Control and Decisions

"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."

~ Maya Angelou, New York Women in Communications

I've spent time in my life practicing being a control freak ~ wanting to be in charge of everything that was happening, resisting change, blaming others for creating that change. 

I'd like to say that's not my general modus operandi for most of my life. That's true. It's not. Yet for the moments when it is, it takes over ~ like the wind preceding a tornado. It sweeps through everything I am doing and knocks it all askew. My point of view shifts. I generally scream, NO! ~ though most often, not aloud. Like a two-year-old, I want my plans to go forward as I planned them to happen.

What I find is that if I relax during those moments, if I breathe through the scream, what's happening isn't so bad. The sooner I relax, the easier it is to flow with what's happening and enjoy the moment. Well, maybe 'enjoy' is not the optimal term. Once I'm in the flow of the change, it no longer has power over me. Funny how that works, when I let go of control, I am less out of control and I take the control of my life back from the change point.

Good luck following that.... Let me give an example:

I want to go to a movie. I have a plan in my head about going to the 1:30 movie at the local theater. When I get home at noon, I find my partner in the midst of a major yard clean-up. My partner demands that I help because the neighbors are coming over for a barbecue. My inner NO! explodes. This is a radical change to my plans! How dare someone do that to me! 

Outcome 1: I shout at my partner about the change in my plans. We both stop being productive to argue for the next 15 minutes. I stride into the house and slam the door. Going to my movie is either not happening or I'll be too pissy to enjoy it.

Outcome 2: I tell my partner I need a minute to absorb the news and go into the house. I breathe deeply and consider the options: the movie is playing later and even the next day. The invitation has already gone to the neighbors. So I join in the clean-up, and enjoy the time with the neighbors.

It's all in how I choose to respond.

How do you respond to change? How does being out of control feel to you? What do you want to change in your reaction?

Untold Stories

Today the nation mourns the loss of an American giant: Maya Angelou. Her story carried us into the past and from there rebounded us into the future. As a nation, we were buoyed by her words, touched in the deepest parts of our beings, exposed to our laughter and our tears. She showed us how to exult in our everyday lives. We are grateful for her guidance and will miss her joy-filled face and incredible voice.


I love so many of the words Maya Angelou pieced together into the phrases and stories she shared with the world. This quote especially touches me. It inspires me to continue to write. When my story goes untold, I feel the angst and grief of leaving it buried in my heart.

Sometimes it's not easy to encourage or release my own creativity. Sometimes I struggle with getting the words out, with taking the time to feel them, to get them down on paper or in my blog. What does my story consist of? Who does it include? Is it okay if every once in awhile I focus on a story that is not mine, on words that inspire me, on showing up as much as writing? I often feel as though the exercise of regularly 'showing up' to write is as vital, if not more so, as the actual writing.

In honor of the wonderful poet laureate, I will continue to 'show up' and write. I will make sure my stories are told. I will learn from her creative spirit by keeping mine free.

How do you 'show up'? What do you do to encourage your own creativity? What are the stories you are here to tell?