Created by Our Past

When we are in the midst of growing up, everything around us helps build us into the person we will eventually become. Some things are simply part of our nature: introvert or extrovert, tall or short, spontaneous or ponderous, etc. Either by genetics or some other natural event, these characteristics are within us from birth.

Then there are those events that happen to, with and around us that shape us as well: critical significant adults, abuse, illness, socio-economic status, etc. These are different sorts of variables in our lives. Yet they shape us as surely as our genetics do.

Yesterday, I had a conversation regarding someone with whom I've worked fairly closely for a number of years. Whenever this person feels pressure, someone else also feels it ~ and I've been one of those someones. As I'm leaving the situation where all of this has occurred, our conversation revolved around two of the latest encounters as well as who may be their next someone or target.

I realized as we chatted was that, although I've felt hurt and even angry after the encounters, my long-term residual awareness was of their woundedness. Something in the past left an ugly, painful mark. The pains from my own past were also reflected in our encounters. I allowed the hurt and anger to rise. I talked about the encounters to others in order to feel better about myself. I played out the poor me role to whatever extent my hurt feelings projected it. I acknowledge we are both playing out roles created somewhere in our past. I am interested in growing beyond the need to play those roles, in letting go of the elements in my past that created them. We'll see if I can do that before I leave.

What wounds from your past create upsets in your present? How can you let go of them? or heal them? What purpose do these upsets serve in your life? What can replace them?

Tattoo Heritage

What is my heritage? How many different peoples populate my genetics? Where were/are they from? What have they passed on to me?

From my parents and grandparents, my sole inheritance is Polish. In some very ways, that leaves open the possibility ~ more likely, the probability ~ that I have a variety of genetics. Poland's history is a country often overrun by outsiders. If recent history is any tell, that means the men being killed and the women being raped and left pregnant with mixed blood children.

My father was dark ~ black hair, olive skin, brown eyes. My mother, fair ~ a 'carrot-top' child, chestnut-haired adult, medium-toned skin, blue eyes.  How did two such varied types come from the same small land? It was explained as 'the hill people' and 'the valley people' ~ presumably those from the open valley being more subject to raids and intermarriage. Were those my mother's people?

So why the interest in women with tattooed faces? Because I feel drawn to these women. I always have. It's as though something within me searches for the tribe or tribes from which I've come.

The woman above is Armenian. The image is from the Genocide Museum. Her coloring and features ~ straight nose, wide eyes, dark brows ~ are so close to my father's. Could I have come from her lineage?

Then there's the Kurdish woman. Blue-eyed, fairer-skinned. Is her lineage akin to mine? Her eyes are deeper set, but that dimple on her left cheek looks like the one I inherited from my mother.

What about your heritage? Is there some cultural element ~ a tattoo, hair style, movement ~ that attracts you without your knowing why? How much does it matter where we come from? What tribe do you claim and belong to now?