Saturday, April 26, 2014
One of my co-workers is incredibly upset with me though I'm not totally sure why. It has something to do with my challenging information that person put forward. Or at least, it was perceived as a challenge. I believe I meant it as questioning what seemed limited information, but not intending it to be personal. However, it apparently happened some time last year and I've forgotten the details ~ and even whatever the event was or events were.
All that said, the co-worker is currently extremely upset with me... to the point that every comment I make is either ignored or taken personally and reacted to with vehemence. I've been feeling put upon and wronged ~ in other words, self-righteous, because I've forgotten whatever happened and my co-worker has not.
The particular day that this was posted, we had had an encounter which I felt was more of the same. My self-righteous woundedness showed its rather unattractive head and I acted out that wounded aspect ~ though not in the presence of that co-worker. I spent the day rather uncomfortably ~ something niggling at me that my behavior needed a cleansing more than a whitewashing.
When I arrived at home at day's end, I went for a walk. My usual way of dealing with difficult issues is to carry on a conversation with the person (actually my personal version of that personality) and finding a nugget of what the core issue is for me. I did that on my walk. Two things surfaced: one was that my co-worker's opinion of me is none of my business. Whatever that person believes about me is not ME, but a reflection of that person. That opened me up for the second piece, which surfaced later ~ probably because I was feeling less wounded and defensive. That was my self-righteousness. What I was feeling, how I was reacting, also had nothing to do with my co-worker. It had everything to do with me, with my insecurity, with my pride, with my sense of self-importance.
I would like to add two more aspects to the prayer in the picture: a mind that seeks the truth and a voice that knows when to be silent and when to speak.
How do you handle your moments of self-righteousness? What parts of the prayer speak to you? What else would you add to the prayer?