Teabag Tarot: Today's Gratitude

Buddha Tea

This morning I woke softly with gentle wisps from a dream circling my head. Not that the dream itself was soft or gentle. So much more than that, it was significant.

The details remain deep within me. They provide a pattern of explanations for much that I've been experiencing these past few weeks.

So, what does that have to do with being grateful? I'm grateful for the nudging of the issues which arose recently. Honestly, some shoved more than nudged. All seemed relatively small and even unrelated, until the dream. I'm grateful for the perspective.

When people talk about being grateful for adversities which arise in our lives, I generally get annoyed or even angry. "Be grateful for your car accident." or "Thank the Divine for being downsized out of a job." are absurd statements that border on being abusive for so many reasons. Adverse situations, feelings of fear or personal losses are nothing to make flip comments about.

My issues tugged at me, took me into dark moments, created feelings of fear or overwhelm. They nagged at the back of my mind as I slept. Enough so that I lost sleep over them. Enough so that I dreamed about them. Then, last night, the dreams coalesced into one ~ and took me for an unexpected ride into my past and my emotional attachment to a story I had from it. Like an arrow, they pointed to one particular incident and one forgotten feeling. Shot by that arrow, I woke chuckling quietly and thinking, "Oh! So that's where all this is coming from!"

Gratitude is a practice. I could have gone through that entire dream process and never allowed it into my heart. My practice of gratitude ~ noticing and being thankful for even the littlest things in my life ~ helped seal the lesson in place. I'll probably continue to work with it. Each time it surfaces, the lesson will go a little deeper until I finally shower it with enough light and gratitude to break it apart. For that, I am thankful.

What little things nag at you? How do they show up? Do they ever join together? What do your dreams tell you about them? Do you practice gratitude? If so, how does it affect your life? If not, why not? How does that affect your life?

Leo New Moon, After Eclipsing

Photo Credit: NASA/Aubrey Gemignani

All this week, in every venue, talk eventually turns to the eclipse. Every news outlet, all social media, each conversation on the street begins with some comment about it. "Did you see?" "Where were you?" "We seem to have survived..." "Didn't realize the temperature would drop so significantly!"

With the Leo New Moon and the solar  eclipse happening at virtually the same time, the energetic effect of each increased with the power and impact of the other. Leo is all about the will, specifically, choice and action. After our experience of the new moon and eclipse, what action will we choose to take?

One of our most significant choices in life is whether we choose to see an experience as happy or miserable, as positive or negative. Our first reaction may be anger or upset or angst or fear. We cannot change the feeling. What we can change is how we move forward with it, how we see it in the larger perspective, how long we allow ourselves to sit in the stew of those emotions. We have the opportunity to use our will to move forward in whatever manner we desire.

The solar eclipse not only brought up emotions, some sensitive people had physical reactions as well. Like when we fall in love or we lose a job or someone leaves or dies, our system may respond with restlessness, a lack of appetite or an upset stomach. It's how we experience and cope with rapid change. Prior to the eclipse, discussions focussed on whether to be outside during the event, be with large or small groups, or be alone. People had celebrations, camped out, created rituals. No matter where we were or with whom, the expansive eclipse was a communal experience.

We are moving through one of those liminal places where what we choose as our focus ripples out to help form our communal future. The eclipse and this Leo New Moon are not only about our desires but also about our will to create and co-create the story of our future. Choose concisely, wisely and with care.

What did you do for/during the eclipse? What emotional responses did you have? What physical reactions did you experience? How did you choose to respond? What action are you choosing to move forward into? How do you want your future to be? What part of the story of our communal future are you willing to write?

Looking and Seeing

Look.
See.
Within the Flower
sits the Bee.

My mind races from thought to thought like the flashing of the pixels on a computer screen. I think everything is still and silent ~ until I am focused on the Bee. Then I recognize that I've been in that strange outer world of technology and light. It's the world I've created, the world in which I operate most of the time. The world of busyness and speed.

There's a difference between looking at something and truly seeing it. While striding past a patch of flowers, heading toward my car, I noticed the bright tones of gold and orange blossoms and the subtle dark green leaves. The stunning contrast caught me up short and I turned to look more closely while grabbing my camera in my bag. This was the first step ~ I looked at the composition of the patch of flowers.

When I stopped to regard the patch more closely, the movement of the bees in flight above it caught my attention. I stood still for the space of a few purposeful breaths, slow and deep, allowing my eyes to travel the bee's dance. That's when I saw a number of the bees landing on blooms, strolling through and collecting pollen.

Seeing the bees land and dance on the blooms, I raised my camera, focused and snapped the picture. The entire process didn't take long, yet it required that I pause my perpetual motion long enough to slide from noticing to looking to seeing. Each step brought me closer to the bright dance of flower, pollen and bee.

I am grateful for the flash of color, for my eyes that saw it, for my mind that recognized its beauty, for the deceleration it brought. My world is full of moments like this.

What do you allow to slow you down? What catches your eye? How do your traverse that chasm from looking to seeing? How often do you notice whatever is in the natural world around you? How diverse are the feelings you have when you slow down?

One Dream

Dream:
I was outside a building with large glass doors and a staircase directly in front of me. Many people were on the street and inside the building. It was a linimal time of day, dawn or dusk. Inside the building was lighted while outside was in shadow. Coming from that shadowy space wearing a long, open overcoat, I pulled the door open and entered. Tears were running down my face. Someone had hurt me, not physically but emotionally, and recently though not in the immediate past moments. Keeping my head down, I hoped no one would notice the tears. Someone approached from the left across the lobby as I walked toward the stairs. This person wanted to talk with me about a project on which we were jointly working. Other people were simply going up and down the staircase and across the lobby. The person (he? she?) noticed I was avoiding eye contact and, rather than discussing the project, asked if I was okay. I answered yes and continued toward the stairs, forcing the person to fall into step beside me in order to keep the conversation going.
Feeling: Curiosity and wonder.
Also: after recording this dream, I "accidently" flipped a "magnetic poetry" word off the refrigerator door (something I've never previously done) ~ the word was 'from' ~~ [curiouser and curiouser...]

Dreams, for me, bear much life into my reality. I feel them strongly and often seek to interpret them in the most straight-forward manner. This one, however, brought with it a slightly different sense: wonder. I woke curious about my reason for tears but not feeling sad or hurt at all. The sense of wonder was at the surroundings and my coat and my capacity to not be seen when I chose not to be. Though when I shared it, one friend asked about the elements in it, I found the elements drawing me were different from the ones drawing that friend. My elements were shadow, light and tears. I'll continue to explore what those mean to me as time progresses.

Do you remember your dreams? If so, do you record them? Do you explore the meaning of your dreams? What elements showed up in your dream/s? What do those elements mean to you?

The Call of Grief

Grief may be the most misunderstood of feelings. It strikes like a snake hidden in the grass. As the world begins to appear in color again, grief raises its all-suffering head. It screams, alone and out of control. It is a solitary and singular feeling.

The past two weeks, death traversed my path several times. A co-worker shared about two deaths that happened within a week of each other and another that is imminent. A friend had to put her beloved dog to sleep. Yet another school shooting tore apart a small community. After a multi-year battle, the younger brother of a friend chose to let his kidney disease take his life. I've watched for years the physical deterioration of a friend with AIDS.

I don't know how to comfort someone cocooned in grief. All I can do is reach out, touch him or her to signal "I am here for you" and allow the space or distance or closeness needed. When my own grief arises, I hope someone is around to do the same for me.

Grief is more than a feeling, stronger than any other emotion. There is an aspect of it that is intensely physical, aching and overwhelming. Its timing and rhythm are random, chaotic and entirely its own.

Despite all this, grief also draws people together. Communities care for those in grief with food, comfort and even physical assistance ~ such as cleaning house or mowing the lawn. I understand another's grief because I have tasted my own. Loss is an experience we all share. We understand its cyclical nature as well.

Have you had a recent encounter with grief? Your own? or someone else's? What effect did it have on you? What did you do about or with it? How do you care for yourself when you feel grief? Is it different if it's your own? or another's?

Who Am I Today?

Wisdom of Avalon cards ~ Colette Baron-Reid

From the guidebook:

When the Water Faery swims up to you with her liquid magic, she...asks you to consider how you really feel about things, and why. She also reminds you that you are not your feelings; you are the one experiencing them.
Remember, feelings are the fuel for manifesting. Be certain that you want to create what you're feeling. Allow your feelings to pass through and focus on the positive.

When I decided to draw from the Wisdom of Avalon deck, the query that popped into my head was a surprise even to me: Who am I today?

I stopped shuffling the deck. Really? WHO am I? My brain almost reworded the question. Instead, my hands began shuffling again and I focused on the question: Who am I today?

The Water Faery showed up. Of course, She was perfect. Occasionally, I need to be reminded that I am not my feelings, but the one experiencing them. Because of that, I have the power to change how I react to them, how I allow them to express through me.

That expression piece can get to me. The one written about the most is anger ~ don't react in anger; don't allow anger to express in mean or nasty ways. There are other feelings that capture me too: sadness, self-pity, fear, playfulness, exuberance, humor, to name a few. Even feelings that are labeled good can reach beyond the gentle flow of the water and into flood stage.

It's about choice. Who do I want to be? Today, it's the Water Faery.

What feelings are strongest for you right now? What feeling can capture you the easiest? Does it take you in a positive flow? Who do you want to be? How will you choose?

Monday #1

With my focus right now veing the practice of Lent, I find myself pulling wisps of wisdom from a variety of sources. For those who really know me, this is how I operate in the world. By this time in my life I've learned that almost everything is connected in some previously unknown way to everything else.

Today was an active, beautiful day. I found myself at peace with my surroundings while getting frustrated with at least one person. What frustrated me was the feeling of not being heard ~ or more specifically, not having my email read thoroughly ~ before getting upbraided. My first reaction was to feel angry.... "Who does...?" and "I already said..." and "What the...?" Fortunately, it was an email format. So I didn't respond. Well, I started to, but deleted what I wrote, knowing it was the exact wrong thing to do. I breathed and let it go. Besides, I was too busy with everything else to pay much attention to it.

Why is acknowledging that incident so important to me? Because I learned something about myself from it. I learned that I can be petty and that I can get angry over little things. Yes, I knew those things about myself. Every time I recognize and acknowledge doing those things or acting in those manners, I come closer to letting go of those behaviors. I don't have to dwell on them or put myself down for having them. Just notice ... and let go.

What actions or feelings or attitudes have you noticed in yourself? Are they helpful? How are you letting go?