God's Tools

I've spent entirely too much time in my life being afraid of making a misstep off the path. To paraphrase another famous quote, sometimes the path diverges and I've had a choice to make. Do I continue on the one I've been walking? Do I step onto another, that leads in an unknown direction? Which path at which time is the best one for me? The questions rise and fall like my breath flowing in and out of my lungs.

I've been afraid of making mistakes. Felt more of the perfectionist coming out in me. Ha! Not sure the status of being a perfectionist. The feeling arose more from the drive to not fail, not look like a fool, not be wrong.

Then there were the moments when I took the steps irregardless of the consequences. My moves from one place to another, across the country and the world, were like that. Stepping into and out of relationships was like that. My path often found me and I tripped onto it, making mistakes and friends along the way.

I've considered disappointment as God's tool. It's provided me the impetus to shift gears, to reach out, to lean into counting my blessings and looking for the brighter side. I've been afraid that it's meant I'm not good enough for or at whatever. I've sunk into the depths of feeling bad and wanting to run and hide. Somehow, I've found something to rest my gratitude on ~ a phone call or a card, a sunset or a quarter on the street. Something that slips a different tone into my vision and I am grateful.

How have you found your path? How many times has it changed, twisted, turned, diverged? How have God's tools kept you going? What or who has helped you get or stay on your path?