Energies for Travel

Starting out on a month of travel, I chose a couple of cards from the Mythical Goddess Tarot by Sage Holloway and Katherine Skaggs. My focus as I shuffled and drew: What Energy/Energies go with me as I head out on this journey?

The first card was the 8 of Seas with the title Depletion. My initial reaction was that I'd somehow made a mistake. I hadn't been concentrating on the 'right' thing. We all know the truth of those kinds of reactions. Sometimes what we fear, what we draw away from, is precisely what we need to understand.

I grabbed the guide and read:
Saturn in Pisces
Beached whales lie ashore on gray sands under dull skies. There is no vitality, no light, ... in this landscape. This card is a caution against burnout and emotional depletion.
Your heart must have the nourishment and attention it needs, ... It is a top priority for you to nurture yourself and pay attention to your feelings ....

My jaw nearly dropped in amazement. Then I began to chuckle. Obviously, there was more to this draw than I'd appreciated on first glance. I'm growing past an experience that left me with a degree of PTSD. Even though I've been feeling better and life is going more smoothly, there is some residual angst. My journey is to visit friends who have always been supportive and uplifting. This card reassures that I am going to the right place for my continued healing.

The second draw was Uzume on the Fool. She looks exuberant dancing on the drum head. I love the Fool.

From the guide:
Air
Uzume is the whirling Japanese Goddess who lured the Sun Goddess, Amaterasu, from her dark cave. ...
The Goddess Uzume dances to the whirling cosmos, without regard to the rules and restrictions of the physical world. Like the air element she represents, she has no agenda and no baggage. Uzume draws forth the child-like innocence in everyone she meets. She is the essence of Spirit. She embodies nonconformity and the transcendence of the earthly realm. Uzume is the archetypal Wild Woman. ...
Uzume as the Fool reminds you to be free in your expression and the way you view the world. .... Be like Uzume and free your inner radiance into expression, by being true to your genuine essence, released from the restricted limitations of your genetics and the world around you.

This brought home to me the other reason for my trip: to fully embrace the wildness and wonder of life. I have the opportunity to dance in a way that I haven't for awhile. I've felt this urge growing in recent weeks: the desire to move more freely, and with more joy, in my journey through the world. What an incredible pair of cards to draw!

How are you moving through the world? What saps your vitality? How does depletion show up in your life? What do you do when you feel the urge to dance, in whatever way that shows up? How does it show up in your life? When was the last time you opted to do something that had an element of the wild? What did you do? If it hasn't been recent, what can you do to encourage your own joyful nature?

Memory and Music

Every now and again, a song or a performer strikes the heart deeply enough to rock us to the depths of our souls. The right music. Different songs for many people. Different performers for them as well.

Last night, one of those performers played his heart out in one small bar. Why was this performer different? What did he have that touched our souls? Not an easy answer. Perhaps it is that all who were there to hear him were immersed in the same mythos ~ the one created by and for this particular performer.

Over a decade ago, we celebrated this performer with and at a fundraiser because we were certain he'd be leaving our presence soon. He'd been living with AIDS for a decade and things were looking dubious. He remains with us, in this world, on this side of the veil, and filled with a passion when he performs that puts all in his presence to shame.

Although he no longer has the stamina to play three or four hour gigs, what he does play brings all of us to that point of letting go and riding the wave of the music to forgetfulness or remembrance, whichever place we need to reach at the moment. During one of the songs, with a band consisting of drums, piano, trumpet and trombone complementing his guitar and vocals, I was swept into an ecstasy of spirit that had nothing to do with the half-glass of wine I'd consumed. I could feel the music within and beneath me, carrying me away. Even as a music lover, very few performers and performances bring me to that point. Suddenly, everything was in its proper perspective, The music, the people, the time ~ all was right with the world.

What music brings you to that place of forgetting or remembering? Is it a type of music? a performer? a particular song? Does certain music bring amnesia? Other music bring memory? Are you in the moment with the music? To what era/time in your life does it transport you?

The Wild Places of the Mind

How I discovered Katherine Mansfield and this quote from her Notebook, I have no idea. No matter. It is here and so am I.

"The mind I love must have wild places, a tangled orchard where dark damsons drop in the heavy grass, an overgrown little wood, the chance of a snake or two, a pool that nobody's fathomed the depth of, and paths threaded with flowers planted by the mind."

Prior to reading this, I did not ponder any specifics of  the mind I love. Over time, I have chosen friends and lovers whose minds could match and challenge mine. I did not want to be bored.

My mind is awash in the creative language Mansfield uses ~ the fullness of the Wild Places. Without copying her specific terminology after the wild places, I consider the mind I love ~~~

The mind I love must have wild places. They ring with crimson bells and resound with the voice of the loon and crow. They focus bright white full moon light on darkly rippling water. There must be a lilac wood for the unicorns and high stone ledges which dragon fire cannot harm. Snakes and snake charmers, suns and stardust alike shimmer at the edges. The labyrinthine depths draw me farther in and closer to the heart.

I have met this mind. I have danced to its music and floated on its clouds. Its gypsy wild howls bring me ravenous joy.

What about you? How would you describe the mind that you love? What kind of wild places would you associate with that mind? Is there more than one? Would they have similar wild places? What is a wild place within your own mind?

Dancing with Gumby

I woke one recent morning from a dream of dancing. The beat of the music was captivating, the dance floor full, the light softly glowing. The band was on a step-up stage not very far in front of me. As I looked across at my dance partner, I saw a rubbery and smooth movement from almost prone on the floor to full standing in front of me. My partner was also kind of green. I started to giggle as I realized that I was dancing with Gumby.

My giggling probably woke me up. Really? Dancing with Gumby? What does that mean? I felt happy ~ there was a bubbling sensation that remained even after the giggles stopped.

My daughter played with Gumby and Pokey at one of our favorite breakfast places when she was a toddler. I knew, and still know, very little about the characters. So I was surprised to find Gumby could dance so well and was my dance partner.

As I was curious about this fun dream, I decided to re-enter it at a later time. My goal was to find the meaning..... or one meaning. Sometimes there are many. When I did the re-entry, I discovered that more of those on the dance floor were either characters of some sort or in costume. I couldn't make out the specifics of the costumes so I did not find out what other characters may have been there. What I eventually noticed was that I was also 'in costume' ~ I wore a tulle skirt that floated around me like my own miniature cloud. Underneath the skirt, I wore light blue leggings or tights. I also wore a woven jacket of some sort.

After observing all of this, my mind asked my dream self why I was dressed as I was.
Dream Self: Because it's comfy. Besides the skirt floats when I dance.
Mind: Why are we here?
Dream Self: We were invited, silly! Don't you remember?
Mind: No. Tell me more.
Dream Self: Things are changing. There is a great celebration happening. It's time to dance. It's time to be with others who are like us.
Mind: Who are these others?
Dream Self: Others with gifts. Others expressing their creative, deeper selves. Others practicing being heroic by being seen. We're here to support each other.
Mind: That sounds good. Is it just one time? or can we return here?
Dream Self: We can return here whenever we need or want to. It's the place where we remember our creativity. That's why it's important.
Then my Dream Self danced away from me. I knew our conversation was done. For the moment.

I like that I was dancing with Gumby. I enjoyed hearing that one meaning of the dream was that it was a safe place to practice creativity, to allow room for the less staid side of me to flow. I hope to return there again in the future!

Have you had dreams with characters in them? from TV shows or movies or books? How did you feel in the dream? How did you feel when you woke up? Have you ever attempted to re-enter a dream? What did you find out? What would be your interpretation of the character/s in your dream/s?

Kintsugi Dancing

Kintsugi (金継ぎ^?) (Japanese: golden joinery) or Kintsukuroi (金繕い^?) (Japanese: golden repair) is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum  ...  As a philosophy it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise. 




I'm currently in the midst of two group expressions and experiences of going into the darkness with the Goddess. This is the time of year for this passage. As any time of groping around in a dark passage, what I find is evidence of brokenness. Evidence that reveals how the broken pieces have healed and rejoined is also tangible in that darkness.

Finding it embedded deep within reminded me of the Japanese art of Kintsugi, joining broken pieces with elements of powdered precious metals to make art out of brokenness. That's what I am: art with visible broken places and shiny scars exposing the unique beauty of how I have healed.... and how much has returned to wholeness.

In the midst of these visions and memories, I am awestruck by the difference in my outlook. It's easier to accept my flaws, to embrace the healing and to let go of the wounding arrows. I'm by no means perfect, inside or out. What I am is reunited. What I am is reformed. What I am is released. It's always my choice as to how I walk in this world, whether I twist and bend to hide the broken places or dance fully revealed and let the scars show that piece of who I am.

What about you? How do you walk in this world? Do you let your brokenness show? What pieces do you keep hidden? Are you aware of your own beauty? How does that awareness define your movement?

October New Moon in Libra

Wow! It's been a long time since I've written in this blog. September was a wild ride month. Anyone else experience that? Lots of energy buzzing and zapping around with the eclipses, the equinox and Mercury retrograde. It's good to be on the other side of that.

Now there's a New Moon in Libra ~ which is all about relationships ~ and that will be greatly assisted by being past the wild and wacky energy of the past month!

Now is the time for balance. Settling in just enough to make me recognize my own need for self-care in all areas: mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It's also the time to honor communications as the leading edge for growth. Listen with an open mind. Speak from the heart's truth. Remember to express gratitude.

Continuing on the path of change, making big plans and keeping track of the details finds support at this time too. It's about Choice: tension or release? movement or stagnation? healing or rage? being awake or staying asleep? owning what needs to be healed or projecting it on others?

Personally, I'm being challenged to be more centered and reflect what is being mirrored to me by the world. I continue to learn to use ~ as well as to rest ~ my voice, speaking clearly from my own truth and expressing my feelings. If I believe in my purpose and myself, I can stand in relationship with those around me without causing harm to either myself or the other. I am also working through and with balancing the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine. For me, this balance has been going on for years. It's a dance I enjoy having.

I recall something one of my former teachers said: "Each time you let go, each time you learn a lesson, it will come back to you in the old way again. Only the next time, you will go deeper to release it. And so it will go until you are done." Learning the lessons, evolving to the next level, continues in a spiral, looping back over and over again so the mastery can get deeper and deeper.

What lesson are you learning? What is the truth that is seeking you? What change is poking itself into your life? How do your relationships support you? How do you balance it all?

Angel Dance

Make me an angel
     that flies from Montgom'ry
Make me a poster
     of an old rodeo
Just give me one thing
     that I can hold on to
To believe in this living
     is just a hard way to go

Angel from Montgomery by John Prine

The past two days, this snippet of song has been the background music in my head. The first line caught me up: Make me an angel...  In the song, I suspect it's asking an angel to fly from Montgomery and give the singer some physical expression to hold on to, even an old rodeo poster would do the trick.

My perspective? To be an angel ~~ not the kind with feathered wings or the one that's sworn to be good, but the kind that dances through life, light and airy and filled with joy and goodwill. That was my version of the chorus. That's what I want to hold on to. An attitude rather than a thing.

The final line of the chorus weighs me down creating the desire for a change ~ or a dance. Sometimes it's hard to face day-to-day living. Sometimes it feels impossible. Yet if I can find the rhythm, the dance, I know I can hold on!

What do you hear in this song? What song plays the background of your recent days? How do you interpret the song? What meaning does it carry for you?