Step onto the Road

It's a dangerous business, going out your door.....

There have been those times when I decided to step onto the road ~ that path that's not quite the usual neighborhood street, not precisely the work-a-day world ~ and found myself in new territory. My place in that territory unexplored and fresh, filled with adventure ~ and with moments of consequence.

What is that road? Where is it leading? Two questions I may ask ~ and to which I receive no responses. If I had all the information about where I was headed, I may be more reluctant to simply step onto the road. Like Bilbo and Frodo, I find some of my adventures painful or difficult. If I knew those times were in my future, well, I really don't know what I'd do.

This season, the run up to the New Year, is the perfect time to review how my stepping out has gifted and shifted me. One of my steps took me out of the work-a-day world and into the space of self-propelling my days. I feel a bit out of sync. As though the norm is having a 9-to-5 job and now I am no longer normal. I no longer spend time with my work friends. TGIFs are not only no longer necessary, I have no one with whom I can or need to commiserate about work.

 Along with stepping off that path, I've stepped onto another. Planning  out my days, my time has been a challenge. There are things I want to do, things that need to get done, places I want to go. With all the time in the world open to me, I get flummoxed by its vastness. With nothing to particularly plan around ~ like a work schedule, the amount of time itself can overwhelm. I'm continuing to work with finding my own personal flow.

Some people have shared that they are jealous of all the time I now have. I rarely respond with more than a smile, nod or simply 'yes' even though I'm thinking more about the fact that my path, my road, is not theirs. They will know soon enough what it means to have an uncharted path in front of you. Then they will find their own way.

What road did you step onto this past year? Was there more than one change? What challenges did you face? What gifts did you receive? What did you leave behind? How do you currently feel about your choice?

Nonjudgmental Reflection

Wisdom of the Hidden Realms by Colette Baron-Reid

From the guide:

The Lady of the Mirror is both Ally and Challenger, asking you to see yourself in the mirror made by the events in your life. She represents the powerful force of the Law of Attraction and reminds you that what you are is what you attract. .... Certain events are fated to test our faith. Rather, find yourself within the web woven through your life, your relationships, opportunities, desires, seeming failures, and successes. Observe how you've responded to life's challenges, great and small, and be aware of what is familiar in the present. Release all judgment, and accept things exactly as they are with love. The Lady of the Mirror asks that you honor every part of your story as essential to your highest unfolding. 

This card comes at the perfect time. (Isn't that always the case?) I've been touched by several new experiences lately. My deepest reaction was non-blaming and nonjudgmental ~ and it surprised me. It's as though I already started on the path of the Lady of the Mirror.

One phrase from the guide caught my attention: "...what you are is what you attract." If ~ and when ~ I'm tense or nervous or stressed, what arrives on my doorstep is usually something reflecting those same qualities. It becomes a downward spiral ~ or even a slide! People around me respond accordingly as well. They show more agitation as a reflection of mine.

On the other hand, when I am calm or reflective or joyful, what shows up around me is generally much the same. I feel more positive and more upbeat in my responsiveness and those around me often show up with the same upbeat manner.

I was also attracted by the final statement to "honor every part of [my] story as essential to [my] highest unfolding." In truth, there are some pieces of my recent experiences and story that I would prefer to leave behind. Yet these words speak clearly to me about every part of the story being significant. Each piece, whether or not I find value in it, has value to the greater picture. I continue to breathe in this nonjudgmental moment. This does not always come easily to me. My human instinct is to evaluate, and with that evaluation, to judge events and the people in them good or bad, right or wrong, helpful or harmful. These past few days, I have had the pleasure of nonjudgmental reflection and reaction to my experiences.

How does nonjudgmental reflection show up in your life? Are you exactly where you need to be on your path? Do you love what you see in the mirror? Can you perceive your part in your reactions and the motives behind your current inquiry? How honest are you with yourself?

The Storm, Part 1

I thought I'd left it behind, that desire to remember everything, every ache, every pain, every wrong anyone had ever done to me. Walked away from the desire to carry it all to my grave. I'd certainly done my work on it ~ as it had done its work on me.

Then I encountered The Storm ~ an event both external and internal ~ that unsettled me, that openly illustrated that I hadn't experienced all the elements to this depth previously. I began to realize how much I hadn't truly let go.....

In this moment, letting go has become a continuing drift from memory to ache to forgiveness and back again. It's not entirely over yet. I've scarcely stepped through the Heart Gate ~ this place where I deeply feel all things bubbling and roiling in intense, wild and wondrous ways. My Shield is down ~ lying in the darkness beside the Path ~ and I'm still upright, still moving forward. Feeling every movement, every shift, both inside and out.

Through my own encounters, I have learned that each person experiences a different version of The Storm, one that is tailored to the individual. The experience is defined as much by how one holds on to personal 'stuff' as what one chooses to hold on to.

No matter, The Storm has its effect. As Murakami's final two lines say:

"When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what the storm's all about."

Have you encountered The Storm in your life? Or perhaps more than one? What changed for you? What changed within you? How are you different?

God's Tools

I've spent entirely too much time in my life being afraid of making a misstep off the path. To paraphrase another famous quote, sometimes the path diverges and I've had a choice to make. Do I continue on the one I've been walking? Do I step onto another, that leads in an unknown direction? Which path at which time is the best one for me? The questions rise and fall like my breath flowing in and out of my lungs.

I've been afraid of making mistakes. Felt more of the perfectionist coming out in me. Ha! Not sure the status of being a perfectionist. The feeling arose more from the drive to not fail, not look like a fool, not be wrong.

Then there were the moments when I took the steps irregardless of the consequences. My moves from one place to another, across the country and the world, were like that. Stepping into and out of relationships was like that. My path often found me and I tripped onto it, making mistakes and friends along the way.

I've considered disappointment as God's tool. It's provided me the impetus to shift gears, to reach out, to lean into counting my blessings and looking for the brighter side. I've been afraid that it's meant I'm not good enough for or at whatever. I've sunk into the depths of feeling bad and wanting to run and hide. Somehow, I've found something to rest my gratitude on ~ a phone call or a card, a sunset or a quarter on the street. Something that slips a different tone into my vision and I am grateful.

How have you found your path? How many times has it changed, twisted, turned, diverged? How have God's tools kept you going? What or who has helped you get or stay on your path?

Wednesday #1

Traveller, your footprints
Are the path and nothing more;
Traveller, there is no path,
The path is made by walking.

~ Antonio Machado, Traveller, There is No Path

During this season, more than at almost any other time of year, I feel the traveller, the pilgrim within me, expressing herself more and more. Maybe it's the Spring with its new buds and greenery and lambing. Maybe it's the flow of sap once again after the sluggishness of winter. maybe it's the stretching of the limbs after hibernation. For whatever reason, my pull during this season is to move.

"The path is made by walking." Have you ever walked in a forest or on a hillside or along a road and noticed a path heading off in some unknown direction? Maybe one that was barely noticeable? What did you think? Were you drawn to explore it, to investigate where it led?

Many paths I trod in my life were barely visible markings on the ground. Others were covered with mist. still others were unlit by more than the stars of the night sky. The destination not always assured. Every step an adventure in trust. For each of these I am eternally grateful.