Energies for Travel

Starting out on a month of travel, I chose a couple of cards from the Mythical Goddess Tarot by Sage Holloway and Katherine Skaggs. My focus as I shuffled and drew: What Energy/Energies go with me as I head out on this journey?

The first card was the 8 of Seas with the title Depletion. My initial reaction was that I'd somehow made a mistake. I hadn't been concentrating on the 'right' thing. We all know the truth of those kinds of reactions. Sometimes what we fear, what we draw away from, is precisely what we need to understand.

I grabbed the guide and read:
Saturn in Pisces
Beached whales lie ashore on gray sands under dull skies. There is no vitality, no light, ... in this landscape. This card is a caution against burnout and emotional depletion.
Your heart must have the nourishment and attention it needs, ... It is a top priority for you to nurture yourself and pay attention to your feelings ....

My jaw nearly dropped in amazement. Then I began to chuckle. Obviously, there was more to this draw than I'd appreciated on first glance. I'm growing past an experience that left me with a degree of PTSD. Even though I've been feeling better and life is going more smoothly, there is some residual angst. My journey is to visit friends who have always been supportive and uplifting. This card reassures that I am going to the right place for my continued healing.

The second draw was Uzume on the Fool. She looks exuberant dancing on the drum head. I love the Fool.

From the guide:
Air
Uzume is the whirling Japanese Goddess who lured the Sun Goddess, Amaterasu, from her dark cave. ...
The Goddess Uzume dances to the whirling cosmos, without regard to the rules and restrictions of the physical world. Like the air element she represents, she has no agenda and no baggage. Uzume draws forth the child-like innocence in everyone she meets. She is the essence of Spirit. She embodies nonconformity and the transcendence of the earthly realm. Uzume is the archetypal Wild Woman. ...
Uzume as the Fool reminds you to be free in your expression and the way you view the world. .... Be like Uzume and free your inner radiance into expression, by being true to your genuine essence, released from the restricted limitations of your genetics and the world around you.

This brought home to me the other reason for my trip: to fully embrace the wildness and wonder of life. I have the opportunity to dance in a way that I haven't for awhile. I've felt this urge growing in recent weeks: the desire to move more freely, and with more joy, in my journey through the world. What an incredible pair of cards to draw!

How are you moving through the world? What saps your vitality? How does depletion show up in your life? What do you do when you feel the urge to dance, in whatever way that shows up? How does it show up in your life? When was the last time you opted to do something that had an element of the wild? What did you do? If it hasn't been recent, what can you do to encourage your own joyful nature?

Memory and Music

Every now and again, a song or a performer strikes the heart deeply enough to rock us to the depths of our souls. The right music. Different songs for many people. Different performers for them as well.

Last night, one of those performers played his heart out in one small bar. Why was this performer different? What did he have that touched our souls? Not an easy answer. Perhaps it is that all who were there to hear him were immersed in the same mythos ~ the one created by and for this particular performer.

Over a decade ago, we celebrated this performer with and at a fundraiser because we were certain he'd be leaving our presence soon. He'd been living with AIDS for a decade and things were looking dubious. He remains with us, in this world, on this side of the veil, and filled with a passion when he performs that puts all in his presence to shame.

Although he no longer has the stamina to play three or four hour gigs, what he does play brings all of us to that point of letting go and riding the wave of the music to forgetfulness or remembrance, whichever place we need to reach at the moment. During one of the songs, with a band consisting of drums, piano, trumpet and trombone complementing his guitar and vocals, I was swept into an ecstasy of spirit that had nothing to do with the half-glass of wine I'd consumed. I could feel the music within and beneath me, carrying me away. Even as a music lover, very few performers and performances bring me to that point. Suddenly, everything was in its proper perspective, The music, the people, the time ~ all was right with the world.

What music brings you to that place of forgetting or remembering? Is it a type of music? a performer? a particular song? Does certain music bring amnesia? Other music bring memory? Are you in the moment with the music? To what era/time in your life does it transport you?

Finding Freedom

Have you ever been so intimidated by your own fears, apprehensions and anxieties that you lost track of your goals, perhaps even your spirit or soul?

Many times in my life, I've opted for what might appear as the easy way out. I've let fear overtake my deeper desires and sense of self. It hasn't always been as clear or easy a choice as it may seem. I've struggled. Tossed and turned, whether asleep or awake, with the questions. Prayed over it. Rarely released it.

Then there have been those times when the decision to move forward, to move in the direction of the fear rather than away from it, was clearly the best choice. Wow! Tough options to feel my way through.

One of those decisions happened shortly after a cross-country move. I was married at the time of the move. My husband had many challenges in his life. He was depressed and an alcoholic-addict. These things weren't evident to my young adult self when we met, dated and married. They blossomed after we went through an emotionally traumatic year when his father was diagnosed with cancer, my father died suddenly of a heart attack, then his father died after a brief and brutal period with the cancer. I became stronger from the experiences. He, on the other hand, lost himself. So when we moved cross-country, away from our support systems, we intended to start afresh. That didn't work. The pain within him traveled cross-country with us. Before we had been there a year, I moved out and filed for divorce. It was not an easy decision. I knew he was in pain. I knew my strength could support him. I loved him dearly. I was afraid of the judgment others would pass on me for divorcing him. There was no single determining factor in my decision. I only knew, deep in my soul, that I could not carry him to wholeness. He had to do it on his own. Or not. Depending on me would not help him heal. My decision freed us both to move on to a new life.

Another decision stemmed from a co-worker suggesting that I go overseas to teach. He told me about his time teaching in Germany and said it was a great experience. At the time, I was single and he thought that would be a good move for me. Within a month of his suggestion, I was heading to an international schools hiring conference in New Orleans. By the end of the weekend, I had a contract to teach computer tech in Cairo, Egypt. I'd never taught computer tech before, but I convinced the interviewers that I could. I was going to live in Cairo! Doing that on my own, I was later to find, was the most wild and wonderful adventure I could ever have chosen. But what it meant in the short-term as I prepped to go was facing a lot of apprehensions and fears. What would I need to take? Where would I live? Would I be able to teach the full range of students? What support would the staff require? Where would I store the things I was leaving behind? How would I continue to pay my bills? The list went on and on. One by one, I faced them down and never looked back.

What decision points have you faced in your life? What part has fear or anxiety played in your decision? Have you discovered a place of freedom from your choice? Do you have any regrets? How do you deal with those?

What Brings Strength

from the Haindl Tarot

I'm amazed by the fact that I haven't written on my blog for nearly a month. The year began swimmingly well, then..... Ah, well. That's how life goes, isn't it?

A few weeks back I participated in a fantastic tarot workshop. Afterward, I roamed the local New Age bookstore and looked at several tarot decks. I have a couple of them, but neither has felt quite complete for me. So recently, I bought a new tarot deck ~ or two. I really love this one. It's designed by Hermann Haindl and the cards are exquisite. I love the ethereal earthiness of them.

From the pamphlet:

The Ace of Stones in the West. The eagle landing on the rock is the two fundamental realms joined. Earth and sky, "ordinary" reality and spirit, feminine and masculine. The sky, the Earth, the rainbow are beauty and gifts.

For me, the flecks of white represent feathers and fluff tossed by the wind. So much of my life is touched by the lightest of substances being blown through it by Spirit.... chance encounters, odd phrases tripping off the tongue and caught, a sudden outburst of weather. Each of these connect and focus my inner eye.

The Eagle making contact with the Stone reminds me of the balance of Air and Earth, Breath and Body. The Stone appears so huge in comparison to the Eagle. If the Eagle touched down too quickly or at the wrong angle, great damage could be done. Behind the Eagle shines the Rainbow, always a symbol of magic and promise for me. It is the bright, silent and present witness to the connection between Air and Earth. The connection that brings support and strength from above and below to balance and sustain my being.

What brings you Strength? What do you see in the Ace of Stones? Are there other systems you use to remind you of your connections with Spirit? with Nature? with Life? How do you share those connections with others?

Ruach

As I was getting dressed this morning, I discovered a deck of cards on the floor, the Jewish Mysticism Knowledge Cards. Having no idea how they got there, I picked up the deck and pulled it out of the box. I shuffled the deck with a specific question (or two related questions) in mind: What strength do I need for today? What would help me through the day?

The card I picked was Ruach. I already knew that the meaning of Ruach was breath, wind, spirit.... multiple meanings referring to the animating force.

From the back of the card:
"The second of the three primary levels of soul is ruach, which can meabn soul, spirit, anima, wind, breeze, air, breath, odor, thought, mind, ghost, devil. .... God's ruach - His spirit or breath - hovers over the face of the deep in the first chapter of Genesis. .... Ruach-ha-kodesh is the divine spirit, the spirit of prophecy."

It's so very true that today I feel the need for the animating breath of God. I chuckled when the card showed up in my hand. I felt that tickle of recognition as the card slipped out of the deck. In meditation I find myself listening for the breath of God, Ruach, softly playing past my ear. Ruach comes to remind me to pause and to listen and to reflect.