Conscious Forgiveness

Today's Teabag Tarot shows up as Uranus the Change-Maker begins its transit in Taurus. Change ~ whether desired, expected or sudden ~ produces its own level of stress and anxiety. As we experience our own variety of change, interacting with others in the midst of theirs can be complex. Feelings are often on edge during these passages and are more easily hurt.

As we progress into the various stages of shift and change, we also have the opportunity to remember that we have choice. And control. Maybe not over what happens, but certainly over how quickly, radically or rationally we react. Even if we react with undue haste or rudeness, we can choose to express our regrets afterward.

If we are the ones hit by another's hasty retort or action, we have another type of choice: whether or not to forgive. As today's Teabag Tarot so clearly points out, forgiveness is up to us. It is an individual act of conscious choosing. Forgiveness softens us. It reveals our best nature, our recognition of the other's humanity.

As we learn and lean into forgiveness, it also helps us. Think about the last time someone hurt or offended you ~ called you a name, spoke poorly of your work or appearance, stole from you, any situation that caused you pain. Our first reaction is generally hurt. Then we slip into anxiety and blame. It's part of our human nature. Think about how your body feels at these moments ~ muscles tense, heart rate increases, breathing speeds up or gets held, all signs of adrenaline and norepinephrine kicking in. There's a desire to run, hide or fight.

For several years, I worked with someone who was a bully ~ and I was one of the targets. They were good at their job and bosses ignored their bullying actions. My personal way of reacting was to hide or freeze. This person chewed me out in front of other co-workers, providers and clients. Over time, I learned to actively step into curiosity, internal questions: What made this person so angry? Who had hurt them so badly that they felt the need to hurt others? What did they gain from their bullying? I noted other stressors in their work environment at the time of each outburst: encounters not going the way they wanted them to; a meeting going sideways; support personnel being absent. All changes they couldn't control. Their bullying behaviors didn't change, but my responses did. I was less cowed, more assertive or simply quiet. My capacity to forgive, though not changing the actions of the other, changed me. Each time adrenaline and norepinephrine kicked in, I still froze, but I recovered from the effects more quickly.

As we consciously move into forgiveness, we counter these physical effects. We can breathe through what feels like an attack. This is not as easy to do as it is to say. It's a practice ~ which is why it has to be conscious. But actively practicing it helps our overall health.

How do you react to change? Do you want to fight? flee? freeze? Do you carry grudges against others who have wronged you? How do you feel each time you think of or encounter that person? What are your physical reactions to these thoughts? What are your physical reactions if/when you ask for forgiveness? How about after that?

Taurus New Moon 2018

©2018 ML Monroe

The Taurus New Moon arrives on May 15th followed by metaphysical Uranus, the original change-maker, as it slips into Taurus. Unlike Lady Moon, Uranus will be there for most of the next 8 years (with a retrograde dip into Aries).

Taurus is about embodiment, stability and values. This New Moon is a good time to ground ourselves in our values. Uranus is about breathing into and surrendering to the constancy of change in our lives. Centering our energy on the present moment plants us in peace. Taurus supports our control over our awareness of our feelings, thoughts and actions. Uranus brings change accompanied by creativity.

This dual movement of the New Moon and Uranus into Taurus opens the space for us to align creating goals with our deepest soul values. Prioritizing this as we build new foundations keeps us stable. Not doing so leaves open an opportunity for those foundations to break apart. This is where we need both to ground with the secure consistency of Taurus and to flow with the awakening change of Uranus. Though there are bound to be growing pains, we need to trust the process.

A thought-provoking research item: the last time Uranus moved into Taurus was June 1934, where it remained (with a 6-month retrograde back to Aries) until August 1941. Historically, a time of major shifts in energy. Of course, a multitude of factors were in play during that time and no two transits are ever identical because of those other factors.

In 2018, a different set of factors point to this transit shifting us closer to a full honoring of the Divine Feminine in all of creation. Even if the world seems to descend into chaos, we rest in the Stillpoint of the Divine. Activities we can do to encourage the shift include dancing, walking, hiking, exercising, gardening. Getting outdoors. Being present in our bodies. Working with each and all of our senses to relate to our environment. Staying grounded in whatever manner works best for each of us.

How do you maintain grounding and inner peace? What is your personal relationship with the Divine Feminine? How aware are you of your guiding principle? What do you do when faced with change? How does your creativity express itself in the midst of upheaval? Who can you count on to help you focus?

Aries Full Moon 2017

©2017 ML Monroe

Wow! Time is certainly moving more quickly every day. Wasn't it yesterday, I wrote about the Solar Eclipse?

Are the two events related? Short answer: of course they are. Everything that has followed the Solar Eclipse is related to it.

The Solar Eclipse brought strong, sometimes subtle, sometimes strong, changes for everyone. The Aries Full Moon brings the time to face whatever obstacles stand in the midst of our life. Then it gives us the light and power to move through and past them as needed. First, though, it requires our surrender of the obstacle that lives within.

Sometimes Aries pulls us into a confrontation mode. We want to battle everyone. What this Full Moon calls us to do is feel deeply into that confrontation to uncover what part of it is assertiveness and what is sheer aggression. We need to shed the aggression and focus on the assertive. Since this Full Moon is happening in conjunction with the Sun sign of Libra, we have the opportunity to draw from that sign to work positively on relationships ~~ not simply charge at and crash into everyone and everything.

Much of what is happening in our world reflects the Shadow. This Full Moon shines a light for us to explore new ways to consciously voice our emotions, to own our wishes, hopes and desires, and to bring honest, open communication into our relationships. It is time to fully grow into and express our true selves, to bring that part of our beingness into Light. We also are in a time where we focus on our place in the Divine Plan.

The proximity of this Full Moon to a Venus-Mars alignment adds a flavor of intensity and passion. There is opportunity and danger as well as both fate and freewill concerning those strong emotions. Though the Aries Full Moon is generally impulsive about moving forward without a backward glance, this one is inhibited by a sulky Pluto in Capricorn and a hesitant Mercury in Libra.

The Aries Full Moon illuminates our need and desire for balance in every aspect of our world. Watch carefully what it brings into illumination for you.

What can you do about violence? in yourself? in your world? How can you create relationships in beauty and remain true to yourself? How do you disagree with others without violating them or yourself? How do you find and maintain balance? How do you break through the learned fear of showing your true self?

Aquarius Full Moon 2017

This Aquarius Full Moon turns up the heat on the intensity of activity in astrological terms. This is the sign of our social conscience, our community self. This Full Moon is accompanied by a lunar eclipse only two weeks before the solar eclipse occurring at the coming New Moon. We are riding the lunar waves of change and challenge for our future.

Eclipses often bring change and shift in our lives. This can show up like the symbolic turning of a page, or beginning of a new chapter. We have all been experiencing this influence to greater or lesser degrees for days or even weeks prior to the eclipse. What we experience sets the tone for the next several months of our lives. Paying attention to how our entire system feels makes the most sense right now.

We also have the opportunity to open our hearts and trust the seismic movement that shakes us is uprooting the stuckness we have gotten ourselves into. This is a time to be gentle with ourselves and with others, to cultivate with care our close relationships.

There are deeper questions surfacing ~ about relationships to others and to our work. We are being called to be proactive rather than reactionary, to step into and use our power rather than to sit back and watch what others do before acting. With each of these callings, we are asked to respond with care, thoughtfulness and compassion.

Although eclipses are seen as times of darkness, they bring everything into sharpness and clarity no matter the emotions that clarity elicits. We experience the shadows differently. What we see in the dark presents us with a new sense of who we are, where we are and what we are here to do. The dark moment passes quickly enough, yet it leaves a lasting impression on our minds and psyches.

We are in a unique time to attend to our inner world and pull the outer world into alignment with the greater story we desire to bring into the Light. It's not often the heavenly bodies align to provide such strong motivation to unfold our own myths and to watch them form the connections we need.

One more awareness is that Mercury is on its way to retrograde (start: August 12th at 11° Virgo; end: September 5th at 28° Leo). My sense of Mercury retrograde is that it is the perfect time for information gathering, reflection, research and deep breaths. Many really deep breaths. Don't make major decisions. Or quick changes. Or spendy purchases. Breathe. Continue to do your behind-the-scenes work. Mercury retrograde is often blamed when we move too quickly to a new position on something. It's only the conduit of the energetic to pause, rest, reflect. Another moment or two ~ or week or two ~ of decision-making generally won't hurt the outcome. And if quick decisions are necessary, be sure to do whatever research possible and move forward.

Mercury retrograde will continue through the solar eclipse. More on that later. Just sayin'.

What relationship changes are necessary in your life? friends? colleagues? networks? other groups? What are these relationships teaching you? Have you learned your lessons? Are you caught in a collective space? Are you speaking your unique truth? What is ready to expand and move in your life? and in your relationships? What patterns of interaction no longer serve you? How can you change them?

Scorpio Full Moon 2017

©2017 ML Monroe​

This explains everything. Scorpio, the fluid sign of depth, setting its edginess over the May Full Moon. As the saying goes, the energy feels like we're tumbling down the rabbit hole. Remembering, as with Alice, we have the sense that we're taking a long time to land.

Scorpio is about transformation, about reaching higher and deeper into personal consciousness. It carries the potential for attaining the heights of Divine consciousness as well as diving into the deepest levels.

No matter who you are, the impact of this Full Moon will last a long time as it gradually opens you to seeing and experiencing things in a new light.

Use this pivotal point in the year to embrace change and transformative shifts​ for personal forward movement. Days later, as this Full Moon energy fades, understanding will increase.

We often forget about out own inner strength and power which provides us with everything we need to step up and take responsibility over our lives. When we ignore or give away our power, we find ourselves sinking into whatever difficulties come our way. When we remember the vast wisdom and potential that resides within us, we can navigate and rise above the troubles. This Scorpio Full Moon is the perfect time to recall and time into that inner energy. We only need trust and engage the magic coming from the cosmos and send our wishes into the ethers at this auspicious moment.

Like the light of the moon coming through the branches of the tree, this Scorpio Full Moon shines light in through the darkness. It brings a new, deepened focus to all that needs to be transformed on our path and in our world.

What needs to be transformed in your life? What is bubbling forth into the light? How are you tumbling down the rabbit hole? How are you feeling about it? What new potential is revealing itself in your life?

Aquarius New Moon 2017

The Aquarius New Moon occurred at 00:07 UT on Saturday, January 28th. For much of the Western Hemisphere, it will be occurring some time Friday, January 27th.

2016 was a year of endings and 2017 is a year of beginnings. Death and Rebirth cycling through our lives in many ways between the two years. The Rebirth cycle will begin in earnest at the Spring Equinox. So the next month and a half, beginning with this New Moon, will be a time of planning and preparation.

The energy of Aquarius is fresh and expansive. Think big ~ or bigger ~ and think outside the box. So with this Aquarius New Moon find a way to let go, begin afresh expand your outlook.

Aquarius also carries revolutionary energy which is flowing in the Death and Rebirth pattern. More change to come ~ and many people stepping into the control of their individual lives are involved in that change. As we venture into the light of the moon's return, more light will be shed on all that is happening and needing to be changed for the benefit of the global community.

Another factor at play on January 28th is the action planet Mars coming to its home sign of Aries, the first sign in the zodiac. This reinforces new, passionate, independent initiatives. These two together, the Aquarius New Moon and Mars returning to Aries, support moving forward and taking responsibility for that move.

In the midst of all this independent, rebellious, passionate energy, the U.S. is experiencing waves of passionate, rebellious responses to government actions. Those actions, in turn, are a type of rebellious attempt to end and change things in the country. It seems that the Death-Rebirth energies are playing themselves out on every level.

What is ending in your life? What is beginning? What do you feel passionate about? How are you allowing those passions to show themselves? What effect are the endings having on your life? What effect are the beginnings having on your life? What are you doing to take responsibility for the beginnings or rebirths in your life?

Fear and Attraction

When we look at beginning a journey ~ classes, a new season, travel ~ it's always an adventure. There's an edge to it because its outcome is unknown. Sometimes even its direction doesn't turn out as our original plan described it.

If you consider your life, even the recent past, you'll find a beginning that is, or quickly becomes, uncertain. Maybe a visit to meet a friend where one of your arrivals is delayed. Perhaps a class you planned to take from one instructor, but another shows up instead. Beginning an exciting new job in a new town or part of the state where other team members are unknown. Or going on an outdoor adventure with an unknown guide.

No matter how prepared we believe we are for each of these new journeys, these beginnings, these adventures, there is always the possibility of change and challenge. This is the numinous place. The point where we are fearful, apprehensive, perhaps even terrified. The point where we are also intrigued, attracted, perhaps even exhilarated. Things aren't going precisely as planned, or maybe they are, but not as we thought they would. Yet we are caught up in the beauty and wonder of how it all continues to work together.

If we're truly lucky in our lives, these moments will happen repeatedly ~ at irregular intervals so we don't, or can't, get complacent. They are often the moments that define who we are, the moments that change us.

One of those moments happened for me when my brother drove us up Mt. Evans in Colorado this summer. I had suggested the trip ~ instead of the more traveled Pike's Peak. Although both are part of Colorado's Fourteens (mountains over 14,000 feet), Mt. Evans is a bit higher. The drive was a paved switchback that began its ascent through beautiful forests. By 12,000 feet, we were above the timberline. With no railings or guards, it looked as though we could fly off the road at every turn. Terrifying, yet exhilarating. Then, after walking around on the top, we had to reverse the course downhill.

Was this physically challenging for me? No. Was it part of our plan? Yes. However, if we had thought about and discussed the fearful parts prior to our ascent, we may have decided not to make the trip. We would have missed that remarkable numinous moment of being both afraid and attracted. Personally, I would not trade that moment for the world.

When did you experience a numinous moment? Did it fall into your plans? or was it outside of them? Who were you with? Did you share the fear and attraction? or did one of you feel it and the other/s not? Did you talk about it? Would you repeat that kind of moment again?

Play a Role

When I first read The Alchemist, it absorbed me like no other book I was reading at the time. I poured over it relishing the phrasing, visualizing the setting, wondering where he came up with these ideas.

As we move through life, it's simpler to say we're powerless. Someone else made or makes the decisions. We only influence a small corner of our world.

Think about this. Especially in today's world with the capacity for instantaneous connections. I was responding to something a friend posted on Facebook recently. As is often the case, others had also responded. In the visible list was another friend's name. Someone I had no idea knew the person. So were were doubly connected in that instant.

Have you ever experienced someone telling you how some seemingly small act of your kindness had greatly affected them? It may not even have been directed toward them, may even have been something they heard about from someone else. Or a comment that was overheard. We make impressions on people we know ~ and people we do not know.

That puts Paulo Coelho's statement about "...every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world" into the perspective of today's world. We aren't simply what we say or do, we are what and how we are seen, heard and remembered.

A number of years ago, a friend and I were discussing death. I commented that I stay in the background so much that I doubted anyone outside my family and a couple of close friends would notice my passing. Her jaw dropped. She put her hand on my shoulder and said, My friend, you have no idea how many people you have touched in the time we've known each other. It was my turn to be stunned. Was my comment false humility? I don't think so. I really didn't see what she saw. However, I accepted what she said at face value ~ and that brief comment and touch rocked my view of myself in the world.

Coelho says that's true for all of us. We each help to create the history of the world in which we live. Together we are more powerful than we know. It's time to step up and accept our role.

Who has influenced your world? Who's world do you influence? How powerful do you feel? What do you think is your greatest strength? How does it help strengthen the world? What would change in your life if you believed Coelho's words?

Be the Lighthouse

My latest Teabag Tarot took me by pleasant surprise today. By nature, I am clearly a dualist.... half light, half dark. I swing from one to the other and every stage and step in between.

When people tell me to change my beliefs, emotions or actions in some way, my first reaction is to dig in and refuse. I want to acknowledge what is currently true for me before stepping into the change space. Change is also part of my nature ~ early on in my life my mother called me Windy because my moods changed like or with the wind. I want to own the change myself. And I do. I swing back and forth ~ and I do it to my own tempo.

That made today's Teabag Tarot especially pertinent. It felt quixotic.... and it felt grounding. All at the same time. I look at what is most important to me, what feeds my soul, what rises out of the dark depths of my being. What I find in those depths is that gentle spreading of the light at dawn ~ or at the rise of the full moon. I love bathing in the often surprisingly soothing light of the full moon. Everything in me gets lighter. No matter what the situation around me, I find myself smiling, wanting to dance or prance in that light.

First, the light has to spread inside me ~ to fill my dark corners and brighten my senses. Then, I can stretch out and be the lighthouse. The light inside me beams out toward others. I know they see and feel it. It is reflected in them, in their responses to me. It's not particularly MY light or a glaringly bright light. It's gentle, accepting of where they are, helping to carry them on to the next place or moment or day.

Being a lighthouse means essentially two things: the light comes from within and it shines through the fog, the dark and the storm. There's no need for a lighthouse in the glaring noonday light or when everything is going our way. It's more important now than ever: when we are all in the midst of turmoil, darkness and change. I'll do what I can.

What are you doing to encourage the light within you? How are you being a lighthouse? Are you in need of a lighthouse? Where do you look to find that light? Who in your life spreads that light and encouragement? Are there moments when you can find the light within? and moments when you can't?

Becoming? or Unbecoming?

There are times and days when the place where I want to be in my journey seems a long ways off.... at the very least, in a neighboring solar system if not even in another universe. It feels out of reach ~ unattainable.

When this quote popped up, I realized the disconnected, dissonant feeling surrounding disparate pieces of who and what I already am. Those segments of me seem almost stuck in a position ~ like a standard transmission without a clutch ~ grinding and hiccuping as I attempt a shift.

How do I determine what is truly ME? Some pieces are tied to words and definitions that keep me stuck: friend, sister, mother, teacher, writer, celebrant..... the definitions in particular alter uneasily and slowly.

Even the term stuck doesn't quite fit ~~~ like being stranded midstream with words whose definitions feel tight or sloppy or cumbersome. Like chili made with a smidge too much or too little spice: tasty yet slightly off.

What I love is the thought of being in the process of unbecoming..... shifting how I think about myself and my world.... allowing the flow of creativity to carry me onward. My only cringe is when I consider that who I've been is not who I was meant to be. I don't believe that. I've been what I was meant to be all along.... it's currently time for a change.

Are you still becoming? or perhaps even unbecoming? unwinding the threads of you that have come loose? How do you see yourself? What words describe you? Which words are you redefining? Which are you discovering anew? Which are you stepping into?

September Next Steps

Mythical Goddess Tarot ~ Holloway & Skaggs

From the Guide:

The Maiden of Fire is the wild woman who burns through the status quo with her heart of fire. She releases the binds to the old and transmutes the mundane outmoded form into the New Earth. She is unattached to the past, bringing innovation and cutting edge perspective.
This revolutionary Goddess of fire is here to assist you in the fiery release of all that shackles you to the past and outmoded form. You are ready for her pure flame to ignite your passion to ascend in frequency that you may change, heal and express your untamed essence. She brings the revolutionary power of change to you, inviting you to step into your true radiance and shine the light for others!

This week, we experienced a New Moon Solar Eclipse in Virgo. Whew! Lots of energy opening up there. Lots of opening up energy too ~ patterns that have served us for the past six months slipping out the gateway; new patterns settling in for the next six months. As the saying goes: Be careful what you wish for...... This is a time for setting those wishes in motion. A time to rework and reorganize our belief and value systems. A time to reweave, reconnect and restructure our connection to the web of life around us.

As I focused on the Tarot cards today, I simply asked for the energy that I would need to move forward from here. The Maiden of Fire ~ Revolution Herself ~ showed up. Reading the information from the Guide, I recognized that She is the Next Step for me ~~ precisely what I need to move forward after the New Moon Solar Eclipse. Someone Who will help me release the chains and dedications of the past, stand fully in the present moment, and move cleanly into the future. I want to focus my energy in each place in turn ~ until the form of what I'm calling forth reveals itself.

How is the New Moon Solar Eclipse touching your life? What are you letting go? What are you seeding? What do you want to see more of in your life? Who is showing up to help you? How will you define your next step? Where are you focusing your energy?

New Moon in Gemini and Grand Cross

New Moons are always about letting go, change and transformation. This one in particular, intimately connected with the mutable Grand Cross, is about changing direction, changing perception, changing affection.... releasing anything, any little thing, inhibiting our deeper, truer Selves from showing up.

This New Moon, as it squares Jupiter, Neptune and the Nodes and opposes Saturn, lights our way to discerning the truth in our life and making decisions to release the past so the new can show up for us. We must relish our own self-love in order to express our love for others in the best possible way. We have to learn and experience and practice how to do things differently, to create new pathways in our very being leading toward that creation and creativity. We benefit from remembering our power is in embracing Mystery and Unknowing in order to shift our reality and create change by unlocking the alchemy of surrender. This New Moon also celebrates the facets of the Divine Feminine: instincts of the Moon, physicality of Venus, resistance of Lilith.

Because this New Moon is also activating many planetary energies, there is potent and potential energy in this New Moon, preparing us to consider the seeds we want to plant for the future. This is something we should take seriously ~ or find ourselves stuck in the patterns of the past. All the recent retrograde energy we've been rolling through (see my post on the Full Moon in Sagittarius and Other Wonders) has aided us in stirring up the past in order to release it. Gemini is all about communication and the throat chakra to express our truth and feelings and call forth what we truly want.

As we look for what has been cleared and released from our lives during all the retrograde cycles, the golden opportunity of this New Moon is to notice the cracks and seek clarity on how to proceed. Our actions and energies, current to the next eclipse season starting in September. will shape what is to come. As we clarify and set our intentions, in writing preferably, it would be wise for us to remember that when one door closes, another opens.

What are your intentions for the future? What are you willing to release? What do you wish to call forth? What do you wish to manifest? How will you speak your wishes? How will your intentions affect those around you? To whom will you speak your intentions?

Created by Our Past

When we are in the midst of growing up, everything around us helps build us into the person we will eventually become. Some things are simply part of our nature: introvert or extrovert, tall or short, spontaneous or ponderous, etc. Either by genetics or some other natural event, these characteristics are within us from birth.

Then there are those events that happen to, with and around us that shape us as well: critical significant adults, abuse, illness, socio-economic status, etc. These are different sorts of variables in our lives. Yet they shape us as surely as our genetics do.

Yesterday, I had a conversation regarding someone with whom I've worked fairly closely for a number of years. Whenever this person feels pressure, someone else also feels it ~ and I've been one of those someones. As I'm leaving the situation where all of this has occurred, our conversation revolved around two of the latest encounters as well as who may be their next someone or target.

I realized as we chatted was that, although I've felt hurt and even angry after the encounters, my long-term residual awareness was of their woundedness. Something in the past left an ugly, painful mark. The pains from my own past were also reflected in our encounters. I allowed the hurt and anger to rise. I talked about the encounters to others in order to feel better about myself. I played out the poor me role to whatever extent my hurt feelings projected it. I acknowledge we are both playing out roles created somewhere in our past. I am interested in growing beyond the need to play those roles, in letting go of the elements in my past that created them. We'll see if I can do that before I leave.

What wounds from your past create upsets in your present? How can you let go of them? or heal them? What purpose do these upsets serve in your life? What can replace them?

Life and Courage

Great gratitude to the tea companies that provide me with Teabag Tarot! This one arrived attached to a my tea yesterday. It resonated deeply with me.

Despite the words, I do not believe this is truly saying life itself doesn't matter. It's the details of life, the day-to-day stuff that happens, that is less important. In the long run, it won't matter if your work colleague took credit for your idea or if your lawn was mowed every weekend or if you had the highest gpa in seventh grade. What makes a difference is what you bring to the adversity you face. How did you respond when someone put you down? What did you do when the doctor gave you a worrisome diagnosis? How did you face the rapids when you were whitewater rafting?

Courage is a force within each of us. It shows up in different ways. Sometimes it's the moments when we break down, weep and wail over what's been lost, and continue on. Or the times when we find we need to turn our backs on a painful situation and move on. Or the times when we step in to fully embrace a new situation. Courage comes into our lives in times of change, whether radical or subtle, desired or resisted, adventurous or mundane. It does not reveal itself the same way in each person or in each situation.

We value strong shows of courage ~ and the people who exhibit them. We often don't recognize the less flashy kind. The mother whose child is born with a disability, whose courage is a daily movement and coupled with love. The youth whose dream is to be an artist and continues his art, no matter what. The surgeon who leaves her practice when she realizes her hands are no longer as steady as they once were. These are courageous moments too. They are the day-to-day decisions we make about how we will go on. Courage comes from a deep place within us, a wellspring we often don't know we have until we need it.

In what situation has courage arisen in your life? How do you recognize it in others? What kind of practice might cultivate courage for you?

Changing Your Story

Colette Baron-Reid, Wisdom of the Oracle

Self-criticism; the wounded ego; unnecessary dramas

Guidance

The Oracle's message: There is a story woven through the imperfect fabric of life that tells of hurt and loss, rejection and humiliation, self-loathing and arrogance, and all manner of suffering born of unnecessary dramas. It is the old story whose refrain is that you cannot do this, must not go there, should not say that - lest your world come crumbling down. .... Distorted guidance is preventing you from being true to yourself. You are not your story, and the narrator is simply the voice of your fearful part, small and vulnerable and easily soothed.
Relationship message: ...Right now you have an opportunity for important healing, but you must reflect on the stories you weave.... Not only do you need to begin a new story; you need to forgive yourself for telling yourself the old ones.


What are the stories we tell ourselves? How long do we choose to hold on to them? What good do they do?

Anyone over the age of two tells stories. Once language begins forming in us, so does storytelling. It's part of our nature, part of our connection to others. We determine how we fit into our communities through our place in the stories.

So when we begin to tell our personal stories, we place ourselves in relationship to the rest of our world. Stories are words, and words carry power. The old playground adage of sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me is a falsehood. Words hurt us far more than any physical wound. This is true for the stories we tell ourselves as well.

I'm in the process of rewriting one of my personal stories. The details aren't important, but the feeling they created is. It was one of those "poor me" stories. You know the ones: I'm so left out or I've been hurt so much or I'm so misunderstood. The themes are constant and recurring even as the characters change. Even though I cannot change the past, again with the details, I can change how much energy I put into it. That energy drains me ~ and I wind up having less of it for the more positive stories in my life.

The difference for me at the moment, as I work on making the changes, is that I am in relationship with some of the characters in one of the tales. Currently, we are in dialogue about those past moments ~ and working cooperatively to face and make the changes, to own what was our personal reactions as opposed to what was true (not a good word choice in stories) or perhaps what was happening inside the mind and heart of the other. It's a blessing to have this opportunity.

That said, even without those moments of connection with the other, it's about learning how to forgive. Forgive the other. Forgive the gods. Forgive myself. Because holding onto the negative energy of those stories can be a killer in the end.

What stories have you told yourself? Have you changed any of them? How have you done that? How does the energy of those stories effect you? What can you do to begin the process of change? How can you learn forgiveness?

Held by Courage

"I am the Shaman of Courage. Whenever and wherever you need me, I will be there to help you discover the resources that lie within you ~ resources you may not know you possess. I am there to support you in times of need, when challenges become overwhelming, when strength is required to make even an inch of progress along the way. I journey into fear and at its heart find courage to overwhelm it. This courage I impart to you, and will guide and protect you if ever you are in danger."

When I drew this card, I chuckled. Prior to drawing a card, I picked up the deck and found this same card turned over on top signifying that it was the last card I had drawn. Shuffling the deck, my focus was to draw a quality that would serve me in the coming week. I cut the deck and turned over a card ~~ the same card that had been on top when I began shuffling. Amazing how those qualities find their way into view.

The past several days have drawn me into the circle of the Shaman of Courage. As my status continues its trajectory of shift and change, it is valuable to find the resources within myself, to be reminded that those resources are present and available. Some level of fear is generally present when dealing with change. Whatever is surfacing is unknown territory.

Stepping forward is heading into the Darkness and the Mystery. It insists that I operate with trust ~ which was once one of my greatest strengths. In my forward motion, I am reclaiming that trusting part of myself. The part that knows things are bound to get better. As I step forward hand-in-hand with the Shaman of Courage, I see my wholeness and know that it is more than the sum of its parts. It is the depth out of which I continue to move.

What is shifting and changing in your life? How is your status different now from what it was in the past? How do you feel stepping into the unknown? Have you let go enough to step fully into that Darkness? What do you want from the Shaman of Courage?

Tender Collapse

The recent sunshine and warmth juxtaposes with and accents the process of grief and letting go. It is not simply the passing of winter or the season of Easter, it is the encounter with death and loss that continues through it all.

Spring is about re-birth and new growth, life reasserting itself after winter's passing. Although that sounds wonderful, it is also a time of great challenge and change.

Have you watched a plant breaking through the ground? It creates a chasm all on its own. Under the surface, it's broken through the covering of the seed or bulb. Then it pushes its way through the dirt separating it from the air and sunshine. As it splits the surface, it creates a miniature mound of earth as well as the breach through which it will poke its strong yet fragile head.

We are like that when we grieve. We push toward the Light, toward the Breath. Each movement is natural yet a phenomenal struggle. We continue to act as though everything is normal and ordinary. Within us moves the same struggle, unseen, edging forward, up and out. Occasionally, in order to break through into the light, into healing, we feel the seism along the fault line within us. We have no control over it. Eventually, something small, quiet, dark bursts forth through the surface and we wail with its appearance.

When we are most fortunate, most blessed, love also appears ~ often in the guise of family and friends ~ and witnesses our tender collapse without attempting to pat the dirt back into place or dig out a larger hole. Simply witnessing. Then when we feel more whole, or not, perhaps we will be able to stand in witness of the unique tender collapse of another.

What is breaking through in you? What grief are you holding? releasing? How are you standing in witness to others' break-throughs? What else is growing in your life this Spring?

Abracadabra Creativity

As I was growing up, 'abracadabra' was an often used word whenever a change was being called forth. It was a magical phrase. We used it to help find lost toys, to reveal favorite treats, to make the TV station work.

When I was a young teen, it was uttered when an emotional response needed shifting. It was easier, more palpable, to hear abracadabra when I was on the verge of exploding or bursting into tears or laughing hysterically than it was to hear any other redirection or correction. It became our catch-word for change.

Coming from that background, it was startling to discover that it truly is a word of creation. We used it to create a new direction, a shift in the journey we were on, in the direction in which we were headed. It was great to be able to make those minimal shifts ~ which eventually led to more significant change because each incremental alteration of emotional response kept the family dynamics running smoothly.

Now that much more time has passed, I understand more and more about the power of words. I've learned that I can create my present and my future with the words I speak. I can change my mood by singing my favorite songs at the top of my lungs in my empty house or my moving car. Abracadabra shows up in my dreams to point out new directions for me to take or people for me to contact. My family no longer uses the magical word even though its power remains written on my heart.

How have you heard abracadabra used? How have you or people you know used it? Is there a word that shows up in your mind when you are ready for a change? Would you want one? What words have a special or magical power for you? How do you create your own journey?

Libra Full Moon Lunar Eclipse

This week gave us another significant astrological occurrence ~ a Libra Full Moon with a Lunar Eclipse. Lots of big energy moves with this one. It completes, or continues, some cycles which have been on-going for the past year. The energy will ripple out for the next several months.

This March is providing several major charges of energy: a Solar Eclipse, the Spring/Fall Equinox, a Full Moon, a Lunar Eclipse, Holi, Purim, Good Friday and Easter. Every one of those events is about change.

Lunar Eclipses bring clarity, direction and a level of completion to what has been working its way through and in our lives. This particular Lunar Eclipse is in Libra, signifying balance, compromise, harmony, cooperation, and relationships. What it brings in is the space for us to connect with our inner and outer world in order to see our path forward and if we need to change course or not. However, because it is ending a cycle, it's important to make peace with our past, no matter what it's brought into our lives.

There is much to be considered with the energy of Libra in this Full Moon and Lunar Eclipse. First, remember to hold space for both sides: light and dark, good and evil, self and others. Learn from the combined aspects of these dualities, hopefully creating Jung's creative third path. Release the need to be right; embrace the possibilities of deep communication.

Remember that the dual energy also includes time to relax and time to play. We will be better off if we are gentle with ourselves ~ accepting and forgiving our own short-comings.

Personally, I found the energy of this Full Moon and Lunar Eclipse stunning. It expanded and exploded within and outside me in the most amazing ways. The day before, I woke from a dream of explosions and found there has been a bombing at the Brussels airport. The day after, I came face-to-face with how I will dance with changes coming in my life as well as what will continue to create those changes.

How do you feel about your own power? Do you see yourself as victim? victor? creator? How do you work with any of these images of yourself? How do you approach your inner demons? do you acknowledge them? befriend them? fight them? What happens when you face the power, overt or subtle, of others in your life? Do you take time to discern your own right path?

Forgivenesses #2

I began the year considering the role of forgiveness in my life.  That consideration continues.

As I move forward through this year, I am entering a phase of significant change in my life. I will leave behind a legacy of some sort. My fear is that it will be one of failure or one attached to negative feelings. One of those left behind has been a challenge to my sense of cooperation and camaraderie, as I apparently have been to them. Where does that leave me in the journey of forgiveness?

Unlike the author of the quote, I believe forgiveness is a significant piece of our journey and not necessarily its core. When we can forgive others and ourselves, when we can ask forgiveness and be content if it comes or does not, the rest of our experiences are simpler, more focused. It is difficult, if not impossible, to love when we harbor ill will against others or against ourselves. We often gnaw on that ill will, attempting to justify it or reconcile it to the rightness of our actions. For me, the central point is forgiving ~ reaching that point when I can open my hand and no longer cling to my desire to wound. Yet, I acknowledge that there are times when being forgiven by others is impossible. We have no power to force it.

In answer to my own question in the previous paragraph: where does that leave me? It leaves me with the struggle and desire to open my hand, to let loose the reins of discontent with another, to wish them well on their journey and mean it. That will lead to my own healing in the end.

Where are you in your journey of forgiveness? Is there someone against whom you harbor ill will? Why? Where in your body does that feeling live? Can you begin to open your hand? or your heart? or wherever you feel the tightness? If you can, and do, how does that feel?