Ask Better Questions

Questions elicit answers in their likeness. Answers mirror the questions they…meet. So while a simple question can be precisely what's needed to drive to the heart of the matter, it's hard to meet a simplistic question with anything but a simplistic answer. It's hard to transcend a combative question. But it's hard to resist a generous question. We all have it in us to formulate questions that invite honesty, dignity, and revelation. There is something redemptive and life-giving about asking better questions.

                                        - Krista Tippett

Schools on all levels often teach the Who-What-When-Where-Why-How method of questioning. Using those questions once was the sign of a good investigator as well as a good reporter. It was about getting to the crux of the matter, exploring the details, and cross-checking the facts. Those questions, couched in a variety of other wordings, informed our opinions as they taught us about the many facets and faces of the world around us.

Some people worded their questions to elicit specific responses ~ either in word or in denial. Many asked questions from a mindset that expects particular responses. We learned to listen with ears attuned to words we wanted to hear. It's no longer about finding the facts or telling the most complete version of the story. It's about proving ourselves right. Getting the story out there first took precedence ~ and if some facts were inaccurate, well, we could update it later. Nevermind that most people would never see or hear the update.

To get back to that place of curiosity and wonder, we have to relearn how to do less guiding with our questions. Ask more open-ended, generous and invitational queries. Ask better questions ~ not only in their complexity, but also in their authenticity and genuineness. Set an intention to invite and welcome others, whether they are family, friends, neighbors or total strangers. As we open ourselves to asking better questions, we learn more about those around us. We develop a more sincere way to express ourselves in the world as well.

What questions would you want someone to ask you? How do you respond to quick or simplistic questions? What questions form themselves in your mind when you meet a new person? What keeps you from asking them? How do you pursue conversations with others? Why is it important to you to ask ~ and be asked ~ open and authentic questions?

Your Meaning

Multiple posts, anecdotes and stories have a seeker climbing a mountain or crossing rushing waters to reach a sage, yogi or guru. The seeker's ever-present question: What is the meaning of life? Responses range from sincere koans to multi-layered stories to snappy retorts. The replies remain open-ended. It's up to the seeker, the reader, to find meaning.

Joseph Campbell redirects the question. Life itself is not what holds meaning. We do. We are alive to bring purpose into the world. If we look at our lives, where do we find meaning? Generally, we find it in the presence of family and friends, in relationships with people and our surroundings. When we discover ourselves seeking life's meaning, it's often because we have lost touch with one of our primary or supporting relationships. This happens in various ways, from the death of a loved one to retirement to our childhood house being razed to a child's marriage and move. We feel grief because of the loss, whether it is something we deem positive such as retirement or our child's marriage or it is something we call negative such as death or a destroyed building. We think the positive losses should not create grief, but our hearts, our spirits, don't follow the course of our shoulds. We feel the loss and we are not able to control that sensation. This does not mean we aren't happy also. We often believe grief and joy don't occupy the same space ~ but they do. They both occupy our hearts.

What Campbell brings forward is that our search for meaning is truly the search for ourselves. Who are we? What brings us joy? How do we express ourselves in the world? When we feel lost or we have lost someone or something important to us, we have difficulty answering those questions. We want the outer world ~ or the Divine ~ to define the meaning of what we are feeling. But that doesn't happen. We are the meaning. All of what we feel is important and significant. It defines us.

In this moment, how do you define your life's meaning? What are you in the midst of doing? How are you living your life? What measure do you use to determine meaning? How do you deal with grief? Can you recall a time when both grief and joy were present in your life?