Monday, January 18, 2016
Pausing as I sip the near-boiling brew, my mind trips from one scene to another. It begins with moments where I felt left out: laughter gathering between my parents and brother; friends choosing sides for baseball and I'm the odd number out; schoolmates chatting about the upcoming prom and I have no date; walking into a room and feeling a hush begin. Knowing everyone feels this way, I can often settle my personal anxiety and move on.
Who do I need to forgive in each of these scenes? Who has added to the anxiety? I find that what helps me heal and move on is to forgive ~ forgive my family who simply found the same things funny; forgive the friends who didn't want a non-athletic person on their baseball team; forgive the schoolmates who didn't know I wasn't going to prom. Most of all, forgive myself. Forgive myself for letting these things matter, for letting them define me, for letting them create the pattern of sadness in my life. When I have forgiven, I feel lighter, more buoyant, happier.
When have you felt left out? How has that happened? What have you done about it? Have you forgiven those who left you out, on your own? Have you forgiven yourself? How did that work out for you?