Talking about Death

We live in a culture where the mere mention of death is taboo. Unless it's in a movie. Or The Walking Dead. Or the Grateful Dead.

Full-blown discussions are totally out of the question. Spending my entire day yesterday with 500 other people immersed in activities, discussions and presentations focused on every aspect of death was awesome.

It began with two keynote speakers. The first was Barbara Roberts, the former Governor of Oregon and advocate of Death with Dignity. She spoke briefly and passionately about her experiences as her husband Frank was dying of lung cancer. Her book Death without Denial, Grief without Apology: a Guide for Facing Death and Loss chronicles her experiences of grieving.

The second keynote was longer, given by Stephen Jenkinson, founder of the Orphan Wisdom School, a teaching and learning house in eastern Canada. As a storyteller, he related stories from his two decades of work with people dying and grieving that were chronicled in his recently published book, Die Wise: a Manifesto for Sanity and Soul. His presentation overflowed with his compassion, dedication, humor and hard truth. He expressed his views and experiences reverently and irreverently and all who listened, all 500 of us, hung on his every word.

I attended sessions for three of the four breakout times:

• the shamanic practice of meeting the soul friend who will accompany me through my death passage; 
• writing my own obituary;
• practicing mindful photography for intimate care-providers as a loved one is dying.

Friends who were there attended other breakout sessions. I didn't see any of them in mine. We met up at lunch and shared our feelings and our session titles. Everything else was too new or too tender or too long a tale.

What I recognize within my own heart and soul is that I struggle with reclaiming the D words: Death, Dying, Dead. I've spent years giving them up for the more politically correct passed over, departed this reality, is no longer with us. All of these terms prevent me from facing that the person who has died will not be returning. I will no longer see her face, hear his voice, feel her hand in mine. If I continue to think in terms that are less than final, do I allow myself to fully grieve? to embrace the memories? What also came to me through every session and encounter during the day was the tip of another iceberg: If I deny the word and the depth of its meaning, will I miss the fullness of life? Will I put off embraces, passions, experiences thinking that not only they but also those who might share them with me will always be around? How do I balance the sense of finality with the expression of joy? So much to ponder!

How do you talk about death? What's been your most recent experience? Is it different now than when you were younger? How do you feel when you hear the D words? Why? How do you respond?

October New Moon in Libra

Wow! It's been a long time since I've written in this blog. September was a wild ride month. Anyone else experience that? Lots of energy buzzing and zapping around with the eclipses, the equinox and Mercury retrograde. It's good to be on the other side of that.

Now there's a New Moon in Libra ~ which is all about relationships ~ and that will be greatly assisted by being past the wild and wacky energy of the past month!

Now is the time for balance. Settling in just enough to make me recognize my own need for self-care in all areas: mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It's also the time to honor communications as the leading edge for growth. Listen with an open mind. Speak from the heart's truth. Remember to express gratitude.

Continuing on the path of change, making big plans and keeping track of the details finds support at this time too. It's about Choice: tension or release? movement or stagnation? healing or rage? being awake or staying asleep? owning what needs to be healed or projecting it on others?

Personally, I'm being challenged to be more centered and reflect what is being mirrored to me by the world. I continue to learn to use ~ as well as to rest ~ my voice, speaking clearly from my own truth and expressing my feelings. If I believe in my purpose and myself, I can stand in relationship with those around me without causing harm to either myself or the other. I am also working through and with balancing the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine. For me, this balance has been going on for years. It's a dance I enjoy having.

I recall something one of my former teachers said: "Each time you let go, each time you learn a lesson, it will come back to you in the old way again. Only the next time, you will go deeper to release it. And so it will go until you are done." Learning the lessons, evolving to the next level, continues in a spiral, looping back over and over again so the mastery can get deeper and deeper.

What lesson are you learning? What is the truth that is seeking you? What change is poking itself into your life? How do your relationships support you? How do you balance it all?

Embrace Change

www.EarthAngelsArt.com

On the front of the card:

Wear red shoes.
Embrace change.
Give gratitude a voice.
Love with your whole heart.

On the back of the card:

I will not be afraid of things changing. I will enjoy the moment I am in and not worry about what comes next.

As I prepared to draw a card, I paused, took a deep breath, released it and focused on "What do I need to hear today?" This lovely angel was the card I drew. I grinned as I read the small phrases on the front. When I turned it over, the focus on change and living in the moment rang true within my heart.

Several years ago, I recall a saying making the rounds among my friends: "The only constant in life is change." So incredibly true! I really cannot count on things staying the same forever. Just as the year rambles its way through the changing seasons, so does everything in my life.

Yet so often I hear people talking as though attempting to keep those changes at bay with statements like "If only the children stayed that age" or "I'd love to be able to run like I did in high school" or even "Those were the days." When I let those phrases, and so many more like them, go through my head or get stuck in my mind or heart, I step outside the present moment and into the past. That can be a fun place to visit, but not to stay.

Life is all about change. The different colors of the leaves in Fall. Barrenness in Winter. New life in Spring. Wildly abundant growth in Summer. The seasons remind me to allow for that change and run with it. Enjoy the season that exists right now, that brings me life.

What's been a recent change in your life? How do you handle it? What do you expect to happen? What happens when you resist it? How do you feel? What can you do to embrace change in your life?

Faith in Myself

Usually I have a pleasantly upbeat attitude. Lately, though, I find myself rocking wildly between upbeat and beaten up. This emotional roller coaster takes its toll on me when this happens.

Sometimes, maintaining equilibrium in the midst of everything life tosses my way is not as simple as at other times. This happens to be one of those more challenging times.

I have several decisions to make ~ important decisions, life-changing decisions, radical truth decisions. Every hillock and valley the roller coaster careens over and through leaves its tracks. If these decisions, or any one of these decisions, was not present in my life, maybe the sense of vertigo would abate. Not gonna happen. Because every one of these decisions is here, demanding attention now.

This morning, when making my cuppa, I was struck with joy at seeing this Teabag Tarot attached to my teabag. The first part of the koan, wisdom in your actions, felt a bit flimsy. I am not secure in the wisdom of my actions. I move forward, as openly and honestly as I can without leaving myself vulnerable to attack as I maneuver through the daily minefields. Am I wise? Well, as wise as I can be under the circumstances.

It was the second phrasing that twanged the chord in my heart: faith in your merits. I have been feeling wobbly and anxious, challenged and singled out, with a notable lack of faith in myself. This little piece of paper gave me pause to re-evaluate my personal truth: I am lovable, capable and worthy. What I think, feel, do and say matters. I am a positive influence on others. Funny how reading those four simple words on a tag attached to a teabag can boost my spirit and carry me through my day.

Do you believe in your merits? What are they? Can you list at least three? How do you feel when you do list them? Say them out loud. Do you feel different? List them somewhere where you can see them throughout the day. Look at them when anyone, including yourself, attempts to belittle or diminish you.

The Page of Wands

The Labyrinth Tarot ~ Jack/Page of Wands

As I sat in the sultry air of my house this evening, I decided to draw three tarot cards. I felt a call to change up the overwhelm of the still, hot air. Each card had its own message ~ all three running together:
First, the Emperor representing the ability to take formless matter and give it shape, organization and structure.
Second was the Page of Wands: Beginning of a new journey, transformation, learning new ideas spiritually, finding the creative side within, responding to a new challenge and finding a new side of oneself.
The final card was the World which indicates completing a journey or a trial and being on the threshhold of another journey. It's about seeing the big picture and recognizing that one is a part of it, on the correct path.
The cards appeared to be an auspicious flow!

I was fascinated by the center card, the Page of Wands. It felt like the hinge, keeping the other two sections joined together, yet movable.

Generally, the Page of Wands indicates that things begun in the past, perhaps quite a while ago, are blossoming now. More than that, there continue to be new things (adventures, approaches to life, ideas) filled with creativity and inspiration. All imbued with positive energy. Something new is brewing ~ an experiment? an exciting new project? Or perhaps simply awe at the beauty and wonder of life all around.

The draw of this particular card was that it echoed something that's been playing at the edges of my vision for some time now: It's a time of change; a time of newness; a time of adventure. I love when a divination tool, such as the Tarot, speaks directly to the immediacy of my personal moment in time. This one brings with it clarity and a smile!

Do you ever use cards as a means of divination? How do you feel when the meaning of the card matches what's happening in your life? What do you do to stay positive in the midst of changes? How do you express your own creativity?

Creative Spark Igniting

The Enchanted Map oracle cards by Colette Baron Reid

From the guide book:

You are a clear channel for Divine creativity.

There is a spark of creativity in you, and you have every reason to move forward with optimism and hope. Open yourself to inspiration and allow life to show you its beauty and your part in co-crating it. This is the perfect time to give birth to an idea, start a new relationship or job, or begin any endeavour. Attraction is high as you connect with others who can co-create joyous experiences and join with you in expressing the finer aspects of life. Watching a spark turn to a flame and stoking that fire is a gratifying activity.






In my journeys of the past two weeks, as I drew from this deck of 54 cards daily, this particular card showed up three times. I shuffled each time. My traveling companion also shuffled and drew cards. Still, on three different days, twice as a single draw and once as part of a patterned layout, Spark turned up. It was the only card that showed up 3x.

Significant? Certainly, to me. "There is a spark of creativity in you." The voice inside my head responded, "No duh." I write: in blogs, as a freelancer, in book reviews. I do crafts that I give as presents, use as exchanges for other work, or sell outright. I compose and tell stories online and in videos. All of these take creative energy.

Yet this card arrived in my hand three times. Why?

Maybe because even though I know these things, even though there is actual evidence that the creative spark glows within me, I deny it. Or I find ways to diminish or discount it.
"Anyone could do this."
"But her story is so much better!"
"There's nothing original about my work."
No need to go on ~ my creativity abounds in my denials!

As I return to work ~ and to the routines that bind me to that work, I plan to maintain the essence and the memory of that card: Spark. At times, it may feel overwhelming to remember ~ and I may forget for a while ~ the joy of creativity. I promise myself: I will remember!

How do you diminish your own creative spark? What is one joyous way you can help yourself remember it? If something shows up in your life 3x in fairly rapid succession, what do you think? how do you choose to respond to it? What is your next step on your creative path?

Emotional Flow

Oracle of the Dragonfae by Lucy Cavendish

From the guide book:

"... From time to time, I have found my own sadness overflow, and it is at those times that I need to return to water, to commune with that element's wisdom until I am calmed, soothed, and refreshed. ... Know that simply by going to a body of water, this can be your bath, a lake, river, pond, puddle or even oceanic majesty, you will be soothed. ... Your life swirls and flows like water...keep moving too, to avoid stagnation in sadness. Sensitivity is yours for this lifetime, ...allow your sensitivity to flow,..."





After a healing session with a friend, I drew this card from the Oracle of the Dragonfae deck. The commentary, from Andelle's point of view, aligned well with the healing session. Sometimes I am, if not precisely sad, certainly out of kilter with my most centered, calm and productive self. At these times, I find myself drawn to bodies of water ~ from hot tubs and soaks in claw-footed bathtubs to Lakes Michigan, Trillium and Union to the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans. Sometimes even a walk in the rain is calming. Having always been sensitive, even to the point of empathetic, I have learned to use the water to assist in allowing for, as the card suggests, emotional flow.

Since recently returning from a trip to the Ocean, I feel more in that flow than before I left. I feel more awake to my own emotions, more aware of the subtlety of actions and reactions in others, more alive.

Much of what I do in my life involves supporting and listening to others. Setting personal boundaries and protecting myself from being emotionally hijacked by their lives, actions and stories, is vital to my own health and well-being. I am grateful for healing sessions with friends as well as for the diversity of divination decks that remind me of the importance of balance and flow.

What do you do to keep your emotional flow balanced? How do you recognize when you need to readjust yourself? How often do you need to realign? Is it a constant timeline (for example, every other month or daily) or is it fluid, triggered by specific or particular events? What assistance reminds you to be grateful?