Monday, September 7, 2015

Faith in Myself

Usually I have a pleasantly upbeat attitude. Lately, though, I find myself rocking wildly between upbeat and beaten up. This emotional roller coaster takes its toll on me when this happens.

Sometimes, maintaining equilibrium in the midst of everything life tosses my way is not as simple as at other times. This happens to be one of those more challenging times.

I have several decisions to make ~ important decisions, life-changing decisions, radical truth decisions. Every hillock and valley the roller coaster careens over and through leaves its tracks. If these decisions, or any one of these decisions, was not present in my life, maybe the sense of vertigo would abate. Not gonna happen. Because every one of these decisions is here, demanding attention now.

This morning, when making my cuppa, I was struck with joy at seeing this Teabag Tarot attached to my teabag. The first part of the koan, wisdom in your actions, felt a bit flimsy. I am not secure in the wisdom of my actions. I move forward, as openly and honestly as I can without leaving myself vulnerable to attack as I maneuver through the daily minefields. Am I wise? Well, as wise as I can be under the circumstances.

It was the second phrasing that twanged the chord in my heart: faith in your merits. I have been feeling wobbly and anxious, challenged and singled out, with a notable lack of faith in myself. This little piece of paper gave me pause to re-evaluate my personal truth: I am lovable, capable and worthy. What I think, feel, do and say matters. I am a positive influence on others. Funny how reading those four simple words on a tag attached to a teabag can boost my spirit and carry me through my day.

Do you believe in your merits? What are they? Can you list at least three? How do you feel when you do list them? Say them out loud. Do you feel different? List them somewhere where you can see them throughout the day. Look at them when anyone, including yourself, attempts to belittle or diminish you.

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