May 2016 Full Moon in Sagittarius and Other Wonders

©2014 ML Monroe

We are currently under the strong and immediate influence of the Full Moon in Sagittarius. The Moon has a great impact on us. We are always looking to the heavens for reasons we often don't fully realize. The light on the night of  a Full Moon captivates us.

May's Full Moon in Sagittarius is the first of two in Sag this year. June's Full Moon will be in Sagittarius also. So we'll have twice as much time to process the power of this event.

This particular Full Moon is about shifting perspective. It may not be as significant as a change. It may be a small 'aha' moment when something comes into clearer view.It may be finding the opportunity for further or deeper self-care. Whatever it is, this Moon offers encouragement in a positive light, illuminating the Big Picture for those who notice it. This is a time of challenging us to recognize truth from fiction, fantasy, lies and illusions. Even, and perhaps especially, the ones we tell ourselves.

For the next month, until the June Full Moon in Sag, we'd be well served to remember to ask ourselves these questions before we speak: Is it kind? It it true? Is it necessary? Is it of positive benefit?

The other wonders happening at this moment: Mercury goes direct today. Whew! We made it through another retrograde session. Since it is only the first day, go gently into communications and interactions. Remember the lessons learned.

Another wonder: Black Moon Lilith has entered Scorpio. She reminds us that there is no light without darkness. It's important to stay aware of the shadows that even the brightest light creates. They are what gives life its variations and facets, its gumption and guts.

As I researched Black Moon Lilith's movement, I found much on Her darker aspects and almost nothing on the positive that they may bring. The feelings or expressions we judge as wrong, negative or evil are also expressions of our wild nature, our deep humanity. They provide us with understanding and compassion as we feel them raging against challenges or suffering with suppression or oppression.

Lilith was the first Goddess to come to me, to touch my life with her darkness and depth. My introduction was discovering the gas chambers in the death camps of World War II were called Lilith's Caves. I wanted to know why. Who was She? Why was She so dark? What I discovered was Her story, which I tell elsewhere. What I uncovered was that She stands with those torn by grief, burdened by depression, exploded by rage, broken by guild. Her comfort is not to take these things away, but to be the One Who remains fully present, witnessing our every step, every tear, every shudder, without denial or looking away.

Black Moon Lilith in Scorpio is Her stepping into the Dark, into the Abyss, of Her own volition. She is quiet and fully present. Scorpio is depth itself, governed by Pluto (currently in retrograde), God of the Underworld, and Mars (also in retrograde), God of War. Sitting within that place, She absorbs and reveals the shadow side of life. Can we sit there with Her?

What are you feeling during this Full Moon? What are you willing to release? What does the Darkness reveal to you in the Light of the Full Moon? How do you balance the two? How has Mercury retrograde affected you?

Destiny Orientation Redux

This picture was taken over two years ago ~ and used in my blog at that time as well. Finding the image again, I chuckled. How far ~ and not ~ I've come in these past nearly two and a half years!

Running around the tech floor of a building, I spotted this sign on the wall outside a computer lab. On my first pass, the words didn't immediately register... until I swept into the office where I'd been headed. Upon leaving the office, I determined I'd get a picture of the sign.

Destiny Orientation? What in the world was that? Whenever I recall the sign, I grin and shake my head. But it makes me think as well. Do we need an orientation for our destiny? How do we know what our destiny is? Can someone else orient us? or tell us what or where or with whom we are destined to do or be? How long does the orientation last?

For the past two and a half years, my destiny has been pointing to an upcoming moment. My orientation has been a compass point ~ the 'due north' direction of retirement. However, retirement is not in itself a destination. It's a rite of passage, a gateway to the next phase of life. As with all rites of passage, we see it on the horizon long before we arrive. And we have a need to ritualize it, to make the passage a sacred one.

My entire life is focused on ~ as with most of us ~ living into my destiny. My definition of who and what I am shifts like the dunes of the Sahara. Even though my core being remains stable, I continually reorient myself to accommodate the height and movement of those subtle changes. I breathe through the disorientation of those shifts, remembering that my destiny lies not only on the path ahead of me, in the perpetual movement around me, but also within me. It will always be so.

What determines your destiny? How do the tiny or enormous shifts in the dunes of your life change that? On what do you depend for your orientation? What is your current 'due north'? How is it different from what it was two years ago? What is the 'lab' from which you draw your orientation?

Created by Our Past

When we are in the midst of growing up, everything around us helps build us into the person we will eventually become. Some things are simply part of our nature: introvert or extrovert, tall or short, spontaneous or ponderous, etc. Either by genetics or some other natural event, these characteristics are within us from birth.

Then there are those events that happen to, with and around us that shape us as well: critical significant adults, abuse, illness, socio-economic status, etc. These are different sorts of variables in our lives. Yet they shape us as surely as our genetics do.

Yesterday, I had a conversation regarding someone with whom I've worked fairly closely for a number of years. Whenever this person feels pressure, someone else also feels it ~ and I've been one of those someones. As I'm leaving the situation where all of this has occurred, our conversation revolved around two of the latest encounters as well as who may be their next someone or target.

I realized as we chatted was that, although I've felt hurt and even angry after the encounters, my long-term residual awareness was of their woundedness. Something in the past left an ugly, painful mark. The pains from my own past were also reflected in our encounters. I allowed the hurt and anger to rise. I talked about the encounters to others in order to feel better about myself. I played out the poor me role to whatever extent my hurt feelings projected it. I acknowledge we are both playing out roles created somewhere in our past. I am interested in growing beyond the need to play those roles, in letting go of the elements in my past that created them. We'll see if I can do that before I leave.

What wounds from your past create upsets in your present? How can you let go of them? or heal them? What purpose do these upsets serve in your life? What can replace them?

Finding Freedom

Have you ever been so intimidated by your own fears, apprehensions and anxieties that you lost track of your goals, perhaps even your spirit or soul?

Many times in my life, I've opted for what might appear as the easy way out. I've let fear overtake my deeper desires and sense of self. It hasn't always been as clear or easy a choice as it may seem. I've struggled. Tossed and turned, whether asleep or awake, with the questions. Prayed over it. Rarely released it.

Then there have been those times when the decision to move forward, to move in the direction of the fear rather than away from it, was clearly the best choice. Wow! Tough options to feel my way through.

One of those decisions happened shortly after a cross-country move. I was married at the time of the move. My husband had many challenges in his life. He was depressed and an alcoholic-addict. These things weren't evident to my young adult self when we met, dated and married. They blossomed after we went through an emotionally traumatic year when his father was diagnosed with cancer, my father died suddenly of a heart attack, then his father died after a brief and brutal period with the cancer. I became stronger from the experiences. He, on the other hand, lost himself. So when we moved cross-country, away from our support systems, we intended to start afresh. That didn't work. The pain within him traveled cross-country with us. Before we had been there a year, I moved out and filed for divorce. It was not an easy decision. I knew he was in pain. I knew my strength could support him. I loved him dearly. I was afraid of the judgment others would pass on me for divorcing him. There was no single determining factor in my decision. I only knew, deep in my soul, that I could not carry him to wholeness. He had to do it on his own. Or not. Depending on me would not help him heal. My decision freed us both to move on to a new life.

Another decision stemmed from a co-worker suggesting that I go overseas to teach. He told me about his time teaching in Germany and said it was a great experience. At the time, I was single and he thought that would be a good move for me. Within a month of his suggestion, I was heading to an international schools hiring conference in New Orleans. By the end of the weekend, I had a contract to teach computer tech in Cairo, Egypt. I'd never taught computer tech before, but I convinced the interviewers that I could. I was going to live in Cairo! Doing that on my own, I was later to find, was the most wild and wonderful adventure I could ever have chosen. But what it meant in the short-term as I prepped to go was facing a lot of apprehensions and fears. What would I need to take? Where would I live? Would I be able to teach the full range of students? What support would the staff require? Where would I store the things I was leaving behind? How would I continue to pay my bills? The list went on and on. One by one, I faced them down and never looked back.

What decision points have you faced in your life? What part has fear or anxiety played in your decision? Have you discovered a place of freedom from your choice? Do you have any regrets? How do you deal with those?

Warning and Perspective

Wisdom of Avalon cards by Colette Baron-Reid

From the guide:

The Wasp

anger, retaliation, jealousy

The Wasp has a stinger that hurts with poison when confronted. Be mindful of how you address the world when the Wasp appears on your path. If you're not careful, you may sting or be stung. The Wasp reminds you that pain is a choice, so don't waste your stinger on a petty quarrel. Are you jealous or envious or the victim of someone who is? Jealousy and envy are the children of fear and lack---send love, light, and compassion, and stay clear of the sting. Mind your own business today, and save it for a life-and-death situation. Chances are that whatever comes up today is smaller than you perceive it to be in the grand scheme of things. On the other hand, when you feel the sting of a wasp, be smart and swat it away! Defend yourself! The wasp sends an omen of warning to protect yourself as well.

What is it that I need to face the day tomorrow? That was my focus question as I chose the card for today. I was stunned to silence by the choice. What? Me? Wanting to retaliate? Well ~~ truth be told, there are moments when I want to 'get back at' someone for an injury or wrong I believe has been committed. When I feel that way, I'm not always careful with my words or with my actions. I'm attempting to snatch back something that was never mine in the first place or something that, under other conditions, I wouldn't care to have. Usually, it's my sense of the spotlight or recognition or acknowledgement. Most of the time, I don't care if people notice or acknowledge anything I do. I do what I do for another reason ~ because I want to do it or because it's the right thing to do. Occasionally, I want the spotlight that is focused on someone else to be focused on me. When that happens, my words and actions can sting ~ and once I recognize what I'm doing, I regret it. The sting comes back to me.

Then there's the sting I receive from others. I've experienced someone recently publicly taking me to task for something about which she did not have full information. Others saw, heard and steered clear of the chastisement. Although I felt affronted by the verbal slap, I knew it came because she did not have control of the situation and was stung by that herself.  It's not easy to take a step back and recognize those injured feelings ~~ and turn around to wish the person well, to send love and light, to recognize that whatever that person is feeling, whatever is causing the lashing out, is his or her own pain. I am only the target, and perhaps the trigger, but not the creator of the other's pain.

The sentence from the guide that jumps out at me is: Chances are that whatever comes up today is smaller than you perceive it to be in the grand scheme of things. It's a variation on a question I was asked by a mentor years ago: In a hundred years, what of this will matter? Most of the time, I can reduce it to: In five years, or even next year, what will this matter? Perspective makes all the difference. So for now I will heed the warning to protect ~ and defend ~ myself and not go looking for someone to sting!

What is your response when you feel attacked? What warns you that there is an attack? What is your preferred method of retaliation? If you're being honest, how do you respond when you feel jealous or challenged? Have you developed a practice of taking a step back? of adjusting your perspective? Try doing it consistently for several days. How does it change your responses?

Becoming a Hero

As I was flipping through pages on the internet, I came across a catchy statement: She needed a hero, so she became one. I searched for an image with the quote and found this one with a variation on the theme.

We often think of heroes in terms of war. There's always conflict and a reason for someone to enter the fray and save lives. Even our love of superheroes, be they Marvel comic heroes or otherwise, illuminates our sense of needing rescue.

What most attracts me to this image is that she is revealing herself to be Superwoman. She is visible and unafraid. Her head is up and she has a determined look on her face. She is unshakable. She is also beautiful ~ and she exudes confidence and awareness.

She defies the concept of the helpless female crying for the bulging-muscled, ripped abs male hero to save her. Or of the princess looking for the handsome prince to awaken or complete her. It's clear that she creates herself in the image of the hero. Or perhaps creates the hero in the image of herself. Either way, she recognizes that she can become one. She doesn't need rescuing by anyone; she stands up for herself, takes care of herself, watches out for herself.

The quote touches a deep place in me. Growing up in an era where women as a group, rather than individually, were beginning to see themselves as independent and capable, the notion of needing a man remained a subtle subtext. As time marched forward, that subtext became smaller and much less legible. My daughter, another generation completely, operates in a world where being your own hero, your own superhero, no matter who you may be.

Who are your heroes? How are you a hero? Do you continue to look to others to save you? How do you rescue others? How do you define a hero?

Listening and The Lovers

Shapeshifter Tarot

The Lovers
The Lovers is a card about perfect communication, about finding something your soul requires. When this card appears, you are being told to trust your instincts, to choose this career, challenge, person or thing you're so strongly drawn to, no matter how scary, how difficult, irrational or troublesome - without it, you will never be wholly you. It's sudden and unexpected, and it means a complete change in plans; but this is LOVE. True love. Go for it!


Before drawing this card, I focused for several heartbeats on my coming week. My question, the center of my focus, was: What strength will I need and have available to draw on in the coming week?

The very first part of the statement about The Lovers card attracted me: perfect communication. That's often easier said than done when working with others who are clearly not reading my mind, nor I theirs!

Trusting my instincts is something I am consciously developing. Instincts don't always follow our thoughts, our conscious minds. We call them 'gut' instincts for a reason: we feel their pull, their truth, deep within ourselves ~ at a place that requires us to be still and listen. Our minds are constantly chattering at us. Even though our instincts may be communicating, it is our minds that we are used to hearing.

What draws me most, at the moment? Obviously, writing. I've been writing in my blog daily (with one exception) since the beginning of April. I am encouraged by the numbers of people reading what I write. I find that I write to please me as much as to please others. The feedback I receive is wonderful and reassuring, yet I am prompted to put words to paper from a deep, internal space.

I also find myself reaching for my camera more. Not at work. When on walks, driving in the car, looking at my surroundings. I am amazed by the wonder and beauty around me ~ the blessing of it all. My gratitude challenges me to capture it in some way through my photography.

These two passions spur me onward. Drawing The Lovers card reinforces me ~ reminds me that I am listening to that still, small voice within. That I am responding to the instinct to create.

What do you see in The Lovers card? What draws your instinctual self? How do you respond? What reinforcement do you need to follow your instincts? What defines perfect communication for you? How will you pursue it?