Teabag Tarot: Today's Gratitude

Buddha Tea

This morning I woke softly with gentle wisps from a dream circling my head. Not that the dream itself was soft or gentle. So much more than that, it was significant.

The details remain deep within me. They provide a pattern of explanations for much that I've been experiencing these past few weeks.

So, what does that have to do with being grateful? I'm grateful for the nudging of the issues which arose recently. Honestly, some shoved more than nudged. All seemed relatively small and even unrelated, until the dream. I'm grateful for the perspective.

When people talk about being grateful for adversities which arise in our lives, I generally get annoyed or even angry. "Be grateful for your car accident." or "Thank the Divine for being downsized out of a job." are absurd statements that border on being abusive for so many reasons. Adverse situations, feelings of fear or personal losses are nothing to make flip comments about.

My issues tugged at me, took me into dark moments, created feelings of fear or overwhelm. They nagged at the back of my mind as I slept. Enough so that I lost sleep over them. Enough so that I dreamed about them. Then, last night, the dreams coalesced into one ~ and took me for an unexpected ride into my past and my emotional attachment to a story I had from it. Like an arrow, they pointed to one particular incident and one forgotten feeling. Shot by that arrow, I woke chuckling quietly and thinking, "Oh! So that's where all this is coming from!"

Gratitude is a practice. I could have gone through that entire dream process and never allowed it into my heart. My practice of gratitude ~ noticing and being thankful for even the littlest things in my life ~ helped seal the lesson in place. I'll probably continue to work with it. Each time it surfaces, the lesson will go a little deeper until I finally shower it with enough light and gratitude to break it apart. For that, I am thankful.

What little things nag at you? How do they show up? Do they ever join together? What do your dreams tell you about them? Do you practice gratitude? If so, how does it affect your life? If not, why not? How does that affect your life?

Arriving Home

Spending the past month traveling [on the road, pilgrimage, walkabout, however one names it], I've been fortunate enough to make a couple of pauses back home again. Several thoughts and insights arose from those pauses.

Foremost is gratitude for those who remain behind and continue to make that place from which I started a home. It's a place to which I'm happy to return. Not only the physical place, but also the comfort of family and friends. I recognize that everyone in it ~ from the baristas at Starbucks who know my name and my drink preferences to the musicians and other friends who follow me on social media to former co-workers asking for details ~ everyone reaches out with recognition and comfort when I return.

This particular T. S. Eliot quote has stirred my soul since I first read it in high school. Exploration includes travel, yet that is not all that it is. It encompasses much more than that. It's also the exploration of our surroundings in other ways. We step out into a new form of the world. We examine and try on new ideas, new thoughts, new identities. We watch ourselves grow and change into adults, partners, parents, friends. We move through our physical, mental, emotional, spiritual worlds ~ sometimes filled with care, sometimes crashing and burning, sometimes on quiet tiptoe. Even so, there is for each of us a resting place, a place from which we rose and a place to which we return. We may return to it as a different, changed person ~ but it remains deep within us nevertheless.

I used to think it was about returning to a particular place, home, neighborhood, city, whatever. As time continues to move forward in its ever plodding way, I believe it is more about that spot deep within us in which resides our personal and/or collective Still Small Voice. We can define It, name It however we choose: God, Goddess, Universal Mind, Creator, Higher Power, Allah, Great Spirit or even Lebowski. I doubt that It is particular about how we call It. Yet I firmly believe that It, that incredible Ineffable One, is the place from which we come and the place to which we eventually return.

What/How do you name your Still Small Voice? What are you currently exploring? What have you recently explored? Have any of the places you've explored changed in the recent past? Do you expect any to change in the future? Where did you start from? How do you feel about returning there?

Being Thankful

Today is the U.S. holiday of Thanksgiving: the most-traveled weekend and one of the most family-oriented holidays. Something about giving thanks reminds us of family even if our definition of family is different. For some it is blood relations. For others it is family-of-choice. For many it is a blending of blood relations, marriage relations and friends. A time when we open our hearts and our homes to others.

At some point, I learned to be thankful for everything. Perhaps it came in young adulthood with the Bible verse that says In everything give thanks. Although I don't recall ever following that as precisely as it directs, I learned to acknowledge and express my gratitude more and more.

According to the Law of Attraction, we draw to us whatever it is we think and talk about. The more I felt and expressed my gratitude, the more I found coming my way to be grateful for. I'm not sure if it was that more wonderful things happened or that I was noticing more of what was already there.

I plan to regularly acknowledge more of the things for which I am grateful even beyond this Thanksgiving season. At this moment, some of the things are simple: clean sheets, heat, cold pack for my jammed toe, the cat. Other things are essential: my partner, my daughter, my family and friends. Still others, though non-essential, bring me joy, peace, camaraderie: my Starbucks' kaffeeklatsch, my exercise class, my Facebook writing support. Once begun, I find myself on a roll until I mention even the most minute item. My best time to consider them is before falling asleep. In the space of being thankful, I sleep far more peacefully.

For what are you thankful? How do you categorize your gratitude? Do you have ~ or have you had ~ a gratitude practice? What is/was it? Have you noticed the more you express your gratitude, the more things come your way to be grateful for? Why do you think that is? How do you celebrate Thanksgiving?

All Souls Day of the Dead

All Souls Night by Loreena McKennitt

All Souls Day. The Day of the Dead. Another day to remember and honor our dead. Another day to recognize the thin veils between the worlds. An electrifying time of year as people feel the energy and pressure of those on the other side of that incorporeal veil.

Loreena McKennitt's song All Souls Night describes today in haunting terms:

Standing on the bridge that crosses
the river that goes out to the sea.
The wind is full of a thousand voices.
They pass by the bridge and me.

We find comfort in our search to know what's happened to our loved ones after death. We long to know they are safe, holding space for us. This day we honor our ancestors ~ as well as reiterate they are on the other side of the veil. It's a time to visit, to acknowledge our continued connection, to express our gratitude, to heal.

After spending most of our year in the solid reality of our daily lives, having a day or two where we feel or hear or see those who have gone before us can strike us as eerie, scary, unnerving. Many of our workaday worlds teach us that death means our loved ones, our ancestors are gone. So when we feel the breeze of their presence or hear a long lost voice or catch a glimpse of someone clothed with familiar clothing, we are shaken and assume we are crazed.

Not today. Not in this brief season from All Hallows Eve to All Souls Day or the Day of the Dead. Now we allow ourselves to be comforted by the watchfulness of our ancestors. We have them momentarily near us again. Watch for them. Thank them and let them go. Today is the perfect day for that.

Which of your ancestors do you most miss? To whom do you feel connected? How does this season show up in your life? How do you sense the passing of the souls on the bridge between the worlds? What rituals do you use to honor them? to let them go?

Seize the Day

I recall hearing the phrase carpe diem from early childhood. My father and uncles had been in the armed forces. It was phrase they lived by while in combat. They knew it was possible they would not survive to see another day.

Through most of my adult life, it was a phrase I avoided. Not the sentiment of living each day to the fullest, but the simple Latin statement. I had grown to attach it to the violence of war.

Recently, I heard carpe diem slipping into my mind more and more often. Like a rock found on the side of a familiar path, I grabbed them up, turned them over and inspected them. I thought I knew them, knew what they were made of, knew how they were formed ~ but I discovered I only knew them in part. This most recent handling of them brought out a new question: What did carpe diem mean to me now?

What surfaced was a deeper understanding of the meaning to my parents' generation. The tenderness and vulnerability of life. The possibility, even likelihood, of change ~ including death. Grasping for the vitality existing in the moment, in today, because tomorrow was promised to no one.

When I see the word plastered on cards, t-shirts, journals, buttons and stickers, I resist it. My own tender and vulnerable view of time, of the world around me, of the often shaky balance of the world leaves me wondering if my energy reflects that of others viewing the same item. Or are they seeing it as a reflection of their own desire to have, to grab, to claim everything they want? I pause with a whisper of gratitude to those men, now gone from this life, who introduced me to carpe diem.

What do you think of when you see or hear carpe diem? How does it meld with your world view? or does it? To what in your life could you apply this principle?

Considering Blessings

John O'Donohue is one of those master teachers akin to Buddha, Confucius and Gandhi. In simple, gracious terms, he describes the day-to-day world and brings it into a new and wondrous focus. This particular quote resonates with all that I am currently sensing.

Yesterday I filled out my retirement paperwork. It's been a long time coming, yet I continued to waffle and waver almost all the way to the office.

Afterward, and all day today, I found myself bubbling over with gratitude. Recognizing the blessings of my life amidst the occasional sense of uncertainty, my heart overflowed.

The blessings showering my life in this moment are many. Here's a few that protect, heal and strengthen me as I continue into retirement:
Foremost among these blessings ~ my family and my friends. I am blessed to be included in many varied circles, populated by much love and joy. I'm blessed to be retiring from a job I loved, that kept me learning and creative; and with a pension plan that is no longer available to serve the young as it does me. My health is good and I am active and strong. While I am retiring, I am not yet eligible for social security. All these things are incredible blessings and only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the good, the wonderful, the fullness in my life. As I continue on this path toward a new beginning, many of these blessings flicker in front of me like fireflies on a dark summer night. I am grateful.

I also acknowledge that I am here to create blessings in other people's lives. That's part of the circle, the cycle of blessings ~ receive, be grateful, pass on. It makes life far more amazing and bearable. I receive as I give and gratitude is the grease that keeps the blessings in motion.

Where are you in your current life path? What are you grateful for? What blesses you? Who blesses your life? How do you express your gratitude? Whose life do you bless?

Beltaine 2016

I love this image I found online because it is a Beltaine gathering and dance. My favorite part of it is the Beltaine fire ~ in the shape of a phoenix.

Beltaine is about the fertility of the land. An acknowledgement of the coming lushness. Gratitude for the cyclical blessing from the union of Mother Earth and Father Sky.

It's also about rebirth and resurrection. In Christian traditions, Easter is near to this time. Even closer in Orthodox traditions. In Judaism, it is near Passover, another celebration of release. A rebirth, renewal.

Every Spring, when Beltaine nears, I feel the pull of Oya's dance of renewal. I find myself tugged in the direction of the sea. Mama Ocean calls to me. A bonfire on the shore is a wonderful celebration of this call and this time.

This year in particular, I feel the surge of the Earth and Ocean. I feel the tug of the warming weather and Sun. As Beltaine approached, I found myself nearly tripping over a squirrel, sitting peacefully on the pavement in front of me. As I approached, unaware in my rush, it did not move until I was less than a foot away. Then only as far as under the bush beside the walk. Sitting, watching me, as though to say, Slow down and notice. Good thing I noticed. As I approached my car, a crow was sitting on the ground beside it. I slowed down as it turned its head from side to side, noticing me too. It remained next to my car until I was less than three feet from it. Then it hopped a few feet farther away, turned to watch me and chatter. I spoke back to it ~ of my gratitude for its presence and my honoring of our mutual awareness of each other. It bowed to me as I opened my car door and got in. Then it hopped on a rock and watched me depart. That noticing, that slowing down to breathe, is the expression of celebrating Beltaine for me.

How do you celebrate the coming of the next step of Spring? What do you feel as the weather warms and everything turns brighter green and colorful? How do you acknowledge the gifts of Earth and Sky?

Don't Go Back to Sleep

Five mornings a week through every season of the year, my drive to work takes me directly into the sunrise. [The rest of the year, it's either full dark or the sun's already above the horizon.]

The scene is often breath-taking at dawn: fog rising off a river, hillsides covered with greenery, clouds playing peek-a-boo with the light. Of course, there is also the traffic, the mile markers and the exits. Yet through it all, what I see, what wakes me up, is the beauty.

These things make up my version of Rumi's world. As I drive through these adjoining worlds ~ akin to Rumi's doorsill ~ I often find myself seeking something. I ask for guidance for the day. Or I express gratitude for the beauty. Or I request blessings on friends, co-workers or loved ones in distress. Until I found and read this poem again, I didn't realize that I was following Rumi's advice to "ask for what [I] really want." The moments of growing light are the grand doorway to the world's beauty. Beauty captures the heart and leaves it grateful.

One of my favorite phrases of Rumi's has always been his charge: "Don't go back to sleep!" In the midst of that morning beauty, it is easy to express gratitude. It is a wonderful reminder of the glory of the Earth and the great gift of Life.

I start my days that way because it is so much easier to 'go back to sleep' later in the day, when the beauty is not quite as breath-taking and visible. If I practice gratitude and awareness first thing in the morning, it creates a rhythm within me to continue to be awake, or to return to wakefulness, later. Rumi reminds us to be mindful of the 'breeze at dawn' because those are the moments when we can breathe in that awareness of the side-by-side worlds before getting bogged down in the mundane routines of our day. It helps keep us focused.

How do you begin your day? What is your 'breeze at dawn'? your 'doorsill where the two worlds touch'? What did you ask for today? How do you make your requests? How do you remind yourself to not 'go back to sleep'?

Standing within the Otherness

©2014 Mary-Lynne Monroe

"I stood willingly and gladly in the characters of everything ~ other people, trees, clouds. And this is what I learned, that the world's otherness is antidote to confusion ~ that standing within this otherness ~ the beauty and the mystery of the world, out in the fields or deep inside books ~ can re-dignify the worst stung heart."

~ Mary Oliver

What a rich and vibrant imagination Mary Oliver has! She writes of the capacity, the ability to stand in the character of another ~ whether that 'other' is human or not. I meditated deeply on this concept, which was a good thing to do. I remembered times when I did perhaps what she writes of, or perhaps something that's only akin to it.

In February of 2014 a friend and I took a short road trip. We arrived late and settled into our room. I woke earlier than she did so I bundled myself up, gathered my camera and gloves, and set out for a walk. The air was clear and crisp with frost covering the shaded bushes. I set a quick pace. Every possible element of nature seen on that walk spoke to me ~ the high blue-shadowed hillsides, the stark trees with their arms askew, the noisy crows. I spoke to them all as I snapped photos. As I was returning to the motel, caws became louder, more insistent and angry. I looked around for the cause of the crow's ire. Sitting in a nearby tree was a beautiful red-tailed hawk. Whispering my gratitude to my beloved crows, I pointed my camera into the branches. The hawk seemed to pause, posing for me, head turning from side to side, body occasionally bouncing forward. I was so engrossed that when the hawk took flight, I could feel my body lighten and lift. Although at that moment, I lost sight of the hawk, I felt the full extension of the wings catching air. Returning to myself, I went inside the motel to prepare for the rest of my day ~ overflowing with joy and gratitude.

Have you had an experience of connection with nature, of 'standing in the character of another'? What was it like? How did you feel afterward? How would you step into nature to find that kind of experience? Are there other authors who have described the kind of experience you had?

First Snow

We had our first snow of the year today. In my particular neighborhood, not much to it. Yet the streets are ice-covered skating rinks for driving. And the freezing rain continues to fall atop the dusting of white fluff. All-in-all, a great day to stay snuggled indoors, sipping hot chai, writing and watching the cat curl deeper into the comforter in his sleep.

We made it out to our morning coffee spot. Another 'regular' and growing-into-friend was there as well. His wife died Christmas morning and he has promised us who gather there that he will come for coffee every morning. We could not let him sit alone. So we went, sat in comfortable silence for awhile, chatted about the effect of the snow on cars, tires, bicycles, then parted ~ he, on to the remainder of his day; we, on to our crossword puzzling. Amazed and blessed that we could each and all show up safely.

When I returned home, I took my camera out, deciding to take a picture or two of the first snow fall. Crystal pellets of frozen rain tapped my head and hands as I focused my eyes and the camera's lens. The helleborus whose first blossom had popped through right before New Year's Day was covered with the wintry mix. I wanted to clear the snow out and leave the plant open, but did not do so, realizing the snow is a protective layer now ~ keeping the icy pellets away from the earth and roots. Will the delicate bloom survive this onslaught? The answer will com with the thaw tomorrow or the day after that. Since it's happened in the past, I remain hopeful.

As I stepped into the side yard, I was greeted by the faint, elegant tracks of a bird searching for seed or rest or shelter as it hopped around on the ground. Nothing else had disturbed the prints and I breathed my gratitude that, at least for the moment, the neighborhood ferals ~ cats, skunks, raccoons, dogs, coyotes ~ had not gotten it.

I am amazed by the beauty of the world coated lightly in white. Hope and joy accompany this first snow, though I have no explanation as to why that might be so. Yet there they run, across the backs of my hands and tapping out an electric rhythm on my ribcage. Everything glows with possibility and signs of life are radiantly visible.

How do you feel with the first snow? Or the first rain? What do you notice as it falls? when it ends? What signs of life show themselves to you? How do you see it? What feelings arise in you? How do they express themselves in your body?

October New Moon in Libra

Wow! It's been a long time since I've written in this blog. September was a wild ride month. Anyone else experience that? Lots of energy buzzing and zapping around with the eclipses, the equinox and Mercury retrograde. It's good to be on the other side of that.

Now there's a New Moon in Libra ~ which is all about relationships ~ and that will be greatly assisted by being past the wild and wacky energy of the past month!

Now is the time for balance. Settling in just enough to make me recognize my own need for self-care in all areas: mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It's also the time to honor communications as the leading edge for growth. Listen with an open mind. Speak from the heart's truth. Remember to express gratitude.

Continuing on the path of change, making big plans and keeping track of the details finds support at this time too. It's about Choice: tension or release? movement or stagnation? healing or rage? being awake or staying asleep? owning what needs to be healed or projecting it on others?

Personally, I'm being challenged to be more centered and reflect what is being mirrored to me by the world. I continue to learn to use ~ as well as to rest ~ my voice, speaking clearly from my own truth and expressing my feelings. If I believe in my purpose and myself, I can stand in relationship with those around me without causing harm to either myself or the other. I am also working through and with balancing the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine. For me, this balance has been going on for years. It's a dance I enjoy having.

I recall something one of my former teachers said: "Each time you let go, each time you learn a lesson, it will come back to you in the old way again. Only the next time, you will go deeper to release it. And so it will go until you are done." Learning the lessons, evolving to the next level, continues in a spiral, looping back over and over again so the mastery can get deeper and deeper.

What lesson are you learning? What is the truth that is seeking you? What change is poking itself into your life? How do your relationships support you? How do you balance it all?

Christmas Night

Christmas night was dark and beautiful. There was a crystal glow around the moon. As I focused my camera and zoomed on it, I held my breath ~ exhaling slowly as I snapped the shot.

Involuntarily, a smile grew across my lips. I spoke quietly to the silvery glow. "You are beautiful tonight, Lady. Thank You for Your beautiful show."

I stood outside in the dark. Inside, family and friends ate, talked and laughed. My sense of contentment overwhelmed any other thought. I walked farther into the darkness, watching the show as clouds scudded across the moon then released Her. Stars winked through the wisps of cloud.

Gratitude washed over me ~ and continues to wash over me as I remember the moment. "Thank You, Lady, for family, friends and love. Thank You for memory and choice. Thank You for all who have passed through my life. Bring blessings to each."

For what are you grateful during this holiday season? Do you take moments to look at the night sky? What feeling does the night bring you?

Gemini Full Moon

©2014 ML Monroe

As darkness fell on the night of the full moon, the sky overhead abounded with clouds. Pulling up to the library, I thought, "Here's a month I'll miss getting pictures of the full moon!" I stepped out of my car and walked across the drive to the entry. As I glanced to the east, my breath caught. The moon was a picturesque haunting vision with wisps of dark clouds scudding over her surface. I pulled out my camera and snapped a couple dozen shots. No touch-up needed to show Her amazing beauty.

This Gemini Full Moon is expansive and empowering ~ an abeyance from the intensity that has swirled through life in recent months. Attitude is vital to the capacity to move forward; gratitude and avidity top the list.

In December 1999, a Hopi Elder spoke words that reveal the power of our attitude ~ and this moon:

"There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are torn apart and will suffer greatly.
Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above water.
And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally. Least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.
...
Banish the word 'struggle' from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration."

What will you do in this moment between breaths? How will you release the word 'struggle'? What attitude/s will you choose to have as you move forward toward Solstice and the New Year?

Meaning in Life

"If you want a meaning in your life, find a meaning and bring it into your life, but life won't give you a meaning. Meaning is a concept. It is a notion of an end toward which you are going. The point of Buddhism is This Is It."

~ Joseph Campbell, Myths of Light

Though I wouldn't call myself a Buddhist, I willingly acknowledge This Is It. This moment is truly all I have. I plan for the future: what I'll wear tomorrow; how soon I can pay off my credit cards; dinner plans with a friend. That keeps my mind's eye pointed in that direction. What I have, though, is NOW: the clatter of dishes in the sink, the people around me talking, the music playing over the radio..... and what's most alive in my soul.

What is it that's alive in my soul? In this moment, it's gratitude: for a warm place to sit; for the technology on which I am typing; for the tea I am drinking; for the people in my life, individually and collectively; for my employment.

For me, the most difficult part of This Is It rests in letting go of the plans, of the chatter of my mind about what more needs to be done, of the itch to tap the next screen and read the next text. I live and breathe our fast-paced, overwrought world. Besides that, I'm an information junkie ~~ in certain arenas. I love reading, learning, discovering. Those things keep me focused on the future, on tomorrow or, at the very least, on the next moment.

For now, I'll take a deep breath, let my fingers rest beside the keys rather than on them, close my eyes, and let the breath flow out of me.

How do you stay focused on this moment, the one you are in? Do you believe This Is It? or do you believe there is more? How do you balance yourself between the Now and the Then?

300 Posts

ML Monroe ~ 2013

"You are never given a dream without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however."

~ Richard Bach

Today I'm giving myself the opportunity and permission to celebrate. I had a dream that I would continue to write a blog for 30 days, or however many continued to bubble out of my moving fingers. Today's post is number 301. Even skipping an occasional day, I've written fairly continuously since March. That's an accomplishment worth celebrating!

I believe in celebrating every accomplishment we have ~~ every dream that comes true ~~ no matter whether it is a large colorful one or a small barely noticeable one or any in between. Celebrations can be, as this is, simple acknowledgements of having done the work to completion. Or taking oneself out to dinner. Or throwing a party. Or going to bed early. Whatever makes your heart sing when the task is over.

We human beings are better at putting ourselves down than at self-congratulations. I'm not saying to brag or boast, but to recognize that we have gone through some steps or trials or learning or whatever it takes in order to get there. I am always grateful for every encouraging word or smile; every person or thing that helped ease the way forward. I believe in recognizing, in the process, that others help us attain those goals too ~ we are part of a larger community that supports each other.

What have you accomplished today? How do you feel about your accomplishment? Have you expressed your self-congratulations? Have you expressed your gratitude? How have you done that?

Time to be Grateful

At work the other day, I asked one of my co-workers about his toddler. He responded that he was worried about the child. As the conversation progressed, he described worries of the general kind: the current respiratory illness going around, the possibility of falls toddling around, ways to keep the child safe.

He said, "I must sound like a real goof with all my worries."
I chuckled and said, "Not at all. You sound like a normal parent. And this is just the beginning."
He responded, "I know! If I knew what I was signing up for, I don't know that I would have been so anxious to have a kid!"
We both laughed.

Another co-worker overheard part of the conversation and said, "We are living in the greatest times ever! We don't have to worry about being raped and pillaged on a regular basis."
I responded, "Maybe not you. Women still have to worry about rape."
Both co-workers agreed.

Later, as I thought about the conversation, I realized the second co-worker was correct with the first part of his statement at least: we do live in generally safe times. A book I recently read was describing the influenza epidemic of a century ago. Although I'd read about it in the past, it put the deaths of millions of people into a different perspective. Men who were apparently healthy left the house in the morning for work and dropped dead, or nearly so, on the street before they could return home that night. People were instructed to wear surgical masks when they went out. Many forgot. Public events were canceled. Then, when they thought the worst was over, the next wave came through. Imagine being a parent during those two or so years!

I'm grateful for the times in which we live. The truly negative side is the news putting too much focus on the negative and the deadly without adding perspective to it. Yet overall, our times are so much better and safer than the past that it's easy to forget to be thankful. I'd prefer not to forget.

How do you feel about our times? How do you deal with the discrepancies between those in different socio-economic standings? What is your biggest worry today?

A Time to Mourn

From Ecclesiastes 3:1-2a,4b:
"To every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die; ... a time to mourn, and a time to dance"

For several years I was privileged to attend the Women's Summer Solstice gathering and camp out. I met an incredible group of women of deep soul and spirit. Though I have not attended in recent years, my bond with these women is silk and steel. They have held me, taught me, laughed with me, cried in my arms. We have shared songs, danced in ceremony, prayed in lodge. I am immensely grateful for them.

One of my bright sisters left this world today. She was a singer, songwriter, dancer, fire tender, prayer leader, and so much more. I feel the sorrow and the tug of her passing. In this moment, it's a time to mourn.

Yet, as I think of that phrase, the opposing one echoes in my mind: a time to dance. My heart fills with the joy of her laughter and her songs. She lived life full out and was a force for gratitude and joy.

As I take time to breathe through the grief and the joy, I recognize that each woman and each man I've encountered over the years of my life has been precious, each has added something to my life that no other can. Each moment of presence with them is a gift. It is so easy to forget that there is a time for everything, including gratitude, grace and remembering. In this moment of grief, I am grateful for the grace to pause ~ and to remember.

Who has passed from your life recently? What gift did his or her passing bring you? Did you allow yourself time to mourn? and time to dance?

Experience the Mystery

"The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science.
I am satisfied with the mystery of life's eternity and with a knowledge, a sense, of the marvelous structure of existence - as well as the humble attempt to understand even a tiny portion of the Reason that manifests itself in nature."

~ Albert Einstein

This beautiful double rainbow graced one of my recent visits to the coast. The sun was bright and the rain was soft. The expanse of the double rainbow ranged across the ocean. My camera couldn't capture it all and do it justice. In reality, the colors ~ narrow washed out bands in this image ~ pulsed with life and vibrancy. Although I have heard and read scientific explanations about the cause of rainbows, and even double rainbows, what I felt in the moment was awe. Knowledge trumped by Mystery.

My life progresses as a series of these kinds of moments. Perhaps not contiguous moments, yet ones that, if and when I allow myself to notice, spark life into each day. From the first light glimmering through my window in the morning to the flowers blossoming in the yard to the redtail hawk soaring overhead to the glow of the moon in a night-dark sky. From the purring of my cat to the beat of the music as I drive to the sounds of laughter to the burble of the fountain to the heartfelt 'thank you' from a co-worker. I could go on and on and on. When I notice, when I take the blinders from my own eyes, when I stop planning and remembering and pondering, I am blessed by the love of Mystery.

When do you feel awe? What do you notice that brings you joy? How do those feelings express themselves in your life?

Un-Becoming

This is one of those uncredited or anonymous quotes that free floats on Facebook and Pinterest. It's also one of my current favorites.

I've spent many days, weeks, months looking at what I needed to become or how I needed to be in the world. How do I improve my ability to..... [fill in the blank: be in relationship, be a friend, work better, make money, live more easily in the world, etc. etc. etc.] I'm sure these ponderings, workshops, classes, meditations were all helpful in their own ways. I returned over and over again to doing something in order to become, well, honestly, I'm not sure what, only that whatever 'it' was, I'd be better being or doing 'it.'

Then I read this quote. The world went TILT and I went with it. 'Un-becoming' was a totally new concept to me. Not changing or improving or even letting go. More of an unraveling of what I learned and what I've been. It felt like a mulligan, the chance to re-do my beingness in the world. What freedom! Yet ~ as I said ~ everything shuddered as it shifted.

In every group setting in my adult life where we've discussed how to be in the world, the comparison to child-like trust and understanding is always mentioned. Every one. Yet not one of them suggested that perhaps we needed to un-become. Not only to unlearn or let go of things that no longer serve us, but to shift our being to that more innocent, loving, trusting phase of our lives. And in that process, to recognize that we were truly meant to be (something) in the first place. Something/Someone important. The original blessing of our life on Planet Earth, right here, right now. Something I am extremely grateful to recognize in this moment.

What do you believe about your life? What would un-becoming look like for you? How does it feel to think about un-becoming?

Authentic Purpose

As March ended and April was about to begin, I drew three cards from the Wisdom of the Hidden Realms deck by Colette Baron-Reid. I focused on a different question for each draw. The final query: What strength/gift do I need as I step forward into April? The card I drew? The Mapmaker of Destiny.... even the name sounds auspicious!

From the guidebook:
"At birth, each human being is given a unique map with myriad paths that intersect with one another. Your Map of Destiny shows all the places you're meant to visit, places where you will be challenged to evolve into the highest aspects of the Self. ... Fate is transformed into Destiny according to how you respond to your circumstances. ... Pay attention as your map unfolds now. And remember that Fate makes the map, but Destiny is determined by the manner in which you engage your journey."

I like the subtle twist on the difference between Fate and Destiny. It grabs my imagination and ignites my intellect. Fate is what is handed to you by life, heritage, environment; Destiny is what you do with it all, how you act, react, interact.

As I've been Practicing Lent, I've paused to reflect on the past year, the past five years, the past twenty years, the past thirty-five years...... in short, on the whole of my adult life. It's hard to reflect on my childhood because there are so few choices I could make simply by virtue of my age. But once I became an adult, able to make my own choices and follow through on them, there was an element I could reflect back upon from the distance of time.

What I found was that no matter when or where or how, every chance I got, my heart, mind and soul always turned toward the Divine Essence. Every time. I found reasons to be grateful. I found reasons to rejoice. I found ways to express the awe that lived within and around me. I continue on that journey, using that glowing map of Destiny ever leading me toward the Ineffable. That connection, alive and vibrant, is what I need as I continue forward on my journey.

What draws you forward in life? Is there an overriding theme to your life? Have you taken the time to look for one? What would that time look like for you?