Seven of Pentacles

Rider-Waite-Smith

Ever have one of those days when you wake up feeling both wonderful and stressed? Life's good ~ great even ~ yet there are momentary set-backs or thoughts or feelings whisking one away to the dark side. To offset these fluctuating emotions seemingly so at odds with each other, I renewed my practice of drawing an oracle card.

Today's card is the Seven of Pentacles. A very fitting draw. The Seven of Pentacles is about pausing for a moment and taking stock of where one is ~ in the world, financially, at work, in society in general. And it's a good place to be. In the Rider-Waite-Smith image, the pentacles/coins are flowering on a plant. They are still in the growth phase, recognizable as the fruit and looking good...yet not quite ready for the harvest. The farmer looks at them, checking out where they are in their growth. This is a card of patience for a coming reward.

Shapeshifter Tarot

In the Shapeshifter Tarot, the Seven of Pentacles is titled Growth. There is a sense of forward motion as well as a blossoming of flowers and fruit. The horses on this card have a feel of movement. The woman and horse in the center look forward to.....something just over the horizon. Again, there is is a sense of waiting, of watchfulness, of wariness. Amidst all the light and beauty this is a time to pause, a time for reflecting on the possibilities of what is coming next.

When I see the beauty and abundance around me, my first tendency is to jump into it, to run over to the nearest fig tree, grab the fruit and take a bite. My impatience has more than once led me to spit out the bitter, not-quite-ripe fruit. I have caught myself anxious for something ~ from a meal to a blog post to bright sunshine or a snowfall ~ wanting what is not quite done, incomplete to express itself fully. The challenge remains to continue to wait for the fullness of time.


What have you wanted to be ready before its time? Did you catch yourself before biting into it? How do you prepare yourself for the challenge of waiting? Do you take stock of what has led to this time and continued to wait? Or rushed forward before things are ripe?

Aquarius Full Moon 2017

This Aquarius Full Moon turns up the heat on the intensity of activity in astrological terms. This is the sign of our social conscience, our community self. This Full Moon is accompanied by a lunar eclipse only two weeks before the solar eclipse occurring at the coming New Moon. We are riding the lunar waves of change and challenge for our future.

Eclipses often bring change and shift in our lives. This can show up like the symbolic turning of a page, or beginning of a new chapter. We have all been experiencing this influence to greater or lesser degrees for days or even weeks prior to the eclipse. What we experience sets the tone for the next several months of our lives. Paying attention to how our entire system feels makes the most sense right now.

We also have the opportunity to open our hearts and trust the seismic movement that shakes us is uprooting the stuckness we have gotten ourselves into. This is a time to be gentle with ourselves and with others, to cultivate with care our close relationships.

There are deeper questions surfacing ~ about relationships to others and to our work. We are being called to be proactive rather than reactionary, to step into and use our power rather than to sit back and watch what others do before acting. With each of these callings, we are asked to respond with care, thoughtfulness and compassion.

Although eclipses are seen as times of darkness, they bring everything into sharpness and clarity no matter the emotions that clarity elicits. We experience the shadows differently. What we see in the dark presents us with a new sense of who we are, where we are and what we are here to do. The dark moment passes quickly enough, yet it leaves a lasting impression on our minds and psyches.

We are in a unique time to attend to our inner world and pull the outer world into alignment with the greater story we desire to bring into the Light. It's not often the heavenly bodies align to provide such strong motivation to unfold our own myths and to watch them form the connections we need.

One more awareness is that Mercury is on its way to retrograde (start: August 12th at 11° Virgo; end: September 5th at 28° Leo). My sense of Mercury retrograde is that it is the perfect time for information gathering, reflection, research and deep breaths. Many really deep breaths. Don't make major decisions. Or quick changes. Or spendy purchases. Breathe. Continue to do your behind-the-scenes work. Mercury retrograde is often blamed when we move too quickly to a new position on something. It's only the conduit of the energetic to pause, rest, reflect. Another moment or two ~ or week or two ~ of decision-making generally won't hurt the outcome. And if quick decisions are necessary, be sure to do whatever research possible and move forward.

Mercury retrograde will continue through the solar eclipse. More on that later. Just sayin'.

What relationship changes are necessary in your life? friends? colleagues? networks? other groups? What are these relationships teaching you? Have you learned your lessons? Are you caught in a collective space? Are you speaking your unique truth? What is ready to expand and move in your life? and in your relationships? What patterns of interaction no longer serve you? How can you change them?

I Will Be Myself

In high school ~ in a previous iteration of myself ~ I researched and wrote a paper on the Brontë sisters who are currently edging into popularity again, perhaps because it's more commonly known that they used masculine identities to publish their works.

My personal favorite of their books continues to be Jane Eyre. Charlotte Brontë intentionally wrote her character as a plain and rough-edged woman as well as strong-willed, forthright and devoted. One of Jane's statements is the quote on the image:

"I am not an angel," I asserted; "and I will not be one till I die: I will be myself."

That statement epitomizes what consistently endears the book and its heroine to me, wrapped particularly in those last four words: I will be myself. Born into a middle-class urban family with many privileges, the fact remained that I was a female in a decidedly androcentric world. Being as intelligent as any of the young men in my class and surrounded by young women with the same level of intelligence and potential, nevertheless, we females were not encouraged to express our full selves. The expectations were different; the focus askew, never quite the same.

Now, decades later, as I stride forth into retirement, I am again confronted by that sentiment: I will be myself. How has that expressed itself through me over the years?

• Opposing the attempted anonymity of my neighbors when their prejudices frothed ugly when my not-like-them friend showed up on my doorstep.
• Standing beside an ostracized newlywed couple whose husband chose to leave the priesthood for love of his bride.
• Attending the NGO Forum before the 4th World Conference on Women.
• Participating in the extraordinary ordinations of women to the priesthood.
• Honoring the individuality and capacity for self-determination of every person.
• Marching in the Women's March the day after the inauguration.

Looking around me as I type this at my local coffee shop, I sense the diversity of my connections within my community. Over time, I grow more and more cognizant of the occasions when I allowed others to define me, when I remained silent for fear of being caught out, when I kept my support, vision and voice subdued. I have awakened to the strength of my desire and determination to live into the words of Charlotte Brontë in the voice of Jane Eyre: I will be myself.

How has your presentation of yourself in the world changed over your life? What interferes with you being yourself? Where are you most challenged to fit in? How diverse are your connections? Where are you most comfortable in being yourself? Where are you least comfortable?

Fear and Attraction

When we look at beginning a journey ~ classes, a new season, travel ~ it's always an adventure. There's an edge to it because its outcome is unknown. Sometimes even its direction doesn't turn out as our original plan described it.

If you consider your life, even the recent past, you'll find a beginning that is, or quickly becomes, uncertain. Maybe a visit to meet a friend where one of your arrivals is delayed. Perhaps a class you planned to take from one instructor, but another shows up instead. Beginning an exciting new job in a new town or part of the state where other team members are unknown. Or going on an outdoor adventure with an unknown guide.

No matter how prepared we believe we are for each of these new journeys, these beginnings, these adventures, there is always the possibility of change and challenge. This is the numinous place. The point where we are fearful, apprehensive, perhaps even terrified. The point where we are also intrigued, attracted, perhaps even exhilarated. Things aren't going precisely as planned, or maybe they are, but not as we thought they would. Yet we are caught up in the beauty and wonder of how it all continues to work together.

If we're truly lucky in our lives, these moments will happen repeatedly ~ at irregular intervals so we don't, or can't, get complacent. They are often the moments that define who we are, the moments that change us.

One of those moments happened for me when my brother drove us up Mt. Evans in Colorado this summer. I had suggested the trip ~ instead of the more traveled Pike's Peak. Although both are part of Colorado's Fourteens (mountains over 14,000 feet), Mt. Evans is a bit higher. The drive was a paved switchback that began its ascent through beautiful forests. By 12,000 feet, we were above the timberline. With no railings or guards, it looked as though we could fly off the road at every turn. Terrifying, yet exhilarating. Then, after walking around on the top, we had to reverse the course downhill.

Was this physically challenging for me? No. Was it part of our plan? Yes. However, if we had thought about and discussed the fearful parts prior to our ascent, we may have decided not to make the trip. We would have missed that remarkable numinous moment of being both afraid and attracted. Personally, I would not trade that moment for the world.

When did you experience a numinous moment? Did it fall into your plans? or was it outside of them? Who were you with? Did you share the fear and attraction? or did one of you feel it and the other/s not? Did you talk about it? Would you repeat that kind of moment again?

Changing Oneself

One of the most quoted sayings in the world of activists is, Be the change you wish to see in the world. It's a great quote by Mahatma Gandhi. How many of us come to full comprehension of his meaning? He's not saying to go out and change the world. He's saying to be a living, breathing example of the change you wish to see. In the world of activists, that often is interpreted as making a way to change the world around us.

Tolstoy gets even more basic than that. Perhaps the world itself does need changing. Generally speaking, that's an understatement and certainly a given. Many situations in the world around us could use an uplift. Many people could use some assistance. Mother Earth herself requires care. What Tolstoy says is that even though changing the world around us may be important, changing ourselves is even more vital.

I find myself looking at people and situations with a critical eye. My mind flies to comparisons, many of which are often not positive. Next, I step into judgment. I look at the person and find strengths and traits lacking. I ponder the situation and note the down sides of them. This is not intentional. I truly want to support the betterment of the person or situation. My mistake lies in not consulting the person about their opinion or desire. Or in not requesting all the details of a situation. Tolstoy's statement challenges me, confronts us. He seems to suggest that we look at how we are and what effect we have on a situation in order to change ourselves before we seek to change the other. It's a concept I face and work with on a daily basis. Hopefully, I will focus more on the changes I need to make in myself and less on judging the changes need by the other.

How do you feel when you hear someone say, Be the change you want to see in the world? What change would you like to see happen? Is there a way you can be that change? or a reflection of it? How often do you find yourself either giving advice to others or biting your tongue so you don't? What topics show up most often when that happens? With whom does that most often happen? What small change could you make in yourself to ease the stress?

Step onto the Road

It's a dangerous business, going out your door.....

There have been those times when I decided to step onto the road ~ that path that's not quite the usual neighborhood street, not precisely the work-a-day world ~ and found myself in new territory. My place in that territory unexplored and fresh, filled with adventure ~ and with moments of consequence.

What is that road? Where is it leading? Two questions I may ask ~ and to which I receive no responses. If I had all the information about where I was headed, I may be more reluctant to simply step onto the road. Like Bilbo and Frodo, I find some of my adventures painful or difficult. If I knew those times were in my future, well, I really don't know what I'd do.

This season, the run up to the New Year, is the perfect time to review how my stepping out has gifted and shifted me. One of my steps took me out of the work-a-day world and into the space of self-propelling my days. I feel a bit out of sync. As though the norm is having a 9-to-5 job and now I am no longer normal. I no longer spend time with my work friends. TGIFs are not only no longer necessary, I have no one with whom I can or need to commiserate about work.

 Along with stepping off that path, I've stepped onto another. Planning  out my days, my time has been a challenge. There are things I want to do, things that need to get done, places I want to go. With all the time in the world open to me, I get flummoxed by its vastness. With nothing to particularly plan around ~ like a work schedule, the amount of time itself can overwhelm. I'm continuing to work with finding my own personal flow.

Some people have shared that they are jealous of all the time I now have. I rarely respond with more than a smile, nod or simply 'yes' even though I'm thinking more about the fact that my path, my road, is not theirs. They will know soon enough what it means to have an uncharted path in front of you. Then they will find their own way.

What road did you step onto this past year? Was there more than one change? What challenges did you face? What gifts did you receive? What did you leave behind? How do you currently feel about your choice?

Life and Courage

Great gratitude to the tea companies that provide me with Teabag Tarot! This one arrived attached to a my tea yesterday. It resonated deeply with me.

Despite the words, I do not believe this is truly saying life itself doesn't matter. It's the details of life, the day-to-day stuff that happens, that is less important. In the long run, it won't matter if your work colleague took credit for your idea or if your lawn was mowed every weekend or if you had the highest gpa in seventh grade. What makes a difference is what you bring to the adversity you face. How did you respond when someone put you down? What did you do when the doctor gave you a worrisome diagnosis? How did you face the rapids when you were whitewater rafting?

Courage is a force within each of us. It shows up in different ways. Sometimes it's the moments when we break down, weep and wail over what's been lost, and continue on. Or the times when we find we need to turn our backs on a painful situation and move on. Or the times when we step in to fully embrace a new situation. Courage comes into our lives in times of change, whether radical or subtle, desired or resisted, adventurous or mundane. It does not reveal itself the same way in each person or in each situation.

We value strong shows of courage ~ and the people who exhibit them. We often don't recognize the less flashy kind. The mother whose child is born with a disability, whose courage is a daily movement and coupled with love. The youth whose dream is to be an artist and continues his art, no matter what. The surgeon who leaves her practice when she realizes her hands are no longer as steady as they once were. These are courageous moments too. They are the day-to-day decisions we make about how we will go on. Courage comes from a deep place within us, a wellspring we often don't know we have until we need it.

In what situation has courage arisen in your life? How do you recognize it in others? What kind of practice might cultivate courage for you?

The Wild Places of the Mind

How I discovered Katherine Mansfield and this quote from her Notebook, I have no idea. No matter. It is here and so am I.

"The mind I love must have wild places, a tangled orchard where dark damsons drop in the heavy grass, an overgrown little wood, the chance of a snake or two, a pool that nobody's fathomed the depth of, and paths threaded with flowers planted by the mind."

Prior to reading this, I did not ponder any specifics of  the mind I love. Over time, I have chosen friends and lovers whose minds could match and challenge mine. I did not want to be bored.

My mind is awash in the creative language Mansfield uses ~ the fullness of the Wild Places. Without copying her specific terminology after the wild places, I consider the mind I love ~~~

The mind I love must have wild places. They ring with crimson bells and resound with the voice of the loon and crow. They focus bright white full moon light on darkly rippling water. There must be a lilac wood for the unicorns and high stone ledges which dragon fire cannot harm. Snakes and snake charmers, suns and stardust alike shimmer at the edges. The labyrinthine depths draw me farther in and closer to the heart.

I have met this mind. I have danced to its music and floated on its clouds. Its gypsy wild howls bring me ravenous joy.

What about you? How would you describe the mind that you love? What kind of wild places would you associate with that mind? Is there more than one? Would they have similar wild places? What is a wild place within your own mind?

Tender Collapse

The recent sunshine and warmth juxtaposes with and accents the process of grief and letting go. It is not simply the passing of winter or the season of Easter, it is the encounter with death and loss that continues through it all.

Spring is about re-birth and new growth, life reasserting itself after winter's passing. Although that sounds wonderful, it is also a time of great challenge and change.

Have you watched a plant breaking through the ground? It creates a chasm all on its own. Under the surface, it's broken through the covering of the seed or bulb. Then it pushes its way through the dirt separating it from the air and sunshine. As it splits the surface, it creates a miniature mound of earth as well as the breach through which it will poke its strong yet fragile head.

We are like that when we grieve. We push toward the Light, toward the Breath. Each movement is natural yet a phenomenal struggle. We continue to act as though everything is normal and ordinary. Within us moves the same struggle, unseen, edging forward, up and out. Occasionally, in order to break through into the light, into healing, we feel the seism along the fault line within us. We have no control over it. Eventually, something small, quiet, dark bursts forth through the surface and we wail with its appearance.

When we are most fortunate, most blessed, love also appears ~ often in the guise of family and friends ~ and witnesses our tender collapse without attempting to pat the dirt back into place or dig out a larger hole. Simply witnessing. Then when we feel more whole, or not, perhaps we will be able to stand in witness of the unique tender collapse of another.

What is breaking through in you? What grief are you holding? releasing? How are you standing in witness to others' break-throughs? What else is growing in your life this Spring?

October New Moon in Libra

Wow! It's been a long time since I've written in this blog. September was a wild ride month. Anyone else experience that? Lots of energy buzzing and zapping around with the eclipses, the equinox and Mercury retrograde. It's good to be on the other side of that.

Now there's a New Moon in Libra ~ which is all about relationships ~ and that will be greatly assisted by being past the wild and wacky energy of the past month!

Now is the time for balance. Settling in just enough to make me recognize my own need for self-care in all areas: mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It's also the time to honor communications as the leading edge for growth. Listen with an open mind. Speak from the heart's truth. Remember to express gratitude.

Continuing on the path of change, making big plans and keeping track of the details finds support at this time too. It's about Choice: tension or release? movement or stagnation? healing or rage? being awake or staying asleep? owning what needs to be healed or projecting it on others?

Personally, I'm being challenged to be more centered and reflect what is being mirrored to me by the world. I continue to learn to use ~ as well as to rest ~ my voice, speaking clearly from my own truth and expressing my feelings. If I believe in my purpose and myself, I can stand in relationship with those around me without causing harm to either myself or the other. I am also working through and with balancing the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine. For me, this balance has been going on for years. It's a dance I enjoy having.

I recall something one of my former teachers said: "Each time you let go, each time you learn a lesson, it will come back to you in the old way again. Only the next time, you will go deeper to release it. And so it will go until you are done." Learning the lessons, evolving to the next level, continues in a spiral, looping back over and over again so the mastery can get deeper and deeper.

What lesson are you learning? What is the truth that is seeking you? What change is poking itself into your life? How do your relationships support you? How do you balance it all?

Resurrection Reversed: A Call to Allow

Colette Baron-Reid, The Hidden Realms

With a focus on What do I need for today?, I 'drew' a card electronically from Colette Baron-Reid's Wisdom of the Hidden Realms deck. For the first time, the card appeared reversed. I felt myself shudder. I recognize the expression of the card is a challenge and it's calling me to change.

From the guide book:
"When the Phoenix challenges you, ...let go and let what doesn't work fall away. Maybe ... you're more comfortable with the familiar, even if you know it's not the best you could create for yourself.
Fear of change is a crippling experience, .... The task at hand is to allow for an ending, as it's timely and right that you do so for the highest good of all. In surrendering to the fundamental purposeful change, you will most definitely find yourself in better circumstances. The action needed is allowing. A rebirth is assured."

Change is a natural part of life. We watch children grow and change. We comment on their changes. We comment on the changes in a person's appearance after getting married or having a baby. These are changes we deem 'good' because we see them as life-affirming. When the changes are grey hair or glasses or divorce or moving, we are not so sure of the blessings in them. As we face those changes, we need to allow them to flow in our lives, to break us down, to break through our defenses and barriers. Allowing for that also allows for the creative energy that redesigns and rebuilds us, that molds us into stronger, more exquisite forces of nature.

I'm in at least one of those places right now. There are changes on my horizon and I find myself challenged to allow the flow of those changes so that a new, creative me can be birthed. The birthing process is messy and painful and intense; the result is always worth it. The reversed Phoenix card is reminding me of that.

What change is coming (or has come) in your life? Are you allowing the change to flow? or are you resisting it? What creative result do you want to birth? How can you assist or allow that creativity to happen?

Scorpio Full Moon Myths

This Full Moon arrives conjunct with the asteroid Lilith. Lilith bears Her own set of myths that are only magnified when She comes in contact with the Moon Mother. Many of the myths of Lilith cast Her in the role of a power to be confronted and perhaps even subdued. But Lilith is not one to succumb to the demands for Her to bow to what others, especially men, want of Her.

In one of Her aspects, Lilith scares Inanna ~ One of the powerhouse Goddesses ~ because She carries dimensions of Inanna's own archetypical nature. Who, indeed, is She? How does She bear to carry so much power?

In another aspect, She does not accept Adam's demand that She be the particular type of partner he wants. She does not falter in Her belief that the animals do not need Adam, or Her, to name them. Even when that belief means She can no longer be in Paradise and another is created to replace Her. She leaves that Paradise fully understanding She must, and will, survive on Her own. She lives into the fullness of the meaning of virgin as an autonomous, self-sufficient woman; one not needing to answer to any man.

Lilith's story is a cautionary tale, meant to scare women into submission. If a woman dares to challenge the system, she will be banished. This, however, backfires as soon as one realizes that banishment is not necessarily a bad thing.

Lilith is the dark, hidden side of Lunar Myths. She is the One strengthens as well as scares. She can live in the darkness. She can shine like moonlight and pierce that same darkness.

What is your favorite tale of darkness and light? What is your reaction to the stories of Lilith? Why would a Dark Goddess be representative of the light of the Full Moon? How does Her tale touch you?