I should feel or that I should just get over it. Hope .... well, that one hasn't arrived yet for me. Maybe hope that my community will be stronger together as we move forward into these unknown waters.

How do you feel about the election? Are you in grief? Are you rejoicing? Are you sensitive to others who feel differently? What hope can you name and claim for yourself at this juncture?

Pandora's Election Box

One day after the most amazing election in US history, I am still stunned and grasping for a way to make sense of it all. The US is obviously deeply divided ~ and those divides are not easily defined: rich vs poor? men vs women? establishment vs rogue? There are many, many areas where the answer could be yes or no or sort of.....

Reading my Facebook feed of friends, I have seen everything from those purging their friends' list of anyone who supported Trump to members of the LGBTQIA community raging to Bernie supporters complaining that he could have won to sweetly spiritual folks assurances that Trump is still a child of the Light to immigrants afraid they will be targeted to spiritual teachers chiding that they told us to deal with the Shadow to middle-roaders waiting and seeing what comes next to international vagabonds and citizens verbalizing their shaking heads to those who can only post the letters WTF. I could go on, but I'm sure you get the picture and have experienced something similar.

Pondering all of this, talking with friends, listening to the silence of others, a myth surfaces within me: Pandora's Box. Here's my new-and-improvised version:

Little by little over the past several years, the US has become a nation with cavernous reaches separating people. It has defined and redefined the haves and have-nots ~ from the Occupy Movement to the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge takeover to those who can afford health care and those who cannot to those who have a roof over their heads and those who do not to the college-educated and those who are not, the list goes on and touches into every area of our lives. The outside world for each person shifts and changes as they pass among the varied haves or have-nots. The lines are fluid, the passages permeable.

Enter into this scene a Presidential election cycle. Two major candidates emerge. In terms of curriculum vitae, one is highly qualified in the political arena; the other is a self-proclaimed outsider with money. Each has their defenders and each has their detractors. In terms of the myth, they are both flawed. And their battle rages like the proverbial tug-of-war, back and forth many times.

Now the time for the election arrives. Even before the ballot count begins, the candidate with the political qualifications is presumed to be in the winners circle. As the count progresses, however, the rogue candidate emerges the victor. What was not figured into the polls and posturing were the dark things emerging from Pandora's Election Box ~ all of the recent history of people feeling ignored, unheard, unsupported ~ rising like smoky Shadow. This is true for every single voter. The darkness within each of us rose up ~ for some, it came from ignorance of the bigger picture; for others, it came from fear of losing even more.

What else arrives within Pandora's Election Box is Hope. In the beginning, Hope is a small and frail thing compared to the overwhelm of the Shadow. That's where we stand right now, looking at the tiny Tinkerbell light of Hope flitting around and needing to do our strongest Shadow work ever.

What is your darkest fear coming out of this election? What is your greatest hope? What dark part of you has surfaced with the results of the election? How are you going to heal? Are you willing to do the work necessary to heal?

Contagious Courage

Today, as we look to the possibility of the first woman President of the United States, it is fitting to begin with a quote from the current First Lady. As I write this, ballots continue to be cast and counted across the nation. It is early in the day yet.

Looking at the identities of these two women, I see a pattern of courage. Michelle Obama is the first African American woman to occupy the White House as First Lady. She has spoken elegantly of her thoughts and feelings in her role. She has continued to be a helpmate to the President and a mother to their children. But she has shown herself to be so much more than that. Her continuing repetition of the phrase, "When they go low, we go high" moved the Democratic campaign toward a different track, one that moved away from mud-slinging. It takes indomitable courage to go that route.

Hillary Clinton has been First Lady. She has been investigated relentlessly by those who want to challenge her rise to power and prominence. She has borne up with incredible grace. She has been attacked for being too strong and sure of herself as well as for being too soft simply because she is a woman. Her courage and stamina in facing these accusations and all the others that have come her way show her worth.

These two women are Leader archetypes, although from different directions. Michelle Obama comes to it from the aspect of the Sage. Her words and actions show her aptitude for contemplation, intelligence and advise. She shares from the wisdom she has gained in her life. Hillary Clinton come from the aspect of the Creator. She wants to form something new out of the remnants of the old. She has been steadfast in her progress toward that end. They both exude the sense of confidence and calm in the midst of the storm of these times. Their courage sets the bar high for the next steps for the United States.

Who exemplifies courage for you? Why? What archetype does that person represent? How do you experience and express courage yourself? Do you feel more courageous as others reveal theirs? Or do you prefer to be the first?

Preponderance of the Great

Haindl Tarot

From the guide, on the Three of Cups, Overflowing:

Three cups are in an upward triangle symbolic of fire. The cave indicated that the card deals with inner experience. Rock at the bottom hint of danger; however, the cups overflow with joy.
I Ching Hexagram in upper left:
28 Preponderance of the Great.

The divinatory meaning of this card begins with great feeling, an extreme joy that can turn to tears. Cups are indicative of emotion. The three also evokes celebration, community and creativity. It represents coming together for the greater good of the community. Its creative focus suggests pursuing creativity in a group environment for connection and full access.

On the bottom of the card, it shows the link to Mercury in Cancer and the expression of the mind, language, learning and information for survival. The Haindl image shows emotions in the natural flow of the water, filling the cups and overflowing with the outpouring of emotions with significant others.

My question as I drew this card was: What energy will carry me through the final day of this election season? 

As usual, I'm amazed that the card drawn fit so well. Although this indicates that the experience is predominantly inner, my circle of friends ~ with our connection and understanding of each other ~ will slip it into the realm a shared experience as well. 

Another way I shared an experience tonight was by observing a speech online as it was being given in Philadelphia. I commented and watched my comment roll through with everyone else's. I felt a part of history in the making. Yet I sat at home alone while doing it.

With the undertones of rocky times, the entire election also carries an energy of joy ~ of the possibility of breaking another glass ceiling. Even with the dark undertone, the sense of hope and joy bodes well. Community joining together to support and celebrate brings joy, even if there are some rocky or dangerous moments. What might the danger be? What might bring us to those difficult places? How much will it darken the mood of the election?

Mercury in Cancer brings the focus of communication on all levels ~ with the result being the survival and strength of the community. Lots of emotion, which indeed is true around this election. 

My favorite pointer on the card is the I Ching numeration of 28 spotlighting Preponderance of the Great. This refers to an advantage for standing in personal power, fully accepting the need for change and fully present to the flow necessary for success with a knowing that the current situation cannot last and change must come. It is also being prepared for that change. 

What is the change and creativity this brings for me? My personal power rests in creativity. I look forward to the energy shifting through the next couple of days ~ being able to let go of the collective breath and find my own pattern again.

What does the Preponderance of the Great mean to you? for you? What do you look forward to as this election draws to a close? How do you find the pattern for your own creativity? How does your community support you through this time? What are you willing to let go of in order to bring about change?

Hearing Our Own Music

When I am in the midst of chasing around, I find that I more easily pay attention to the busyness around me. I fall into line with whatever shows up as the norm because I am paying less attention to that still small voice within.

In this autumnal season of dying, resting and slowing down, in the midst the ever-darkening beauty of its colors, I find myself quieting, paying more attention to my own personal rhythms. My movements beginning to follow another pattern ~ one I alone seem to be hearing. Or, if others are hearing it, we haven't taken note of each other!

Also, as I grow ever older and into whoever that older person is becoming, I am less concerned about people noticing me dancing ~ or talking to myself ~ or answering myself ~ or, well, everyone has those actions they do that allow others to step aside or join in. My actions may be different from yours, or from those around me, but they originate from the same place.

I've also been privileged to have many friends who are artists in various arenas from spoken to written to visual to musical. They have taught me to be less concerned about what others may think and more concerned about where my heart and soul ~ where that vague Being I call the Divine ~ is leading me. As I write this, I recall that one of those artists is no longer with us: a beautiful, smiling, gentle soul who danced alone on an empty dance floor simply as the music moved her. She is a guardian angel guiding me ~ and perhaps others who knew her ~ to listen for and respond to the music I hear.

What kind of music do you hear? How do you respond? Are you concerned with what others may think of you? How do you respond to those who dance or mutter to their own music? How could you respond more freely or spontaneously to your music?