The Storm, Part 1

I thought I'd left it behind, that desire to remember everything, every ache, every pain, every wrong anyone had ever done to me. Walked away from the desire to carry it all to my grave. I'd certainly done my work on it ~ as it had done its work on me.

Then I encountered The Storm ~ an event both external and internal ~ that unsettled me, that openly illustrated that I hadn't experienced all the elements to this depth previously. I began to realize how much I hadn't truly let go.....

In this moment, letting go has become a continuing drift from memory to ache to forgiveness and back again. It's not entirely over yet. I've scarcely stepped through the Heart Gate ~ this place where I deeply feel all things bubbling and roiling in intense, wild and wondrous ways. My Shield is down ~ lying in the darkness beside the Path ~ and I'm still upright, still moving forward. Feeling every movement, every shift, both inside and out.

Through my own encounters, I have learned that each person experiences a different version of The Storm, one that is tailored to the individual. The experience is defined as much by how one holds on to personal 'stuff' as what one chooses to hold on to.

No matter, The Storm has its effect. As Murakami's final two lines say:

"When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what the storm's all about."

Have you encountered The Storm in your life? Or perhaps more than one? What changed for you? What changed within you? How are you different?

What Matters Most

The past several days have been hot.... well, maybe not truly or incredibly hot, but certainly a rapid change from the cool Spring temperatures that had been hanging around for awhile. I am not overly fond of the heat and sometimes find myself either very quiet or somewhat inexplicably crabby. Finding this quote at this particular moment was providential.

Different traditions use different words, yet the sentiment is essentially the same. What matters most is not me or the heat or the acquisition of stuff or even my personal happiness. What matters is loving well. For me that means putting aside the pettiness that often creeps into my mind, words and heart. It means looking at the welfare of others first, but not out of a sense of obligation ~ instead out of a sense of love, honoring, devotion.

How fully I live matters. Not whether or not I'm happy or I have everything I could ever want [which never happens]. It's about awareness.... being in the moment, aware of the joy, sorrow, laughter that is life. I believe it also means being aware of the impact of humanity on Mother Earth and understanding that I am a part of that grand circle of all living things.

The last point ~ deeply letting go ~ is probably the most difficult. I like hanging on to the cuts and scrapes my ego has endured ~ and telling everyone how wonderful I am for having endured them. It keeps me hanging on to the negative aspects of people and situations far longer than I ever needed to. What I really need and want to do is experience, breathe in, the fullness of what is happening in the moment and let the rest fall away and into place on its own.

How do you decide if you love well? or live fully? or let go deeply? What do you do if the answer to any of those queries is "no"?