July 2016 Capricorn Full Moon

One theme of July's Full Moon is letting go. Letting go what no longer serves us. Letting go the past. Letting go regrets. Letting go the tight controls we put on our emotions. Another word for all of this might be surrender. It's not a passive release. It's an active process of allowing for experience, expression and exhalation.

Allow the experience of remembering and considering what is holding us back from being or doing our best. Allow the expression of regret, grief, fear or whatever other emotions bubble up. Allow the exhalation of pent-up breath, tears, exhaustion and worry. The Capricorn Full Moon is present to support us as we dig deep into our very selves, call up our shadows and bear our souls.

Uranus, the Ultimate Awakener, and Eris, the Goddess of Chaos, are square to the Full Moon as well helping to shake the foundations to cause destruction of the old and rebuilding of something new and better. This is the time to rebalance and refocus on our higher path, realign our earthly self with our heavenly self, bring the ideal into reality.

What do you need to let go of? What no longer serves your best good? What feeling/s are cramped inside you, waiting to be released? How will you move forward from here? How will you embrace the healing and joining of your earthly self and your heavenly one?

Letting Sadness Be

Aleph, Paulo Coelho

For some unknown reason, I felt a great sadness weighing me down part of the day yesterday. It's a moveable feeling. It shows up every now and again, as though I have lost something or someone recently. Grief. And yet not quite to the defined extreme as grief can be.

When I came across this quote, it was amazingly applicable to what I felt. Most specifically, Tears are words that need to be shed. Something inside me, deeper than I knew possible at the moment, needed to be shed. Needed, even called, to be released.

I know people who believe that we continually need to keep our energy and perspective at the highest vibration or level possible. If we continue to focus on the positive and the best outcomes, we draw that to ourselves. That's the Law of Attraction. Although I agree with the principle, my experience is that For me personally, I must let the emotion be. I must call it by name, not to focus energy on it, but to acknowledge it. If and when I do that, I release the emotion into the Universe, into the hands of the Divine, to be transformed. If and when I do not acknowledge it, it continues to knock on my inner door, disturbing my stability.

That brings me to the final sentence of Coelho's quote: Without them, joy loses all its brilliance and sadness has no end. In my life, I have kept tears at bay. I have swallowed them before they ever left my eyes. I have walked away from situations so I would not let the tears flow. Without the tears, and the ensuing words that create and embrace them, dullness takes over. In my experience, I cannot call it sadness because its texture is different. Sadness has emotion and power that arrives with it. What I feel is dullness. As though nothing can penetrate and touch my space, my mood, my being. I would rather let the tears come, let sadness be, know that tomorrow will bring another chance for joy.

What do you do when you feel sad? Do you ever feel a general sadness, without a reason? How do you handle that? How does it feel when you act as though sadness is gone (and it truly is not)? What do you do to work through that feeling?

Power and Love

I could live on Rumi poems..... then again, I could live on many poets' writing. Something about the brevity and clarity of their words.

Personally, I have total belief in Rumi's commentary. I've experienced the power of travel over and over again throughout the course of my life.

Most recently, I took a three-day journey to another part of my state. Another person traveled with me; we met another at our destination. It was a very low-key time. We did simple things: shopping, walking around, a hike through a local park, a play, shared meals. In the context of travel and being together in a shared environment, we did these things with more consciousness than if we were at home, even performing the same acts. We noticed the beauty of our surroundings. We left the mundane behind. We enjoyed the rain, the chill, the sun, each and all in immediate and different ways. We talked about mundane as well as significantly important topics. At various times, I breathed deeply and spoke about how enjoyable and wonderful our shared time was. All of us agreed. It felt refreshing, invigorating, empowering. As we shared time together, we also felt the gentle spirit of our love.

Could we have experienced that together at home? Perhaps. Yet the effort it often takes to be fully conscious, fully present can feel heavy and interfere with the uplifting power when in a place where our responsibilities are reduced and shifted. Travel is a gift we give to ourselves and that, too, is loving and powerful.

How do you feel when you travel? Where have you traveled most recently? How are your interactions with others different when you travel? How does travel empower you?

Talking about Death

We live in a culture where the mere mention of death is taboo. Unless it's in a movie. Or The Walking Dead. Or the Grateful Dead.

Full-blown discussions are totally out of the question. Spending my entire day yesterday with 500 other people immersed in activities, discussions and presentations focused on every aspect of death was awesome.

It began with two keynote speakers. The first was Barbara Roberts, the former Governor of Oregon and advocate of Death with Dignity. She spoke briefly and passionately about her experiences as her husband Frank was dying of lung cancer. Her book Death without Denial, Grief without Apology: a Guide for Facing Death and Loss chronicles her experiences of grieving.

The second keynote was longer, given by Stephen Jenkinson, founder of the Orphan Wisdom School, a teaching and learning house in eastern Canada. As a storyteller, he related stories from his two decades of work with people dying and grieving that were chronicled in his recently published book, Die Wise: a Manifesto for Sanity and Soul. His presentation overflowed with his compassion, dedication, humor and hard truth. He expressed his views and experiences reverently and irreverently and all who listened, all 500 of us, hung on his every word.

I attended sessions for three of the four breakout times:

• the shamanic practice of meeting the soul friend who will accompany me through my death passage; 
• writing my own obituary;
• practicing mindful photography for intimate care-providers as a loved one is dying.

Friends who were there attended other breakout sessions. I didn't see any of them in mine. We met up at lunch and shared our feelings and our session titles. Everything else was too new or too tender or too long a tale.

What I recognize within my own heart and soul is that I struggle with reclaiming the D words: Death, Dying, Dead. I've spent years giving them up for the more politically correct passed over, departed this reality, is no longer with us. All of these terms prevent me from facing that the person who has died will not be returning. I will no longer see her face, hear his voice, feel her hand in mine. If I continue to think in terms that are less than final, do I allow myself to fully grieve? to embrace the memories? What also came to me through every session and encounter during the day was the tip of another iceberg: If I deny the word and the depth of its meaning, will I miss the fullness of life? Will I put off embraces, passions, experiences thinking that not only they but also those who might share them with me will always be around? How do I balance the sense of finality with the expression of joy? So much to ponder!

How do you talk about death? What's been your most recent experience? Is it different now than when you were younger? How do you feel when you hear the D words? Why? How do you respond?

The Working of Memories

Leaving the house this morning, the air was heavy with dampness. Not fog as has been recent; bright sky, instead, aglow with rose and gold. Breathing deeply in early morning light, I paused. Took another deep, intentional breath. The smell in the air was striking. Another deep breath and I was in Cairo, walking the sand-colored street to school. Another breath and I was in Abdu's taxi on my way to Nazlet es-Saman and the pyramids. The scent brought me half-way around the world in an instant. It took a moment to regain my bearings, readjust my sense of place and prepare to drive in to work.

The most amazing moments occur when I allow myself to slip into those memories. Some may say it's an escape; I experience it as an embrace. The moments my senses recall the memory are strong. They happen without my permission; sometimes without my knowledge. When I took that first breath, my entire body reacted, telling my lungs, "Do that again!" I found myself chuckling. The images deeply connected to that particular smell have nothing to do with my current home. The memory was powerful ~ and assuredly welcome. A fantastic start to my day!

Are there particular scents that resurrect memories for you? Are they welcome memories? How do you experience these memories? Do you see things? Feel them? Do you other senses bring memories back to mind?

Be Teachable

Colette Baron Reid ~ The Enchanted Map

From the guide book:

Wisdom comes from participating in life, not just reading about it. This card suggests that you might not have enough knowledge about what you seek, the direction to take, your circumstances, or the nature of your inquiry. Important information is coming. Note is the time to go to school, ask a person who might know more than you do, or find a teacher or a course of study so that you can more clearly understand what the next right action must be. Sometimes life unexpectedly sends you to an unfamiliar school, and you must learn by experience. Now is a time to be teachable, open to changing your preconceived notions. Be a student, and be willing to say the most powerful mantra of all: "I don't know ~ yet."

When I first saw this card, I thought, "Of course. So fitting for a teacher." Then I read what was written in the guide book. Ahhhh. Quite a different story. This is about being humble and accepting the education as it is presented. More of a wake up call than a pat on the back.

To reinforce this particular lesson after drawing this card, I read a friend's post on Facebook about an experience she is having and we shared a private exchange about the lessons she is learning. My head leans toward saying this kind of experience couldn't happen to me ~ it nudges me in that direction. My heart and my soul know a different story. I ache for the pain my friend is experiencing. I hold her in my prayers. I bow in thanks to be a support and to honor the teacher she is being for me.

I have preconceived notions of my strengths ~ and they are being tested. My pride is currently being challenged to the point that I am being redefined by it. I have a definition of who I am that is being redesigned and charred to the point that I am not sure I will recognize it when it's done. I am learning about what is most important, and what is not. I am a student once again.

Are you in a space of being teachable? What or who in your life has a lesson for you? Are any of your preconceived notions being challenged? How will you face that challenge?