Sunday, October 19, 2014
This one caused that reaction in me. Wow. It should be so easy, right? Yet I find myself awake in the middle of the night, thinking about .... well. nothing in particular and everything in general. Those weird questions run through my brain: What should I wear tomorrow? Is it going to rain/snow? What did X mean by saying Y? Did I pay the water bill? Do I have clean undies? I think you know the ones.
Then there are the bigger-than-life questions: What do I want to be when I grow up? and when will that be? Will I ever write the great American novel? Do I even want to? Do I have enough money to take a trip to Macchu Picchu? Will anyone ever truly know who I am? or love me for who I am? Is there a God? I think you know these queries too.
While these questions might keep me awake at night, I've gotten better at laughing at them, recognizing their potential for diversion, their non-real presence. The laughter breaks the mood, shatters the stress before it's fully formed, leaves me more relaxed. Then I can fall asleep.
I've also learned to laugh at these same type of questions that arise in the light of day as well. You know these too: Is my boss watching? Is this within my pay grade? Were my coworkers talking about me? Does my breath stink? Most of these questions pop into my mind because I feel insecure or "less than." Not because any of this is true or really matters. I make it important. I define my reality around some pretty silly parameters. That, in and of itself, gives me reason to laugh.
Do you sleep soundly through the night? Are there times you awaken anxiously? What is important in defining your reality? Can you find a way to laugh more? What would that be?