Come, Wanderer

"Come, come, whoever you are.
Wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving -
It doesn't matter.
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vow a hundred times.
Come, yet again, come, come."

—Jalāl ad-Dīn Muḥammad Balkh, or Rumi

(September 30, 1207 – December 17, 1273)

I share a birthday with Rumi.

Maybe that shouldn't be my most first thought when reading this. Yet, I've always loved Rumi. I first found his work when I was in high school, working in the library. It caresses me with its passion and intensity.

Wanderer ~
I've been a traveler, a nomad, a gypsy since a very young age. My mother said I habitually wandered off. When I was 5 or 6, I climbed to the top beam of a house being built in my neighborhood and she needed to climb up to get me. I promised to be good, to stay close, to let people know where I was going. Alas, I have indeed broken that promise at least a hundred times.

Rumi speaks from that deep place of love, the knowingness that someone is always present in your life, will always return to you ~ or allow your return. The call to that return is exuberant ~ "Come, come.... yet again, come, come." The invitation is not only real but overflowing with emotion.

Rumi's voice can be heard also as the voice of the Divine, the Lover of us all, hailing us, reminding us that there is a place for us whenever we choose to return to it. It's that open, passionate invitation that keeps me returning when I feel less than charitable toward myself, when I need to be held by the essence of Love.

Is there a place, solid or spiritual, that beckons you? How do you feel when it does? What draws you back? How do you "hear" the call?

Celebrating Birth and Death Days

What a lovely surprise recently when going to Google's search page. It was personalized for my birthday! On the one hand, sweet and touching to see. On the other, scary that Google wishes its clientele a Happy Birthday ~~ because it does know the birthdays of all who use Gmail or Google+ or Hangouts.... the list goes on.

My birthday was an incredible mix of celebrations ~ birth, life and death. I celebrated my own birthday in person with my partner; received greetings via mail, email, text, phone and social media; and spent time alone, contemplating my life. I played with my new 'toy' ~ a Samsung Galaxy S tablet ~ that I received as a gift. What fun!

My life has been a lovely string of events orchestrated by my parents, by my choices of partners, career and friends and by my daughter. Currently, I imagine hearing Frank Sinatra's voice singing, "Regrets. I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention." Or to remember. It's all been a most amazing blessing.

Lately, including on my birthday, I've been in and around several conversations about aging and about death. One friend posted a picture of her unsolicited AARP card (oh, dear!) bemoaning her aging. Another commented on the number of people she's known lately who've died (or passed over, if you prefer). One wept over her son who committed suicide; another laid a spread of Fall flowers on the ground for a daughter-of-the-heart who died too soon. One spoke about not being able to be around a mutual friend dying of AIDS; another about her fears of her own mortality. One spoke softly about missing her deceased husband; another ranted about her dead father. All of these conversations happened within the past week.

That's the season that occurs around my birthday as well. Death and dying are part and parcel of Fall. Yet there's beauty and harmony in the circle and cycle of life that happens too. We're coming closer to Halloween, All Souls' and All Saints' Days ~ Samhain, the time of year when the veils between the worlds are thinner, easier to pass through. All this is what I love about my Fall birthday.

What do you think of Fall? What do you celebrate on your birthday? Do you think about the fullness of the cycle of your life? How do you feel about it?

Awake Inside Your Breathing

O Beloved,

your way of knowing is amazing!
The way you recognize every creature
even before it appears.
The way you gaze into the face
of every human being
and see all your works gazing back at you.
O what a miracle
to be awake inside your breathing.

~ SYMPHONIA by Hildegard of Bingen

Hildegard of Bingen lived in 12th century Germany. When she was 8 years old, her parents sent her to a Benedictine monastery where she learned to read and write and eventually live out her life. When she was 50, she became abbess of the monastery. Hildegard's life story is a fascinating one. All the more so because she wrote not only books, but also music. She was the mystic of the greening; she saw the intensity of growth all around.

This snippet of Hildgard's Symphonia is lovely. Although she is speaking of God as her Beloved, she could be referring to any of a multitude of Divine beings. I so love the sound and flow of it ~ calling the Divine "beloved" and feeling the awe and amazement of being seen. That's what the Divine does for us ~ helps us to be seen, to be know as an individual.

When I think of the phrasing of the last line, to be awake inside your breathing, I feel the gentle pull and the warmth of the breath of the Divine. I feel the moisture of that life-giving breath. It is a miracle and I am grateful!

What presents you with the beauty of the Divine? What do you love most about it? Do you have a favorite poem that connects you with the Divine?

Color Stories

At a writing workshop, the workshop leader brought Inna Segal's Secret Language of Colour Cards. The directions were to draw one or two of them. When we had the card or cards, we were to use the color or colors in our writing. Here's what flowed through my mind, down my arm and into my pen.

BB bounced into the room, ready for ~~ well, I wasn't quite sure what she was ready for. She was dressed head-to-toe in her trademark black: shirt, skirt, leggings and shoes. The eye-popping difference was the magenta scarf looped at her neck and hanging to her waist.
As I reached for my first glass of burgundy for the season, I observed her. it was difficult to tell what kind of mood she was in. So I took a sip and took a chance.
"BB, hon, where are you off to?"
"Oh," she startled as though she hadn't noticed me in the 8x10 foot kitchen, sitting on a stool at the island in its center. I'm only 6'4" but you'd have thought I was invisible.
"I'm off to the school play," she said, twirling. "How do I look?"
Questions like that are free-floating mines in the ocean of dad-daughter relationships.

Although this may not be a polished story ~ or even a complete one, I love the prompts where the story shows up when bidden ~ even in a certain timeframe. Not always the pattern for for my writing. When it does happen, it feels like grace ~ and a blessing from the Divine. The Divine, for me, is that place of flow and peace and trust. Whatever anyone else may wish to name it, it's the feel that matters.

My choice of cards was random with the cards spread out on the carpet and me grabbing the two that glittered their call to me. When I sat down to write, I noticed the numbers on the cards: 16 and 17. In the 'deck' or booklet, they are next to each other. On the floor they were half a deck apart. Another sweet coincidence. More things to love.

How does flow happen for you? What creative endeavor do you spend time on or with? How do you feel when that creative flow occurs for you?

Mythic Storytelling

Wisdom of Avalon by Colette Baron-Reid

I truly enjoy the art of divination: shuffling a deck with a question in mind, then choosing a card. Over the course of many years of doing this, I'm a believer. It's amazing how much I've learned through this method!

My question: What strength will I dance with tomorrow? I shuffled the deck through several repetitions of the query. I felt a nudge to finish with my shuffling and split the deck which I gladly followed. I was left with two choices, the 'bottom' card (the one shifted to the bottom of the deck when the cut is made) or the 'top' one. I wanted it to be the bottom one, but kept feeling that insistent nudge to choose the top one. So I did.

What a surprise! I got The Bard: music, poetry, myth, history, the enchantment of storytelling. What a hoot! I love myths and am a storyteller. My focus is reworking and reclaiming the myths that shape our lives and our world. I call it re-mything. More than that, I am participating in a writing workshop tomorrow where I am certain the mythic will show up. It always does.

Now if you're thinking is anything like mine, I wanted to check out the 'bottom' card to find out if the concepts were similar. That card was The Horse: accepting help from another, delegating authority. Very different messages.

What I recognize is that like most things, the choice is always mine. I can follow my instinct which made one choice or my mind which made a different one. The differences are not always so radical. Other factors often pop in to change it up even more: emotions, memories, chance. Whatever I follow is my choice. I love my choice this time. Nothing against The Horse. I'm simply thrilled with The Bard!

How do you make decisions? Is it different if they're big decisions or not-so-big decisions? If it's something as simple and non-crucial as a divination card, does it matter?

Diary Writing

I don't know about anyone else, but I've been told for a long time that the best proof of being a writer is writing in a journal or diary. Wow. I don't do that. Writing this blog is the closest I come to diary writing. I suppose that makes me less than perfect on the writer scale.

That said, I think I could write diary entries like this image suggests. If I could begin a snippet of either the day or a 'tarot moment' or a collected kledon, use that to begin a story, and run with it, I'd been a happy camper. I will add one thing to this advice: Do what makes you happiest. Do whatever kind and amount of writing that satisfies your soul. Don't let anyone dictate what you should or shouldn't do or say, what you can or cannot write. Name yourself: writer, poet, tale-teller, whatever fits. Believe in yourself. First and foremost. Always answer the call of the muse of writing.

What advice would you give your inner creative? What do you need/want to do to nurture that creative spark? What keeps you from doing it?

Good Advice

How many times has someone told you to 'just be yourself' and assured you that everything would be fine? How many times have you given that advice to another?

I heard that phrase multiple times each year I headed into a new school or a new setting. I was the quiet one, the introvert who watched more than participated. Somehow, being myself required that I be more outspoken. Or simply spoke more. Not going to happen. I'm not sure the speaker knew myself well. Being myself often was painful because others didn't approve or like or notice who I was.

Now that I'm older, and presumably wiser, I have an extremely different view of the advice to 'be yourself.' First, I've grown to accept the introvert within me, even to the point of honoring her and holding her close. I've learned how to be myself in the midst of a group and have many friends. My introvert self is bookish and has a wicked sharp wit and tongue. People laugh at my one-liners and find my stories pleasant to hear. Those are all facets of me that thrived within the introvert self.

'Be yourself' is incredibly rich and difficult advice. Our culture, although it holds particular strong individuals in high esteem, encourages us to be more alike than different. From a young age, we are taught by adults and peers around us that looking, acting, speaking and being a particular way ~ like the group ~ will gain for us acceptance, protection, affection.

"Who else can you be?" you may well ask. It's not a question of who else I can be, but of how deeply and thoroughly I can hide significant parts of myself ~ parts that put my individuality on display.

It's exciting to get 'be yourself' as my Teabag Tarot' advice today. It gives me a reason to review how much of myself I choose to show, how much I choose to hide, and how thoroughly I know who I am through it all.

How fully do you follow the advice to 'be yourself'? What facets of your personality do you feel a need or desire to hide? With whom can you more fully expose who you are? Where do you find yourself hiding?