When I Grow Old

My life has been blessed by a series of events ~ or perhaps more truly, a splattering of events ~ that have led me to ponder life as a Crone.
Here is my story:

I have met myself as an old woman,
an impossibly old woman,
living inside
an impossibly old, hollowed out tree....
in another lifetime.
She is/I am
strong,
healing,
determined.
A shape-shifter.
A spirit walker.
A seer, in every sense of the word.
I feel her within me.
I feel me within her.
I am afraid.
I am fearless.
I know nothing.
I apprehend all of life.
I hear the voices of the stars.
I dance to the music of the spheres.

I feel that old woman within me.... ever since she first showed up, in a journey, in a dream, in a conversation, more than 3 years ago. She shows herself when I need to see her. Whether I want to see her, to hear her does not matter. She stares me down, daring me to ignore her ~ or try to ignore her. Her laugh is full and dry, a sandpaper drum.

How often  are we presented with the opportunity to confront our future? to face down our own fear of aging and of death? to befriend who and what we will become?

Possibilities abound. What qualities will grow? Wisdom? Silence? Vision? Voice? What will diminish? Need to be seen? Soft skin? Desire for admiration? Fear? A new adventure approaches, quietly, noisily, expectantly, surprisingly ~~ so many moments approaching and flowing around me.

What do you see in your future? How does age affect you? Do you embrace its approach? Do you reject it? Are you afraid of the changes that come with age? Have you had an opportunity to converse with and learn from your elders?

Using Your Voice

Today's Teabag Tarot: be heard

Being heard is about using your own voice to clearly express your needs, wants, desires and choices. It's about the firmness and directness of what is said. You don't have to be loud or obnoxious. You don't have to whine or chide. What you have to do to be heard is to be clear.

Of course there will always be people who will run over you with their own desires or choices. Being clear or firm with people like that may not change the outcome (like that co-worker who always follows you to lunch even when you say you want to be alone or you're meeting som). What it does, though, is remove the self-shaming, the self-blame ("Maybe I should have...."). If you''re clear about what you want, need or choose, then it's easier to accept that the response is not your fault.

Being heard is not about blaming others either. It's about personal boundaries and personal voice. It's not about giving you permission to be mean to the co-worker who follows or accompanies you to lunch without your permission. It's about giving you permission to continue to do what you need to do for yourself, to be clear that you are providing boundaries, even if they are being crossed. Eventually, even the most persistent pest understands being ignored and redirected because you are clear.

Being heard is also about speaking up for yourself. If there's a task you would like to do, ask if you could be in charge of that item. Or if there's a task you really don't feel comfortable doing, clearly state that you don't feel comfortable with it. That doesn't mean things will always go your way, but you know you're doing your best by yourself and others when you use your voice.

There are many opportunities each day for me to be heard. I can speak up on my job. I can tell my partner my meal preference. I can express without malice that a sales sign is misleading or misplaced.

How do you use your voice to be heard? How do you feel about speaking strongly for yourself? What next step would you like to take to improve your chances of being heard?

You Matter

When this image crossed my Facebook page, every facet of my being focused on it. Entirely. I realized these few statements expressed the current of my way in the world. The flow of who I am.

The formatting of this image doesn't highlight the words calling my heart: Purpose, Story, Dreams, Voice, Impact. When I give VOICE to the PURPOSE arising in and from my DREAMS, it IMPACTS the STORY. How would you use those words to express what is important to you? Would you use others either instead of or along with those that jumped out at me? How would it sound?

I believe in listening to every voice I can hear in the world: people, animals, the wind, the rain, thunder, traffic, etc. Sound is significant. Only in that listening way can I hear the purpose of the owners of those voices, the ones who often want so desperately to be heard. The content of what is said gives rise to the dreams and stories which continually impact each other's dreams and stories so that our interdependence shows and flows.
What do you dream?