Control and Decisions

"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."

~ Maya Angelou, New York Women in Communications

I've spent time in my life practicing being a control freak ~ wanting to be in charge of everything that was happening, resisting change, blaming others for creating that change. 

I'd like to say that's not my general modus operandi for most of my life. That's true. It's not. Yet for the moments when it is, it takes over ~ like the wind preceding a tornado. It sweeps through everything I am doing and knocks it all askew. My point of view shifts. I generally scream, NO! ~ though most often, not aloud. Like a two-year-old, I want my plans to go forward as I planned them to happen.

What I find is that if I relax during those moments, if I breathe through the scream, what's happening isn't so bad. The sooner I relax, the easier it is to flow with what's happening and enjoy the moment. Well, maybe 'enjoy' is not the optimal term. Once I'm in the flow of the change, it no longer has power over me. Funny how that works, when I let go of control, I am less out of control and I take the control of my life back from the change point.

Good luck following that.... Let me give an example:

I want to go to a movie. I have a plan in my head about going to the 1:30 movie at the local theater. When I get home at noon, I find my partner in the midst of a major yard clean-up. My partner demands that I help because the neighbors are coming over for a barbecue. My inner NO! explodes. This is a radical change to my plans! How dare someone do that to me! 

Outcome 1: I shout at my partner about the change in my plans. We both stop being productive to argue for the next 15 minutes. I stride into the house and slam the door. Going to my movie is either not happening or I'll be too pissy to enjoy it.

Outcome 2: I tell my partner I need a minute to absorb the news and go into the house. I breathe deeply and consider the options: the movie is playing later and even the next day. The invitation has already gone to the neighbors. So I join in the clean-up, and enjoy the time with the neighbors.

It's all in how I choose to respond.

How do you respond to change? How does being out of control feel to you? What do you want to change in your reaction?

Winter Morning at the Coast

Another day at the Coast. Today the sky was overcast when I went down to the beach. Yesterday was sunnier; the previous day was glorious with light. Such subtle yet powerful differences in three days!

According to the tide chart, I was there with two hours until high tide. ~ I thought I had time for a quick walk on the beach Ha! When I reached the beach, the rising water left about 10 feet of sand ~~ and it was still rising. I decided to take some pictures and climb the hill back to the house.

How many times in our lives do we set out thinking we have time enough..... for our children, for our dreams, for travel, for .... (fill in the blank), only to find that something has changed? Our children have grown. Our dreams have deflated. Our longings and passions have dissipated. Or that we are no longer the person we once were. Sometimes Nature and natural forces, like the tide, intervene. We need to recognize what we can change and what we can't and move on from there.

What can you change in your life to make it align with who you want to be in 2014? What is out of your control? How will you deal with that out of control part?